15 Ways to Kill Your Neighbour (Petite fleur)

I'm scared... I'm scared.

Push! It's quite okay.

It's hurting. I don't know how to breathe.

I've lost the rhythm. I'm breathing badly.

You're doing well.

There you have it... all good.

What I'm feeling there...

Oh, I hate you... I hate you...

Hang in there!

Fucking Argentinian arsehole!

Take a deep breath.

Fuck... it's alright...

That's it, keep going. That's good. PUSH.

- No no. Go away! - There... it's good.

Come on, just a little more.

- Not so close, not so close. - Let's move over there.

It's good. There you have it.

Stretch out... Come on, breathe.

That's it... Be brave.

- Breathe, breathe. Calmly. - That's right, push.

Push, push, push! It's good!

That's good, that's it.

Oh fuck! What a shitty idea!

Stop looking.

Please don't look.

That's good, that's it. Here it comes...

There... I see the head. Come on... it's good.

Push, push.

Push, push. That's it!

There... I've got it...

Well, at the beginning of this story, there are our characters.

The mother... she's suffered, like Joan of Arc at the stake.

And the father, during that time? Nothing!

But with Jose, that's his name...

...it's usual to be somewhere doing nothing.

Some months later, here they are in a town in the Massif Central.

When a foreigner thinks of France, he'd wouldn't picture a town like this.

Never.

Jose is here...

...to re-design the logo for a well-known brand of tyres.

Jose is an artist.

He draws comic strips. And he's very talented.

He's published some comic books and even created a character...

...having some notoriety.

A kind of evil and nasty egg with legs...

...that he's drawn for a bit too long.

The infamous Coucou.

By the way, I suppose you're asking who I happen to be.

You'll have to be patient.

I can just give you a hint.

I don't have an easy task...

...because the story I'm telling you, is that of my murderer.

Well, kind of.

A story of life and death.

And it doesn't matter in what order.

Let go of the spoon!

The idea is to eat what's on the spoon...

...and not the spoon itself, alright?

Wait... wait...

Hi.

Hi.

Your daughter only wants to eat bananas.

Have a taste.

- Anything wrong with that? - No, it's good.

- It's too watery. - It's the pumpkin.

But what's wrong with it?

What's wrong? Tell me!

Okay, let's start again. The spoon.

Here is the spoon.

Lucie...

I got sacked.

- Come on, hang up. - No wait.

They'll pick up. Just wait a bit.

Why don't you have his mobile number?

He's not a pal. He's the HR manager.

Hullo.

Hello...

I'm Lucie Echebarn, wife of Jose Adida.

Well, we have a daughter together, but we're not married.

Well, hello!

Just how can I be of help, Miss Echebarn?

- So, you're Pascal? - Yes.

Well, Pascal...

Well, the reason I'm calling you...

...is that we moved into this pretty little town...

...about 2 months ago...

...called by the agency you engaged...

...to have Jose come and work on the little guy in your logo.

We came here. Jose had other proposals.

Yes, he had.

Let me speak.

Pascal, must we get into an argument, right off?

I just didn't agree with what you were saying.

Well, now we agree.

Fine! A pleasure for me too. Thank you.

Goodbye.

Your mummy... is a genius!

I've talked with good old Pascal. And with Marc... and with Thomas...

I negotiated 12 months rent...

...12 months health insurance and 6 months salary.

- Not bad, eh? - Not bad.

I'm ecstatic!

And I think I can find a job, because Mathilde's grandpa...

...knows the founder of the local paper that's called 'La Roue de l'Auvergne'.

I wrote to him.

Are you going to work?

Yes.

And Antonia?

You don't have a job.

One of us has to work.

We don't have a choice.

- True, but she's 6 months old. - 7 months. Almost a year.

Alright, but she needs her mummy doesn't she?

- Her daddy, too. - Yes, her daddy...

Daddy too.

My mother went back to work after 2 weeks.

- When I was a month old, she was... - Working in the fabric factory.

You told me about it, as though it was bad.

Doesn't make things better.

But we didn't have a father... It's different.

And I'm not...

Just a moment.

Yes? Mathilde? Yes.

Good... Really?

But, an interview? Not to start...

Yes that's it. Scared me.

You know, I won't be able to leave the baby.

Why are they sending me this? Like I was going to read it.

For you to start drawing it again.

- Coucou's dead. - He could be resurrected.

Impossible.

You could try to read the French version.

It would be an opportunity to practice a bit.

I'd like to go back to having tuition.

I've made contact with a private teacher.

A Colombian woman.

Colombian woman?

- Not a Colombian woman. - Why not?

- A Colombian woman? - Yes.

- No way! - What?

No! Too Caribbean.

Much too... hot.

- Too like... Shakira. - So what?

No...

- This excites you, doesn't it? - Yes, it excites me.

But what really excites me, is the hair in your armpits.

She won't sleep more than five minutes.

That's enough.

Wonderful. Five minutes.

- Shit! Wait! - Should I go?

No, no... leave her.

- Let her cry. - It distracts me.

It's alright... don't worry.

- Sorry. - It doesn't matter.

- Here? - Yes.

It's putting me off.

- Have you read Francoise Dolto? - No.

What are you doing? Be patient...

Wait for me.

She ate at eight o'clock...

...but by 9.30 she'll already start crying.

But... wait...

You have to wait until ten o'clock.

Don't feed her before ten o'clock, please.

Try to hold out until 10.30 but I doubt it will work.

Mornings are the worst... She cries non-stop.

She calms down around noon, but eating is a battle.

As it's the first time, give her a whole banana.

Then try to put her to bed. She won't fall asleep...

...but the doctor says she has to understand that sleep's necessary.

It must become a routine, a ritual.

You have to try for an hour.

An hour to put her to sleep?

Yes, it's essential.

The doctor is quite adamant.

I forgot, change her before she gets dirty.

She cries when she's dirty.

- Got it? - Yes.

Alright, repeat what I've said.

Wait, tell me again.

Alright then... Call me if you need to know something?

You going to wish me good luck, Dopey?

- Dopey?! - You're not?

- Sure. - Ah!

'Bye, sweetheart!

Sorry!

Good evening!

- She's eaten? - Twice.

- Oh good? Bananas? - No, I didn't find any.

- I couldn't find any at the market. - Oh, shit!

So what did she eat?

Pumpkin.

- And she ate it? - Yes. She liked it.

How did it go?

For me?

Horrible... It was a nightmare.

Indescribable. My boss is a...

...Gaullist...

...moronic, macho...

...arsehole!