Granny of the Dead

- A small town and no one can flee from betrayal.

And evil is looming too, he writes their tale.

From deep within hell

a curse rises up,

to strike down the old and never give up.

The elderly dead will smell blood in the air,

eating flesh of the young,

and the world will despair.

Ed, where's gem?

Babysittin'.

- I know where she is, I was just

checkin' to see if you knew.

I know where she is.

I do miss this place.

- I don't miss this church, it creeps me out.

I miss my mum's apple pie.

I miss your mum's apple pie.

- We used to have some wicked halloweens here, didn't we?

- Before, but nothing ever happens.

We should do something.

- Fancy dress? - Whoa,

shocker'd Freddy, i got the claws.

I've got a sheep costume.

I want it.

- Do you remember your 18th birthday

when I said I was coming as the invisible man?

And I just didn't show up?

- That was good, that, no one saw you all night.

You need a shave.

So do you.

Oi!

- I love the beard. - Yeah, beards rock.

- I'm hurt. - Ah.

Oh, don't please grow a beard.

- Oh, I wish I could. - Aw.

- Now gas can grow a bloody good beard.

- I heard he's bangin' a ripe little thing.

I heard she's really filthy.

- I'm his best mate and he hasn't told me.

- You know i don't like thunder.

- You are just scared of everythin'.

- Right, I'm off, got work in the mornin'.

Don't forget the parents are back tomorrow,

and nan's still ill, so.

Mm, look after her.

Just for one more day, please.

Otherwise I'll be in shit, too.

Shadow on the wall.

Why are you here?

Come on!

- Okay nan, it's time to wake up.

Lazy cow.

Oh, shit!

Look I need you to do something for me, it's an emergency.

- Oh, it better be a bloody emergency.

Don't hurt me!

- Zombies take over the planet?

- Well, not sure about the whole planet but

definitely our town.

Ah, no, no!

Oh, Jesus, jeez!

Oh, by god!

Okay listen up.

If this is for real, there's a few rules.

Firstly, do not leave your house.

In the first few hours of a zombie attack,

people will try to escape because most people are dumb.

Roads will become a mess, the town a panic.

Stay in your room, load up on weapons,

prepare to kick ass.

But stay put, and stay alert.

Hey, boy.

Listen, nan is from hell.

She's gone fuckin' mad, what do I do?

Fuck!

Ed!

My neighbor's a zombie!

Quick, go away.

Shit!

- I'm locked in my room, the whole town might be infected.

No shit.

Billy!

- I can't really talk at the mo, my mum,

she's really pissed!

God.

I can see his brains! - No no, no don't look,

don't look. - Look away!

She's gone.

Okay.

So turn around and stay in your room.

I'm gonna check it out.

- Okay what was the point in phonin' me, huh?

Oh, my god!

Shit!

Dai,

I'm back

in my room again.

Good.

Idiot.

Now listen to me and stay put.

- Dude, I think nan was cooking up pancakes.

Pancakes?

Well, a fucked up pancake.

She's cooking up my cat, she-- - yes!

Zombies will have some sort of memories left over.

I think certain things might trigger or stimulate

whatever memories it has, and act them out.

But she's not all there, remember.

It's said, the earlier the zombie,

the more memories it has left.

But soon they'll all disappear,

and all that's left is its instinct

to eat the livings' flesh.

Look.

Next thing you should do is phone the police.

The zombie attack might only be on your street

if you're lucky, so a bit of help might come in handy.

But don't mention the zombie thing, okay?

Right, what are you gonna do?

Me?

I'm gonna stay put.

Load up on weapons,

and prepare to kick ass.

- Hello, blackwood police station,

how can I help? - Yes, uh,

my name is ed, I live at number nine, high view.

I've got a huge problem.

My nan has gone crazy.

She's very old, and she doesn't know what she's doing,

but she has a shotgun

and she's shooting up the house.

I need help, the bitch has gone mad.

- We take prank calls very seriously.

Prank?

I am totally fucking serious,

my nan has gone completely nuts.

She's been tryin' to kill me all morning!

- Look sir, wasting police time is a criminal offense.

What?

She's already killed my cat.

I loved little moggy.

Please, sir.

Okay, all right.

I am wasting police time so

you'd best send someone around here to punish me.

Okay, just for the record,

are you saying that your nan doesn't have a gun

and she isn't trying to shoot you?

- No, I have the fucking gun, bitch!

Now if I were you I'd send someone round,

'cause if you don't I'm gonna have to,

have to blow my nan's goddamn head off instead.

Oh,

holy shit!

What?

- I am seeing an old man attacking the milkman!

What?

Oh!

Oh, he's okay!

The milkman has survived.

Ha!

Well, not for long.

Why?

He was injured.

Oh, we are in serious shit.

Oh, my god, ed.

There is a group of old zombies walkin' down my street!

How many zombies have you seen?

- Two, my nan and zimmer frame lady.

Oh plus Corey said his neighbor was a zombie, too.

Hmm, he was old, right?

Yeah.

- With all the zimmers outside my window,

I've only seen old zombies.

Old zombies?

Yeah.

Well in theory only the dead are turned,

but your nan wasn't dead, right?

No, but she was pretty ill.

- Then my guess is an infection has spread over the town

but it's only taken the old.

The weaker will always get infected first I guess.

Well there was something else.

She had white eyes and then

and then she had black eyes.

Like she had a demon face.

My nan's a zombie demon!

Really?

Then maybe it isn't an infection.

Maybe it's something supernatural

and the old can't fight it.

It's just a theory.

You say the old get taken.

I can't help thinkin' one thing.

Ed.

This is Eddie, fuckin' hell?

Gaz.

I need you to listen up and tell me the truth, okay?

Are you still sleeping with Billy's nan?

What?