Earthquake

Goddamn it!

Your last words last night.

The first words from you this morning.

You think you should expand your vocabulary?

While you expand your chest.

Get enough exercise jogging this morning?

Don't you ever get tired?

I won't have time for breakfast.

Why not? It's ready.

Denise Marshall's boy wants a football.

I'll drop it off.

An autographed football from you?

You haven't played football in 16 years.

I guess it's part of this nostalgia binge.

Anyway, it's the ball Frank Gifford signed.

That's the signature he wants.

I find it peculiar, almost amusing.

The widow Brian Marshall comes back after seven months,

and you rush off without even a cup of coffee.

If I ask you...

If you ask me to pick up lettuce, I find some excuse.

Christ.

If it wasn't 7:30 a. m., I would have a drink.

You're a clock watcher?

What? What did you say?

I said, "You're a clock watcher?"

Don't you dare lower your voice to me!

What's this about?

I know you. We've been married long enough.

The more contempt you feel for me, the lower the voice!

Remy, you'd hardly call this a marriage, would you?

I'm going now, Remy.

I said I'm leaving.

Remy?

Remy?

Remy?

Remy! Remy!

Jim, Stuart Graff.

She's done it again.

We'll get faster action if you call the ambulance.

I'll induce vomiting. I know the rules by now.

Just get over here.

Oh, my God! Aah!

Well...

If you throw pills in the toilet, flush it.

That was a jolt.

Forget your coffee. We got an emergency inspection.

I'm off duty soon.

It's just a little tremor. That's a concrete dam.

Those are the rules, Max.

You can always use the overtime.

I suppose so.

Is everything OK? Yeah.

You check the base. I'll look down below.

At 7:46 a. m.,

a earthquake registering 3.1 on the Richter scale...

was felt in Los Angeles.

No injuries were reported. Minimal property damage...

Repeating a KJB alert...

Hello, Laura? This is Mr. Graff.

My secretary in yet?

Oh. Tell her I'll be a little late.

All right. Let me speak to him.

Mr. Graff, your father-in-law.

See me when you come in.

Let's go over that Cameron matter.

I won't budge on this.

I don't want to lose this contract.

- Thank you. - Yes, sir.

Fred?

Fred?

Fred! Fred!

Fred?

Watch it, Lou. You nearly wracked us up.

See, I told you! We'll hear about that one.

Want to drive, Emilio? No. You're driving.

We're over the city line.

Captain will bust us if we mess up in the county again.

You remember what happened with Merle?

Still don't think his gun went off by accident.

I get along fine with nine toes.

I said stay out of the county!

Some guys are just too goddamn dumb...

to stay where they belong!

Do you know who owns that hedge you wrecked?

I'm going to tell you, Slade... Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Corry? Forget about the dishes. You'll be late for school.

Come on.

Go to Mrs. Clark's when you come back.

She'll look after you until I'm home.

Stuart. Hi. Come on in.

Hi. You brought it.

Sorry I forgot last week.

Where did Frank Gifford sign?

Right there under the laces.

Thanks, Mr. Graff.

That will look great on my bookcase.

That's really nice of you.

I couldn't let down my last fan.

Hurry. Have a good day.

- Good-bye, Mom. - Bye-bye.

So long.

You know what? I've got a part in a movie.

Great.

Yeah, great.

Three days shooting, 22 lines.

It's hard, I've been out of it so long.

But I feel alive.

I didn't for so long after Brian died.

I should get dressed. Did you feel that tremor this morning?

It really wasn't very strong.

No? Would you like some coffee?

If there's an unbroken cup that I can find.

- It'll have to be instant. - Instant will be fine.

Barbara says you're the best...

Barbara?

Yes. Barbara. Your boss' secretary.

- Oh. - And my one good friend.

Well, she says...

you're the best engineer in the country.

Barbara's paid to say things like that.

That's the script of the movie I'm doing.

"Movie I'm doing. "

That's the overstatement of the year. Huh.

Here I am, two small scenes,

and I'm so worried, I was up all night...

trying to figure out how to make this thing work.

Can I help you?

Yes. You could read the lines with me.

It's just one scene, one page.

I think I know it.

Right here, near the top.

OK, let me fill you in.

I play a bit player.

The part you read is a big movie star:

A drunk, a gambler,

married 18 times, the whole thing.

And there's a dinner party.

Now, an assistant director invited me.

He's not enough of a gentleman to pick me up.

I have to drive myself. That's OK.

They're all talking about me just before I come in.

Asking him the usual questions about bit players.

Talk, talk, talk. I come in.

Introductions, introductions.

Then our big star... you... makes his appearance.

You ignore me for quite a while.

So I say to you, "Hello, Mr. Shepherd.

"It's been a long time. How have you been?"

And you say...

"Do we know each other?"

You bet your ass.

That kind of a script. Ha ha.

Oh, and my character is supposed to be a nymphomaniac.

Yeah.

The director's a strong believer in typecasting.

I'll cope with that. Want it black?

Yeah, black's...

And don't worry.

Worry? About what? I'm not a nympho.

I'm not Mary Poppins, but I'm far from being...

What's the male equivalent of a nympho?

Satyr, I think.

Satyr? Yeah.

And, uh, you don't need to worry, either.

Worry?

What I mean is I'm not Billy Graham exactly,

but I'm no satyr.

Mm-hmm.

Jesus, that tremor must have stopped the clock.

It's after 9:00. I have a 10:00 call.

- I must go. - I'm due at the office.

Thank you for everything... the cueing, the football...

and the sympathy.

And as Mary Poppins would say...

Bye-bye.

Eight stitches to close his lower lip,

Six loosened teeth!

You don't do that to a brother officer!

He's no brother officer. Merle's a county cop.

I'm talking about Los Angeles cops and county cops.

That kid stole a car.

He got stoned and slammed into...

a little Mexican girl about six years old.

She was thrown 15 feet in the air.

Probably dead before she hit the sidewalk.

Blood covered three whole cement squares...

Not splattered. Solid. Just like paint.

The driver never even slowed down.

He almost got away because some peckerwood in a cop's uniform...

was worried about a hedge!

You'll receive formal notice of suspension...

and a date for departmental trial.

Now get on home.

Hey, Lou. How'd it go?

Michelle, get me the valley reading.

OK. Have they plotted the epicenter yet?

Yes, sure was. Quite a shock.

Nevertheless, there's no scientific evidence...

that a 3.1 earthquake can loosen dental fillings.