Tough Guys

- I'm telling you, Harry. - I know.

We could've got away with it.

Did I say that before?

— Every day for 30 years. - Oh.

First thing I wanna do is to walk on grass.

Then I‘m gonna sit under a tree and listen to a bird sing.

I wanna go through a door without hearing bells going off.

I wanna eat good food. Drink fine wine.

By myself, not with a hundred other guys.

I wanna try Chicken McNuggets.

Harry, I wanna hold a woman for about five years.

Great to get back to the old neighbourhood, eh?

Yeah, because I can't wait to see the old gang.

- Think they'll recognise us? - Why not? We ain't changed.

- The best things never do. - Damn right.

- OK, pal. Let's go. - What's the rush?

You've got two men in a hurry to start their new lives, my friend.

So if you don't mind, just open the gate.

What for? You're never gonna make it.

You guys are gonna violate parole in one week.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Arch,

do I detect a note of pessimism in that mans voice?

I think he's being downright hostile.

- After you. - After you.

No, no. Age before beauty.

- Pearls before swine. - Anything you say, Harry,

as long as we get the hell out of here.

See you guys in one week.

| feel reborn, Arch. Like a new man.

Smell that all? That air is free.

So is this paper.

I wanted to see ifl still had the touch.

Respectable citizens don't steal newspapers.

- Come on, it's a lousy two bits. - That ain't the point.

Put a quarter in the box.

Jeez.

Hey, Arch, get a load of this.

"Gold Coast Flyer retires after 50 years."

The Flyer?

It's starting its last run a week from today.

Frisco, LA, San Diego.

What's it say about us?

Well, it says the train was robbed, but it don't say by whom.

The last guys in America to rob a train? They don't even mention our names?

Thirty years is a long time. Might be nobody remembers us.

Excuse me?

Harry Doyle and Archie Long?

- Maybe. - Who wants to know?

I'm Richie Evans.

I've been looking forward to meeting you guys for a long time.

Looking fonNard to meeting us?

Why is that, son?

I'm your probation officer.

Probation officer?

You always meet parolees at the prison gate?

Well, not ordinarily, but you guys are not ordinary parolees.

We ain't?

You're the best there was. I know everything about you guys.

My master's thesis was about great outlaws of the 20th century.

Dillinger, Capone, Pretty Boy Floyd.

When I heard you were up for parole,

- I actually asked for your cases. - You did?

— You're the last of your kind. - We are.

— I could tell you a story... - That‘s in the past.

We're fully rehabilitated now.

That's right.

Anyway, I thought you might need a lift, and that's why I came out here today.

Well, that's real nice of you, Mr. Evans.

Call me Richie. OK?

OK, Richie.

I'll go get the car. I'll be right back.

- It's a great beginning, Arch. - Jeez, things are looking up already.

Pardon me, gentlemen. Are you Harry Doyle and Archie Long?

— We've got a fan club, Harry. - That's us, friend. Who might you be?

I might be the guy who's been waiting 30 years just to blow your heads off!

Damn it.

Missed them.

Where the hell are they?

- Arch. - OK.

— Archiel - OK!

- Who the hell was that? - I don't know, I never saw him before.

We must've done something to make him mad.

A man holds a grudge for 30 years.

- Must be something pretty bad. - I'm not gonna go back and ask.

- l was gonna pick you up. - We thought we'd save you the trip.

- Stop. Thief. Stop. Thief. — What the hell's that?

It's just a car alarm.

You mind if I drive?

Well, I don't know. I just bought this car.

Don't worry.

Archie hasn't had an accident in 30 years. Come on, get in.

Take this. There we are.

AII monitored systems are functioning. Please fasten your seat belts.

— Please fasten your seat belts. - I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

Thank you.

You guys sure are in a hurry.

You're right. We're in a hurry to start our new lives, Richie.

We wanna leave our past behind us.

Way behind.

Jackrabbit starts are bad for fuel economy.

