Solar Opposites

‐ Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, we don't have noses!

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a pupa

and escaped into, uh, the space,

We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking this whole time.

I'm the one holding the pupa. My name's Korvo.

This is, this is my show. I just dropped the pupa.

Do you see me? This is ridiculous.

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid. Why did they make so many languages?

Why didn't they just get together and figure out one language

so when I go to a Mexican restaurant I can just order "cheese tube"

and not have someone roll their eyes at me.

‐ There's Kevin. Ooh, he's got somethin' cool.

‐ What is that? It looks amazing.

Come on, come on.

Oh, Korvo, Terry who looks like a Gary.

‐ I wish. ‐ Can we help you

with your "tig old bitties" sign?

What is that? A Catholic thing?

‐ No.

Tig old bitties. You get it?

Think about it. Tig. Old. Bitties.

It's announcing that the bitties are aged.

‐ Oh, my favorite bitties are tig.

‐ It's a joke sign for my man cave.

A place I can express my most private self.

‐ Ooh. ‐ And the classic bass.

‐ What? He's talking to me?

This fish is full of surprises.

‐ Ooh, posted rules. Number one, the man is always right.

Number two, sports are life.

These are all new to me.

I don't want to be in violation of any rules.

‐ ‐ Oh, my God.

‐ God damn it, this‐

‐ Oh, oh, my. ‐ Ooh.

‐ There it is. ‐ Kevin, are you coming up‐‐

oh, god, did you actually spend $3,000 on that misogynistic sign?

What is wrong with you? ‐ Babe, what I do

with my Christmas bonus is my Christmas business.

‐

Please, please, please, please can we have a man cave?

‐ Yes. ‐ What, oh, really?

Oh, man, you should have held out. I was gonna offer to suck your‐‐

‐ Kevin is so confident and happy. He must get so much work done.

Imagine how great our lives would be if we could be this confident.

‐ Shut up, Kevin, we're imagining.

‐ From Coretta Scott King to Jill Soloway,

these are just a few notable feminists

who improved the lives of women everywhere.

Ladies, this semester, your final grade

depends on proof that you fought the patriarchy.

I want a full report on a glass ceiling you tried to shatter by next Friday.

‐ What does that even mean?

‐ Uh, Miss Perez, what, what do the boys have to do?

‐ I don't care, the boys can just draw a picture of a lightsaber or something.

You might as well learn now that life is just easier for you.

‐ Don't forget to rate and tip me on the Teach app.

Guys, guys, come on. I need it for my asthma medicine.

I live near the quarry.

I thought it meant I'd get the better McDonald's toys.

Now I have to topple something?

I tried to explain that to you the minute I chose to be a man

and became better at explaining things.

‐ I just need to find a glass ceiling and shatter the crap out of it.

Otherwise, Jill Soloway made I Love Dick for nothing.

Ooh, you wanna help? We could topple it together.

‐ Yeah, I'm gonna pass. I'm just gonna hang back

and do a regular alien thing today.

‐ Seems kind of like a loaded topic.

Everyone on the internet is always fighting about who can be president

or who can bust ghosts, but good luck.

‐ It is not loaded!

Gender issues are a totally normal thing to mess with.

Come on, Yumyulack, don't be like that. Don't be such a man.

‐ Hey, do you guys mind if I borrow the boomerang?

Whoa, what's going on in here?

‐ Welcome to our "manc ave."

‐ Man cave!

Please read and strictly abide by all of them before having fun.

‐ Man only? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Are you guys doing a gender thing, too?

Some sort of human code. They were out of "tig old bitties" signs

but the salesman said it was in the same area, so...

Pretty great, right? Just like Kevin's.

‐ No, yeah, I love how it moves up and down.

Oh, it keeps you guessing.

Ah, football is amazing.

Apparently, we can watch jets battle the color brown.

Now everybody just sit back, grab a cold one,

and let the awesomeness of the "manc ave" wash over them.

‐ Any second now.

‐ Oh, hello, I'm a female and I'm looking for a patriarchy to topple.

I've never played this game, but can I be your kicker, please?

‐ No way.

‐ A ha! You're freaking out that I would fundamentally alter

the way society felt about women in a male‐dominated sport.

Gotcha, suckers!

‐ What? No. Girls have played on high school football teams for years.

You just can't be the kicker because we already went

to the state supreme court so a dog could be kicker.

Damn, Denver! Good boy, good boy.

You can be our starting quarterback. How about that?

Hey, Dylan! This girl who I haven't seen play yet is taking your place.

‐ I'm fine with that. It's not about winning. Woo!

