Destination Earth

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Attention.

Attention.

This is your beloved leader Ogg The Exalted.

There will be a special giant joy rally today

at Ogg Memorial Stadium

honoring that intrepid space explorer,

Colonel Cosmic.

Hear the Colonel's first words

since, his return from the planet Earth.

You are all commanded. Er, ah.

Invited to attend.

Please please.

Thank you for this unsolicited testimonial.

And now by special permission of the commander and chief.

Me.

Here is Mars first space explorer,

Colonel Cosmic.

I can't tell you how happy I am

to see your smiling faces once more.

First let me say that this trip was made possible

only by our dauntless chief,

Ogg The Magnificent!

Introducer of Ogg Power.

Which, runs most of our industry.

And inventor of Ogg Speed.

Ow!

Which, doubles the original Ogg power.

A short time ago the master was having trouble with the state limousine.

He had of course, development the Ogg-plosive charge.

But it was inclined to get a little out of hand.

Just slightly,

and of course there was always the problem of friction,

parts rubbing together,

heating up,

and causing all sorts of trouble.

B-but! But our...

Our leader was undaunted.

He immediately ordered our first expedition into space.

To bring back the secret of how other planets

got their state limousines to run smoothly.

The target was picked with painstaking scientific accuracy.

Destination Earth.

You all know with what eagerness I volunteered for the mission

and with what confidence I took off.

I took careful bearings and set out for my goal.

It seemed no time till I was approaching a country of Earth called eh...

the United States of America.

I set her down like a feather.

What's that, pa?

What's all the racket?

Naturally I protected government property

by making the saucer invisible.

They're after the chickens, ma.

And though the natives showed great interest in me,

I decided to make myself invisible, too.

Seeing moving lights in the distance, I headed for them.

What phenomenal luck,

I had landed close to what seemed to be an endless procession of state limousines.

They moved quickly and yet with fantastic smoothness.

I just had to get a closer look at one of those Earth mobiles.

Just as I thought,

not only smooth and efficient,

but powerful as well.

I watched them for hours.

Great Ganymede they were superb.

I just couldn't help comparing them with ours,

if, you call that a comparison.

Surely these vehicles must be the property of the highest officials.

I was wrong.

It seems that almost everybody in this country has one of those... uh,

uh,

they call them, Automobiles.

They use them for transportation,

for business,

for pleasure.

They use them for all sorts of things.

I found that these vehicles gather at places called, Service Stations,

where they are fed,

lubricated, that's how they beat friction

and given the finest care.

The source of their nourishment was something called Petroleum.

A power source like that must be a highly prized state secret.

I had to find out about it.

Perhaps the secret lay within this government archives building.

It was heavily guarded,

but casting discretion to the winds,

I walked boldly inside.

Their code was remarkably easy to break.

They merely substituted the word oil for petroleum.

And I soon got hold of a veritable mine of classified information.

I began to assimilate the material.

I soon found out that though petroleum products are easily found anywhere,

petroleum itself is a very elusive substance.

Experts have to search for it constantly

in all the most likely and unlikely places,