Fuel economy is maximum at 55 miles per hour.

— How do you shut this broad up? — Thank you.

Harry Doyle and Archie Long.

I thought those guys would be dead by now.

What are you doing, Sergeant?

l was exploring the exciting new world of computer technology.

Then perhaps you wouldn't mind exploring the payroll file.

— Payroll? I thought you said parole. - No.

You are going to have to pay more attention if you wanna learn how to do this properly.

I don't wanna learn how to do this properly.

But you have to, Seargeant. It's part of yourjob.

My job is to catch crooks, lady.

I got a couple of major ones here.

Harold Doyle and Archibald Long? I've never even heard of these guys.

Thirty years ago, they were the best bank robbers in the whole godamn country.

And | busted them.

Now I'm stuck in this shit job and they're back on the street,

Remember how to do this, Arch?

Not without a mask on.

Harry.

They got cameras now.

That's nice. We'll have our pictures taken.

I'd like it all in small bills, please.

Department of Corrections? Were you in prison or something?

— ljust finished a 30—year stretch. - Really?

— What were you in for? - Running a red light.

They gave you 30 years for running a light?

Well, l was leaving a bank at the time.

Oh.

This driver's licence has expired, sir.

I'll need to see some current identification.

I don't have anything current.

- How do I know who you are? - I'm telling you, my name is Harry Doyle.

Well, that's very charming, Mr Doyle. Do you have something with a picture on it?

Yes, I do. This.

That's me with my brand-new Cadillac.

— Paid 2,000 bucks for that car. - Swell.

OK, it's a hold-up!

Everybody down! On the floor!

Move! I said, down!

What's the mattel’? Don't you speak the language, asshole?

Don't you curse me, boy.

Curse you, pops? I'm gonna blow your head off.

— Stop waving that gun in my face. - Who's gonna make me?

lam!

Let him go!

I said, let him go!

I'll kill you, man!

l was only kidding, grandpa. Let me go.

Grandpa, huh?

- What are you gonna do? - Blow his head off.

You don't wanna do that.

- He was disrespectful to me. - You just had your suit cleaned.

— You'll get brains all over it. - This punk don't have any brains.

Yeah, but there'll be blood. All red and sticky.

- It'll be messy. - Get him up.

OK.

This guy's in the wrong business.

They don't make crooks like they used to.

Jeez, that was amazing!

| just can't believe the way you handled these guys.

Just doing what comes naturally.

You're incredible.

How about cashing that check, son.

Yes, Mr Doyle.

Furthermore, parolees are forbidden to carry firearms,

to consort with convicted felons, to use narcotic substances

and must report to this office once a week for counselling.

All right, now, for some good news.

I've made some preliminary arrangements.

Archie, I've got a job placement for you.

I got a job already?

It doesn't pay a lot, but it's gonna get you started.

And here's a voucher for one of the welfare hotels in the area.

Welfare?

Well, it's just until you get working. Start drawing an income.

Harry, you have a very nice room at the Golden Sunset Retirement Home.

Retirement?

Yeah, and as soon as you sign that, $435 a month in social security.

But I want to work, too. I've got strong hands and a strong back.

I'm sorry, Harry, but that's just not possible.

See, after 70, retirement is mandatory.

Ronald Reagan's older than him and he's got a job.

- That's true. That's true, but... - I wanna be useful, productive.

I can't sit around no retirement home.

Well, think of it this way, Harry.

You're gonna have time to just relax and enjoy life.

Give it a chance, OK?

All right, Richie, if you say so.

It won't be so bad, Harry. I'll be visiting you all the time.

We'll have some laughs. Go to Mickey's for a drink.

Pick up some broads. Huh?

I'm afraid that's not going to be possible either.

— We can't pick up broads? — No, no.

Because of your past relationship,

you won't be allowed to associate.

Look, guys, you're ex—cons.

You can't see each other for three years.

I'm sorry, but those are the rules.

Three years. He's nuts!