Your Friends & Neighbors

Say goodbye to your old-fashioned toilet,

and say hello to luxury.

Introducing the Luxos MT.

The world's most advanced luxury commode.

It's gonna change the way you think about the bathroom.

- Am I right, Cindy? - That's right.

It heats, it cleans, it deodorizes.

It comes standard with Luxos's triple tornado flush system,

and it's smart home compatible.

And here to tell us more about it is Luxos brand ambassador

and three-time NBA All-Star, Nick Brandes.

- This audience. -

- I love you, Nick! - I love you too.

- Thank you, Cindy. Jim, my man. - Of course. Please.

It's a pleasure to be here.

You're an NBA champion, you are rich, you are handsome,

everybody loves you...

I'm sorry. Is there a question in there?

'Cause so far, I can't argue with any of that.

You have a string of successful businesses.

Just tell us, why toilets?

- Oh, instead of sneakers or tequila? - Exactly.

Because they've been done before.

See, I always say,

"Why be late to the party, when you can throw your own?"

- Go. -

- Oh, speaking of party. -

- Is that coming from there? - It is.

That's right. It's coming from the built-in Bluetooth speakers.

- Oh, no! - Oh, can you do it?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Show me what you got.

- Oh! -

No, she... No, she didn't!

So, bottom line, the Luxos MT is gonna change the game.

Sitting on one of these is like a little vacation

you can book for yourself every day.

- Nick Brandes, everybody! -

Hey.

- Uh, what... what are you doing here? -

I really love toilets.

- Okay, I'm working. - I know. Look, I just...

The party. It was a lot. I acted like an asshole.

Yeah, no argument here.

Hey.

- I'm so sorry. -

That's the last time I throw you a party.

I appreciate you trying to take care of me,

even if sometimes I-I don't know what to do with it.

Well, I can't say you didn't warn me.

No, you can't.

Look, uh, I know this, us, we shouldn't have happened.

Or, at least, not the way it happened.

- I'm sure you have your regrets. - Nick, I--

No. No, no, no, no. I feel them.

Believe me, I wish it had gone down differently, but, uh,

just because it didn't start right, doesn't mean it isn't right.

This is real for me, Mel.

I just wish you didn't feel like you have to try so hard.

That's what happens when you fall to the second round of the Draft.

You spend the rest of your career and life trying to make up for it.

You don't have to do that with me.

Do you have, like, a... a dressing room?

Yeah. A-A nice one.

Show me.

What am I looking at?

I know it looks like somebody wiping off their brushes,

but this is a Lichtenstein.

I know who Lichtenstein is, you barom .

What I meant is why am I looking at a bad photo of it?

- 'Cause I wanna steal it. - I don't mess with art.

- Neither do you. - Come on.

Jewelry and watches can only get me so far.

A score like this, way more upside for the exact same risk.

Score? Who are you, James Caan all of a sudden?

I'm sure you know someone that can move it.

- Rocco, what's my policy on paintings? - No paintings!

These art guys, they're a different breed.

I'm telling you. They're savages.

The last time this sold at auction

it went for over one million dollars.

That was seven years ago.

I've already been inside the house where it is.

I steal it, I replace it with a forgery, nobody knows the difference.

- Easy. - How do you know it isn't already a fake?

Because the guy that owns it probably bought it from Larry Gagosian personally.

He's an insecure narcissist whose entire self-worth is wrapped up in what he owns.

He doesn't care that it's beautiful,

he cares that it's real.

I know the type.

Come on. I'll toss you an extra ten percent.

You don't have to lift a finger. I just need the introduction.

I will have to lift a finger, and for that I'll take an extra 20.

And if it goes sideways, I don't know you.

But you have to hear me. Now, you do this, you do it the way I say.

Pikk pakk. No improvising.

- Yeah, I hear you. - Say it.

- Pikk pakk. - Smart-ass.

No improvising.

Okay. Get out of my store.

I'll let you know when it's set.

- Rocco. -

- So, it looks like we hit a shale shelf. -

And what does that mean?

Means my guys are gonna have to spend a few weeks breaking it up,

pulling it out.

Well, can't you just dig around it?

Yeah, sure.

If you wanna move your entire house 100 feet that way.

I'm kidding.

But I can't dig a foundation into solid rock. We gotta pull it out.

Hey, Phil, where do you want this loader?

- Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. - So, just... Phil,

so, how much is that gonna cost?

Well, I can't give you an exact figure until we start demolition,

see how far down the shelf goes.

It's gonna be heavy machinery. Possibly some blasting.

You're gonna blow up my backyard?

Well, not me. I'm gonna bring in some specialists.

Ballpark, Phil?

Just... how fucked are we?

Two hundred grand. Give or take.

Okay.

Okay, maybe we should just press pause, you know?

Get a surveyor out, we check in with the architect.

- We should maybe do that... - No.

Hey, that... that... that's your call.

But if we stop work, I gotta move my guys to the next project in line.

That won't be necessary, Phil. E-mail us the quote, we'll work it out.

- Will do. -

- Hey. -

- I didn't see you. - Surprise.

I love this song.

Where you headed?

- Chemistry. -

Forget chemistry.

You're coming with me.

- Yeah, fuck me harder. Harder. -

Your fucking dick is so big.

- Fuck! Harder, harder, harder. -

I'm gonna come! I'm coming!

- -

Yeah!

It's Henry's birthday on Saturday.

Oh, right. What is he, almost six?

Five.

Yeah, well, that's a fun age. Is he having a party?

I'm taking him to Boston to see my parents.

Nice. When will you be back?

I'm not sure.

Um... Think I need to get away from everything for just a bit.

Well, when you get back, if you want, we could maybe go down to the city,

check in some place, get away from everything together.

It's fine. We don't have to do that.

I mean, I know we don't have to do that, we don't have to do any of this.

That's true.

And I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't.

- - What are you talking about?

I think maybe we've taken this as far as it goes.

Let's not ride it until the wheels come off.

I like you, Coop. A lot.

Maybe too much.

The things is, I don't always like myself when I'm with you.

Hey, hey.

Sam, look, I know I've been... ...a bit preoccupied the last few days...

You're not ready for anything real. At least not with me.

And I just can't be some wayward bachelor's midlife fling forever.

That is not what I think of you.

Come on, Coop. I'm giving you a guilt-free out.

Just take it.

Kind of sounds like I don't have much choice.

Wrong again.

Sam...

- Hey. - Oh.

A little afternoon delight with Sam, huh?

Yeah. I'm afraid it might be the swan song for that.

Aw, that's too bad.

- - Right?

- I mean, it's fine. - Okay. Cool.

Well, I will not miss the play-by-play.

- Oh, my God. Ooh! Right there. - Okay.

- Can we talk... - That's the spot.

- Fuck yeah! - ...about something else?

Fine, what do you wanna talk about?

- Anything else. How's your new gig? - It's good.

I mean, it's really good actually. They offered me a regular slot.

Four nights a week at The Tap, prime time, poster in the window.

- I mean, the whole shebang. - That's amazing.

I'm so proud of you. Congratulations.

- Thanks. - Wow, now one of us actually has a job.

Well, for a guy who has no job, you, um, you sure are busy.

I feel like... I feel like I have this place all to myself, like, every day.

- Yeah, well, not today, baby. -

TCM beckons.