Fargo

You're gonna get in trouble, man.

Then move to France.

The French, buddy? No. You're, like...

The French would like me better than you.

Well, no, I-I don't think...

Now, I know there's at least one dancer in there

that's got a restraining order against you, Vivian.

Five hundred feet.

That's not... W... Y-You got old information, Sheriff.

Candy moved down to Sioux Falls last month

- to take care of her mother. - Oh, so now

you're keeping tabs on the poor girl, huh?

Judge won't gonna like that. Not at all.

You two kids get home safe, huh?

See you at the Elks on Thursday.

You got my check, right?

The re-election fund?

Had... had my girl

make it out personally last week.

What... what the fuck, Roy?

- Hm? - What...

You can't do this shit anymore, Roy.

I-I know the governor now.

See, now, what happens in moments of life and death

is that everything comes into focus.

Are you focused, Vivian?

Y-yeah, yeah.

You're not gonna sell your bank to that woman.

L-Lyon?

Th-Th-That's the one.

You're not gonna sell it, you're not gonna negotiate,

you're not even gonna return her calls.

W-Why?

Wait, wait, wait!

O-Okay.

Find some other way to get rich.

Foreclose on some homes,

sell raffle tickets. I don't care.

But that woman gets nothing.

We're clear?

Yeah.

Now why don't you do a little dance?

What?

I'm just kidding.

Nobody wants to see that.

We've been patient.

More than patient.

But if we can't settle this thing today,

my next call is to our litigation department.

Thank you, and please make sure to give this call

five stars on the next survey.

Looks like you found the cereal.

Frosted Flakes.

Your kid likes 'em?

Well, kinda.

My husband. He can't get enough.

Are you taking me to school?

No school today.

Is it a holiday?

In a way.

But I got to go to work, so...

Slept in the garage again?

You don't have to open the door.

School bus saw me in my drawers.

Plus, it's freezing out.

Scotty, hon, could you

take your book to the living room, please?

Want me to clear my bowl?

Please.

I need you to watch her today. It's just for a few hours.

- I want a wife. - Maybe you could take her to the park or what...

Wait, what did you say?

I said I want a wife.

I am your wife.

No.

A wife.

Someone to keep the house clean and-and cook.

I cook.

Who cooks good, you know?

Takes care of me when I'm sick and doesn't complain about it.

Who wants to know how my day was first

and listens to the answer.

A woman who supports me.

Oh...

I support you.

No, emotionally, I'm saying.

A wife who...

who builds my confidence,

who everything revolves around... me.

Not... And I know-I know what you do

is important, I do, but...

I'm important, too, you know?

My needs, so I can grow

and be the best.

Okay?

A cheerleader, is what I'm...

You know, a wife who comes to the club

for the socials and doesn't

talk about what's a felony or what's a misdemeanor,

but trades recipes,

right? With the other wives.

Who claps when I win

and rubs my back when I don't,

and says, "You'll get 'em next time

because you are amazing."

Is that all?

No.

I want a wife who takes care of my other needs...

my man needs...

when I feel like it,

and doesn't say she's tired or that her back hurts

or to pull out when I finish

'cause she's not on the pill.

Which... I want a wife who's on the pill.

I can't take the pill.

I get blood clots.

Well, an IUD then.

Okay, look, look. The-the point is I am tired

of feeling like I got to be everything around here

all the time.

The man and the wife.

Like, I got to support you all the time, your needs,

'cause your job is hard and you're always saying

you have to pick up extra shifts.

We are $192,000

in debt.

And that.

A wife who is not

reminding me all the time about negative...

negativity, you know?

Pressure, when I-I need to stay positive,

'cause it's a mental game, right?

How far you hit a drive, whether you're in the sand trap,

and you just...

suck. You suck at that.

So I want a wife.

I'm late for work.

We can talk about

who really needs a wife later.

Scotty, hon. I got to go out.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Okay, then.

What am I supposed to do with her?

I got physical therapy

and I'm supposed to walk the green at 2:00, my guru says,

so I can play it with my eyes shut.

You're a big boy. Figure it out.

Please, ple...

Say it.

I'm gonna call Dot and tell her to come.

Who the fuck is Dot?

Listen, wait, wait! Listen.

Listen.

I got cancer.

I need an operation.

You got the wrong guy.

You got...

Fuck.

Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit.

Fuck you!

On my phone call, but they never thought I'd release it,

so they were gonna be okay.

Eight times, quid pro quo.

Except it was no times.

Mm. They are doing it for real this time.

Jackals.

Impeaching that great man.

Now, not too short above the ears.

I got the debate coming up.

Gets my goat,

they're hounding that poor man day and night.

The twins think so, too.

We want to watch cartoons.

Hey.

Don't talk back to your mother.

Down at Wayne Lyon Kia,

we got the lowest prices in town,

and I ain't lyin'.

Hi, I'm Wayne Lyon at Lyon Motors.

And I want to get you behind the wheel of a new...

Aah!

- Oh, Roy. Honey... - Shit, woman.

I am so sorry.

- God. - I don't know what happened.

Hold on, let me just...

These are my mother's napkins.

What happened, Karen, is you got

all caught up in things that don't concern you

and you lost sight of the job at hand.

- You're right. - Now, it's 10:00 in the morning.

I think these girls have something better to do

than sit here, watch TV like a couple of welfare queens.

Girls, come on.

Come on, your daddy's right.

It's time to get to your lessons.

Ah, dang it.

Thought you were that crazy Swede for a second.

On account of he's missing half an ear.

Very funny.

Got Nadine's husband in the box when you're ready.