Your Friends & Neighbors

Diamonds have no inherent value. We know this.

And yet, the Van Cleef & Arpels Snowflake choker

retails for roughly the same price as a Rolls-Royce.

Why are diamonds so pricey?

It's the result of the most successful cartel in modern history

telling the Sherman Act to go fuck itself,

and an 80-year-old marketing campaign

that linked compressed carbon to eternal love.

They say a diamond is forever.

But as recent events have borne out, forever isn't what it used to be.

What are you doing here?

- We live here. - Coming for breakfast, Coop?

Uh, you don't live here.

Neither do you.

Ah, the negotiator.

Pass the syrup.

- The syrup. - The syrup.

Go fuck yourself.

You really ought to get better at sharing.

Get outta here.

Relax, Coop. We're all family.

I'll fucking kill you.

You can't kill me, Coop.

Because you're already dead.

Hey. Look who's up.

Hi, Daddy.

Hey, kiddo.

How you feeling?

Pretty good, actually.

That's because the doctors gave you all that morphine.

- Hon. - What? I saw. It was too much.

Can we get you anything?

Water, please. That'd be great.

The doc came by to see you,

- but we didn't wanna wake you. - Thanks, buddy.

How long was I out?

Twelve hours.

Jesus. I should get my ass kicked more often.

They were out of Doritos, but I got...

Oh, snap. Hey. Mr. Cooper.

I thought you dumped him.

Dad.

- He's still pretty out of it, so... - Yeah.

- I feel great. - It's all good.

Hello. Um...

Bad time?

Can I help you?

I'm sorry. I'm Detective Rebecca Lin.

I was hoping to get a minute or two with Mr. Cooper.

Another tennis injury?

Not quite.

Do you know her?

She interviewed me about Paul.

What about him?

I have a few questions about last night.

Uh, if you're up for it.

- Or I can come back later? -

Um. Uh, so, guys, why don't you take your grandparents to lunch?

Oh, Millie's doesn't open until noon.

Then we will be the first ones there.

Come on, everybody. Let's go.

Um, I usually prefer to do these interviews alone.

Oh. Um...

I'll go see Barney.

How's he doing?

I'll let you know.

Beautiful family you got there.

You're too kind. What can I do for you?

Why don't you tell me about last night?

I don't remember much.

Well, what do you remember?

I remember getting jumped.

It's a weird one though, no?

I don't have a whole hell of a lot to compare it to, so...

Well, for starters, the assailants didn't take anything.

Which is a little unusual.

Uh, okay.

Maybe Barney getting hit by the car might have thrown a wrench into things?

So you do remember something after all. And I will be talking to Mr. Choi later.

To be honest with you, Mr. Cooper,

this attack doesn't feel random to me at all.

It feels like you were targeted.

Why would anyone wanna target me?

Why would anyone kill Paul Levitt?

I don't see the connection.

You know, I used to be a cop in the Bronx.

Violent crimes were a dime a dozen.

But not here. This is a... ...a very quiet town.

We don't see a lot of violent crimes here at all.

And in the past few days, a man was brutally murdered in his home.

- A man who you recently fought with. - It wasn't a fight.

And then you were attacked and beaten with gusto, right there on Main Street,

with no apparent motive.

And your friend Barney is down the hall picking pavement out of his teeth.

Again, I fail to see the connection here.

It's you, Mr. Cooper.

You're the connection.

It seems to me that being your friend is a dangerous proposition.

Does that mean we're not gonna be friends?

I heard you left your job a month back.

A fairly common occurrence.

You just said you left your job as a cop in the Bronx. Why'd you do that?

- Quality of life. - Hey. Same thing.

Except you were fired.

Semantics.

Where were you coming back from last night?

Jersey. Took our oldest to see colleges.

Look... ...I'm just gonna cut to it right here.

I don't know you very well.

The sense I get from you is you're a man on a downward spiral.

In desperate need of a lifeline.

Now, I'm here right now offering you that lifeline.

Whatever it is you got yourself into... ...I can help.

The thing is...

at some point you're gonna cross a line

and I'm not gonna be able to help you anymore.

And when that time comes, all I'll be able to do is take you down.

Well, that is food for thought. Thanks for coming by, Detective.

Thank you for your time.

That go okay?

Yeah. I mean, you know, pro forma stuff. Just filling in blanks.

How's Barney?

He's banged up, but he'll recover.

Listen, can we talk about what happened last night? I...

- I-I wanna... - Maybe not right now.

Yeah. Okay.

I'm gonna go.

Um, they're almost ready to discharge you.

I can come back and get you.

No, come on. Just... I can have Ali do it. You be with the kids.

Hey, Melly.

Guess we really should've just kept on driving in the opposite direction, huh?

Get some rest.

- ...different. I get to try something. - That's good.

- I'm sorry, I gotta... - Okay.

Why do you smell nice?

I'm trying something new. You hate it?

Nah, I didn't say that. What did we get?

Lab reports.

The murder weapon was a .38. Same gun, all three shots.

Hmm. And the wife's gun was a .22?

Yep. And she was telling the truth, her piece has never been fired.

But what is it?

- It was a Taurus TX22. - No, no, no, no, no.

The scent. It's musky.

Balsam Breeze. It's made from real balsam oil. And cedar.

Huh. Okay. What else?

And citrus notes, I think.

Oh. Yes.

The gunshot residue report showed that the victim also fired a weapon.

But there were no additional bullets or casings on the scene.

So he either hit something, or someone fled.

Or...

- We're missing something. - Yep.

I have the office reaching out to the local hospitals

to see if any gunshot victims have been admitted.

Murderers don't usually check themselves into the ER.

You like Cooper for this?

I don't know if I like him for this, but I... I like him for something.

You smell like a Christmas tree.

So they go to every Best Buy in the city.

And they buy external hard drives.

Then they swap them out with older models that look new

and they return them.

Then they repackage and sell the new ones on the web, full markup.

So this story ends with your buddy Miggy buying his momma a new house?

No, of course not.

They traced the serial numbers to his cards...

- - ...and busted him.

And you were surprised?

He stayed too long.

The odds got him.

- His stupidity got him. -

- -

Shit. Damn it.

Hell yeah, still hot and everything.

Sup, E?

No.

What?

Relax, I'm playing.

You do look good though.

What do you want, Félix?

Nothing. I'm good.

Just gotta grab my money from our little billy goat,

and I'm all set.

What's he talking about?

You don't know?

Damn.

I did a couple runs. That's it.

- Well, that would be it. -

Except your boy fumbled the drop.

Fucking cops were after me.

This motherfucker hears one siren,

gets so spooked, he tosses the whole fucking stash.

Tossed it where?

That's the best part.

Tell her.

The East River.

Fucking Shamu's gotta be high as shit somewhere.