‐ Ugh, finding a new struggle for women is gonna be a real struggle.

‐ Um, I don't think so.

Maybe it happened and we just didn't notice yet?

‐ No, this is wrong. Something's missing, Terry.

There has to be something Kevin had in his "ave" that we don't have.

‐ No, no, I know. I mean, we have very man‐centric movie posters

with man themes like Boys Don't Cry, Boys On The Side,

How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days.

‐ Terry, pull up a live hologram feed of Kevin's "manc ave."

See, I don't get it. It's exactly the same.

Computer, analyze nitrogen levels and‐‐

‐ Can you please come watch your son blow out his candles?

Everyone's waiting. ‐ Oh, he'll be three

for like a whole year.

‐ Kevin. ‐ What kind of cake?

‐ Kevin! ‐ All right!

‐ God, I hate this man cave.

‐ Computer, strip everything but Angela.

‐ He spends all of his time in his stupid room full of toys

instead of with his family.

I should have married Omry.

‐ Terry, we were totally missing the point of "manc aves."

‐ Oh, that we need to throw way more birthday parties?

‐ The best part of being in a "manc ave," Terry,

is someone being irritated that you're in a "manc ave."

‐ But I don't wanna take turns in here. ‐ Neither do I.

Which means we'll have to

build a robot that hates us being in the "manc ave."

‐ Yeah! ‐ Terry!

‐ By "we," you mean you, right? ‐ Yes, I'm going to be doing all the work.

I was just trying to be nice.

‐ Wow, that was fast. ‐ I used a lot of parts

from the last robot I made.

‐ The one that was supposed to kill those kids who threw a cup of pee at you?

You got over that? ‐ For the moment,

they may keep their lives.

‐ Well, I tell you what, here's the headline.

It looks great. Now did you use the specs I gave you

to make her the perfect combo of every TV wife/mom?

twenty percent doting hot mom from Modern Family,

fifteen percent fast‐talking Gilmore Girls mom

and ten percent Marge Simpson because she's got blue hair.

‐ Is that too many percents? ‐ No, it's, it's under actually.

The rest is just filler code, except for a pinch of Sophia from Golden Girls.

That was one sassy old lady, you know? I couldn't resist.

‐ Twenty‐five, 83...

‐ Are you using your abaca‐dactals like a baby?

What, what are you, 80? ‐ Ah, now I have to start over.

It stands for Patricia Automated Television Retro‐fitted

Intelligent Companion In Action.

‐ You know what, it's okay if you made that up to fit.

You chose a name with two I's and two A's. That's already hard.

Korvo, Terry.

Pupa! I hope you don't plan to spend all day

in your awful, disgusting "manc ave." We have chores to do.

‐ Why are didgeridoos so expensive? ‐ What, what?

‐ Five thousand dollars. It's a tube! Still buying it.

Did you guys make a woman robot? ‐ Oh, yeah, awesome, right?

Yeah, we built her to hate the "manc ave."

I mean, look at how awesome she is. Look at her, look at her go.

She's hatin' it perfect. ‐ No, no, no.

You guys are wading into a whole gender thing.

I'm telling you, this can't end well for anybody.

I'm outta here. G'day.

‐ This isn't a gender thing‐‐ ‐ I said g'day!

‐ No matter what the problem is, she finds a way to blame the "manc ave."

Just, just like a real wife. I fucking hate this "manc ave."

‐ Oh, she makes me wanna go in there so bad!

Ah, yeah! Oh, ho, ho, it worked!

‐ Hi, guys. I, a girl, would like to be on your men's lacrosse team.

I also know nothing about lacrosse.

‐ Ha ha, did you hear that? ‐ Oh, I heard it, Chad.

But I don't believe it. Say it again, girl.

I demand to be on your boys' team. What's the problem?

Can't stand a girl trying to step on your "boys only" field?

‐ No, we've been asking for a girl to join our team for years.

Oh, the football guys will finally stop mocking us.

‐ No, come on, I need this to be a struggle.

‐ Chads, we got a girl on the team!

‐ Hey, stop.

Attention, esports team. I know that gamers are misogynistic,

and that's why all female bodies in games have unrealistic proportions

and are programmed to give the gamer an unhealthy amount of eye contact.

Let me in. ‐ Yeah, another girl!

‐ Wait, am I the only guy in here? Oh, no.

I've been using some very coded language.

‐ Australian music is so good. It's like a whole genre.

‐ You're looking at this town's first female firefighter.

I found my glass ceiling and fucking shattered it,

and saved most of a family.

‐ Well, I'm the first woman to mansplain jazz.