Grown Ups 2

Sweetheart.

Go over to the window right now

and open it as wide as you can.

Please let me sleep.

I think your mother's here from Mexico,

and she needs to leave.

Open the window now.

Why don't you open it, you lazy...

Somebody help!

Close your mouth!

No way. Can I ride him?

A deer!

Okay.

Daddy, I left the front door open in case any animals wanted to come in.

- You did, huh? - And one did.

- Yeah. - Yeah, one crazy-ass one.

No, you did a nice thing, sweetheart.

Greg, I'm gonna need a bat!

- Daddy, no! - No, no, I'm not going to hit the deer.

I'm just going to massage his head for a little bit with it.

Okay, come on, come on.

He's right here.

He's eating Bowser's food.

Okay, he knows we're here now.

Stay. Stay.

What's he looking at?

Move your doll towards me.

And back to you.

Towards me.

Back to you.

Three times, fast.

Give me that thing.

- Mr. Gigglesworth? - No, don't worry. Give it to me.

- Go on. It's okay. It's okay. - Put it in my hand.

Roxanne, take them in there.

Over there.

Hey, dude. You like this guy?

You want to play with him?

All right, let's go play in the other room.

Come on. Come on, man.

Slowly walk with me.

I said slowly.

No.

Get out of the way!

Oh, my God!

Problem solved.

Mr. Gigglesworth! Daddy, he's killing him!

A new problem begins.

I'm sorry.

Is that your bra, Mrs. Feder?

Easy.

It is nice.

- Thank you, all right. - Cool, yeah.

Yeah, come on.

28?

Yes.

35.

That's right again, smarty-pants.

Hi, Dad.

- Hey, Bean, working on the math, huh? - Yep.

Mommy said if I get all my math questions right,

I get to ride my bike to school with Becky Feder.

Really? Okay, Bean, well, what's seven plus nine?

Seventy-nine.

Is he a little boy or a computer? 'Cause I can't figure it out.

Don't destroy his confidence.

Happy summer, everybody.

Okay, you sure you want to go with those boots, honey?

I know you bedazzled them yourself.

I'm just wondering if they'll attract

too much attention, you know, from outer space.

It's the last day of school,

and Mom says I'm free to express myself.

Building the confidence right here with R2-D2.

Confidence. K-O-B-R-Q-V-Y.

Confidence.

Well, we're not gonna have to pay for college.

That's for sure.

Looks like a horse took a dump in Ronnie's diaper.

You're gonna need federal aid to clean that up.

Ronnie, honey, did a doo-doo grenade go off in your diaper?

- You gonna change it? - That's not my son, that's your son.

Yesterday was my diaper day.

Today he is all yours, and it's gonna get nasty.

Go, Ronnie.

- Go, Ronnie, go, Ronnie. - Go, Ronnie, go, Ronnie.

He looks like Nicki Minaj

trying to shake her butt implants back into place.

- Go, Ronnie, go, Ronnie. - Come on, Ronnie.

Go, Ronnie.

You got a lot of appointments today, sweetie?

Nah, just one repair job.

Very special.

All right, I'm going in.

What is...

What is this?

A necklace?

Happy 20th anniversary, babe.

Wow, Dad, you remembered.

Yeah.

Mom didn't.

That's cold.

I think I'm gonna bust out of here.

So he gets off the train and nobody's there?

Braden needs to spend at least one summer with you

so he can say he has a dad, you deadbeat, Higgins.

Well, not to be mean,

but I'm not even 1,000% sure who you are.

I was up from Florida.

Right in the middle of making out, I got a really bad case of the hiccups.

Hiccups McGee?

Oh, my God, I have a kid I don't know about with Hiccups McGee?

And no offense, but I'm gonna have to ask

for a DNA test, you know,

because you just never...

No need.

Later, Hiccups.

You're him.

Yeah, without the hat.

It's actually a good likeness.

How you doing, man?

I'm your dad.

Nice to see you, Braden.

That's strike one.

Good news is, you get...

Unlimited amount of strikes.

How about I take you to school?

No school.

Summertime.

Not yet. One more day. I know, it's a drag.

Normally I'd let you just blow it off and play hooky,

but I'm volunteering at the soup kitchen today,

so when I'm done,

I'll come pick you up and we'll hang out.

I got you this, but...

Obviously you're, like, 13, so I don't know,

but it's actually pretty nice

and cute, and you should cut the head off it, okay.

Well, let's get going.

- Yo, yo, yo, yo, don't forget this. - Is it a gift?

No, it's the Gigglesworth massacre.

I told Becky you could sew it back together for her.

What?

Martha Stewart couldn't fix this.

Come on.

But you're such a good daddy for picking up all the pieces.

That's why I've been thinking,

we moved back here to your hometown

so we could have more quality time with our family, right?

That's right.

How would you feel about expanding?

- Having another kid? - Yeah.

But it's perfect right now, you know?

If I buy one large pizza, Greg gets two pieces,

Keith gets two, Becky gets one, you get one, I get four.

It's kind of perfect, you know.

I don't want to have to buy another pie.

Why don't you go on a diet, fat gordo éste?

Come on, I've had a job since I'm 16.

It's the first time I've got a free schedule.

I'm just enjoying the fun.

Don't forget Becky's ballet recital at 11:00.

I got to go to that?

I mean, I get to go to that? Great.

I'm saying, that's... I thought it was sold out. That's great news.

Have the best last day of school, my gorgeous children!

I love you all!

- Bye, Mom, bye. - Bye, Mom.

Yeah, last day of school, Greg.

Last chance to ask out Nancy Arbuckle.

Nancy Arbuckle... What's that? You like a girl?

Is that why you've been taking them long showers?

No, I'm conditioning my hair.

That's all I do in the shower... Condition my hair.

That's not what the deer told me.

That deer's a liar.

I heard too much conditioning can make you go blind.

What? Where'd you hear that?

- Higgins. - I should kill him.

He's too chicken to ask her out, Dad, 'cause she's the hottest girl in school,

and Greg is fugly.

So what he's fugly? All the guys in our family are fugly.

That don't stop us from getting the hot chicks.

Look at me and look at your mother. I mean, it makes no sense.

Only in, like, a Hollywood movie or something.

Every guy in school likes her, Dad.

And you'll be the guy who ends up with her.

You know why? You're gonna follow my three-step program.

Number one, make the girl smile.

Number two, tell her she has a nice smile.

Number three, say she has to go out with you that night.

Why that night?

'Cause it gives her less time to think about how fugly you are.

'Cause you are fugly.

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

And Keithie's right... I'm too chicken to even talk to her.

Hey, you're a Feder. Feders ain't afraid of women, buddy.

That's not the way I'm raising you.

By the way, Dad, did you ask Mom if I can play football?

No, I was scared.