Merry Men: The Real Yoruba Demons

Good question.

But the real question is, who aren't we?

The trending topic of your favorite blog,

a screen saver on your girl's phone,

or your fashion goals, one who likes us.

And if you think that we're the Merry Men

because we're inspired by some legend about a British outlaw

who lived in the bush and stole from the rich to give to the poor,

well, you're not looking hard enough.

We're Merry Men because life's a huge amusement park

and we're going nowhere until we've been on every ride it has to offer.

Can you make some noise for Merry Men?

Ladies and gentlemen.

More thieves.

The Merry Men.

-So... -Yeah?

Their firm has some of Abuja's deepest pockets on their client list.

Thankfully there, but as an EFCD agent,

you should know that this front

could be the source of their stupendous wealth

that they flaunt arrogantly and annoyingly.

See, this is why I don't ever believe them.

They're thieves.

I think, if I could try to slip into their circle,

maybe I might notice one or two things.

You think so?

No, man, there's no setting out. There's no setting out.

The Merry Men.

Hello.

What would you like to have?

What I'd like to have actually is not on this table.

Oh, okay, what is that?

I will like to know your name,

your phone number, and where I can find you tomorrow.

You see, according to research,

an elderly man that still makes use of pickup lines in this day and age

is either a hired killer or he's having mouth odor.

Or probably the two, both of them.

Whereas, a man that can make a lady smile is a real champion.

I see how you pride yourself.

Chicken corn soup for starters, please, all of us.

Please help me welcome Dame Bethany Maduka.

Can we do it and give her a round of applause

as we receive our celebrants?

Fancy dressings, expensive attires,

diamond studs, gold, you name it all.

Take all that away, what is left?

A sexy naked woman, sir.

A thieving machine.

Exactly what I was about to say.

Amaju, it's your go.

Are you drunk?

Just tipsy, sir.

But it's nothing to worry about, I assure you.

Dera.

Nothing to worry about?

Listen to me.

Our main objective here is to blend and monitor.

Now get your eyes away from all these Nollywood stars,

niceties, frivolities, you know.

Huh? Nothing to worry about? Okay.

You're drunk. So how do we achieve our major objective?

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Happy birthday, madam.

The Merry Men at my party?

I see you recognize us.

Notoriety has very little hiding place.

So 50 it is, and yet you look 25.

Do you know what that means?

Enough inspiration to go under your skirt and service your congo.

Amaju, stop.

You know you drive me crazy when you talk like that.

You know you can't do anything about it here, so stop.

Who says I can't do anything? That's the idea.

But you of all people should know that sex is sweet when the risk is high.

All right, baby.

Give me some time to clear it all up and meet me in the game room.

Ten minutes.

Okay.

Sweetie, I'm coming. I'll be back in a bit.

All right, guys, let's rock and roll.

Ten minutes.

Hello, Ma.

I need you to come outside and join the security detail.

There's a large crowd and they're beginning to spill over.

-Do it now. -All right.

I'll go to the ladies' room now and I'll sort myself out. I just...

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, easy.

Off you go.

Mama, mama, mama, yo.

Now the thing's about to go skra.

Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta.

Shut up, come over here, and put that mouth of yours to good use.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Why do you smell different today?

I'm wearing sapphire scent.

It's nice, but you're talking too much.

Come here.

You ladies are gonna give me a minute. I'll be right back.

All right.

Access denied?

You were denied?

I am Remi.

The only one with the ability to hack into any system.

Let me watch you try and deny this.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Ooh.

Amaju?

Are you torturing that lady?

Dude, just shut up, okay?

Your dad! It is your mom that will be tortured with a pin.

-What was that? -Sorry.

The sweetness of your big pussy is making me say nonsense.

Okay, let's just keep my father out of this.

A penny for whatever is making you laugh.

Wow, a penny?

Isn't that too small a price for joy?

Well, I thought the best things in life are free.

You offered a penny, remember?

I did.

Smooth operator.

Dera Chukwu.

Pleasure, Dera. Ayo.

Alesinloye.

Top dog of Nigerians leading Yoruba demons.

Ouch. That's unfair on my boys.

What, they're not demons?

They're not all Yorubas.

Well done, sir.

We are greeting you from here.

I'm in.

Hey, how long do we have?

Ah, shit.

Five minutes.

-Her husband is going in. -What?

-What did you say? -I said don't stop. Don't stop, Amaju.

There, there, there, that spot, there.

Remi? Time.

Three minutes to go. Where is her husband?

Dera, I'm so sorry, but there's no nice way I can put this.

You have to go. I know.

Regrettably.

But I promise I'll make it up to you.

I'll find you.

I am an Alesinloye.

Our words usually are our bond.

Don't worry, I got this. I got this.

I welcome you to my residence.

-I thank you for attending this-- -Your Excellency, sir. Minister.

My name is Ayo Alesinloye.

I happen to be following your Abuja housing scheme project.

And?

I have some concerns.

Concerns are treated at my office.