All Creatures Great and Small

-Right! -Who have we got left, then?

Er, just Clancy.

-Joe Mulligan's Clancy? -That's right.

Seems he's been vomiting again. It's probably someone he ate.

Odd sort of creature, that. Cross between an Airedale and a donkey, I imagine.

Yes.

Look, er...

You wouldn't like to see him for me would you, while I look after that little lot?

I'd love to, you know that. But he did unfortunately ask specifically for you.

He says Clancy's known you ever since you were a little boy.

-Oh, I see. -Not frightened of the thing, are you?

-Me? Frightened of a dog? That'll be the day! -(LAUGHS)

There we are, then.

You know they were telling me down at the Drovers that when old Clancy's bored

he gets Joe down on the floor and buries him, just like a rat!

-Good morning, Mr Mulligan. -Ah, what's that, son?

I said, "Good morning!"

Yeah and no. I'm not so. I'm not...

It's me feet you know. I'm a martyr to me feet.

You'd be hard put to find a foot flatter than that one, sir.

Unless it were this one.

Yes.

-Er, been vomiting again, have we? -Pardon?

-(SHOUTING) Vomiting! -Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir, yes.

-He's been vomiting again. -Right.

Well, let's have a look at him, shall we?

Well, he sounds healthy enough. It's a good, clear note, that!

Good dog.

-Well, he seems pretty lively to me, Mr Mulligan. -Pardon, sir?

I said, "He seems pretty lively to me!"

Oh, that's good, sir.

No, let me.

-Here we are then, Mr Mulligan! -Ah, Mr Farnon.

-The usual dose. -I'm grateful to you, sir.

All part of the service. And if that doesn't do the trick,

then bring him back again to see us on Thursday at 2:00.

-Thursday, sir, at 2:00? -2:00.

-Yes, sir. -And do try to be on time for a change.

Ah, don't worry, sir, I'll be here. (CHUCKLING) We'll both be here, sir.

-Good. -Won't we, Clancy? Come on, Clancy, we'll be here.

There you are, then. Thursday, 2:00.

-Thursday, 2:00. -Ah, now, let's have a look at this.

Thursday's your afternoon off.

And James takes Helen out on Thursdays!

Good Lord, that is so. Perfectly true, perfectly true.

Imagine forgetting a thing like that!

I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs Hall.

No bother, Mr Herriot.

The way some people live.

I don't know. If they didn't have other people to look after them...

I'll be off in a few minutes. Then you can have the place to yourself.

Oh, I'll just love that.

I don't suppose you've had time to mend those socks for me, have you, Mrs Hall?

Well, now, as a matter of fact, I did. Mind you, it wasn't easy.

There were more holes than socks.

-How do you manage it, Mr Herriot? -Manage it? Manage what?

-Well, getting them in that state. -Oh, I don't know.

Wear and tear from the kind of work I do, I suppose.

-Well, how did you manage before you come here? -With difficulty.

You see, I used to buy two pairs of socks at the same time,

and then wear them till the feet dropped off,

and then I'd buy two more pairs, and so on it went.

-Bit expensive. -Wicked wastefulness.

-Yes, I suppose it was. -What you need is a good wife to look after you.

There's no shortage of nice girls in Darrowby.

Yes, well, I'm sure you're right, Mrs Hall.

Wouldn't be much fun for a girl on what I earn, though, would it?

Married life's not meant to be fun, Mr Herriot.

No.

-No, of course not, Mrs. Hall. I'm sure you're right. -I am right.

I may spend most of my time in my kitchen,

but even there I hear a lot of what's going on, and not only in this house neither.

Oh, yes?

You've been courting Helen Alderson.

Well, not exactly.

I'm not exactly courting, Mrs Hall.

I don't know what else you'd call it.

You better look sharp, my lad. A bird in the hand.

And there's many around here who would like to get their hands on that one, I know.

-Yes, well, thank you, Mrs Hall. -Ah, well.

You take heed of what I'm telling you. Otherwise, you'll find you're too late.

-Too late? -You know what I'm talking about.

About those socks, Mrs Hall?

In kitchen, on dresser.

-Oh, hello. -Mr Alderson.

I weren't aware we'd sent for a veterinary.

Well, this is more of a social call, really. Is Helen in?

Aye, she's about somewhere.

Oh, good.

Aye, well, lad, you'd best come in, then.

Thank you.

Well, sit yourself down a while.

Thanks.

-Wet. -Hmm?

-The weather. -Ah.

How's your Dandy coming along, then, Mr Alderson?

-Eh? -Dandy, you know.

That little Jersey of yours, the one in calf at the moment.

Candy.

I beg your pardon?

Her name's Candy, not Dandy. Who the hell ever heard of a cow called Dandy?

Oh, yes, of course. Dandy!

-She's all right. -Good, good. Good.

Hello?

-Hello, James. -Hello, Helen.

-Sorry I had to nip out. -That's all right.

-Dad's been keeping you entertained, has he? -Oh, yes.

Yes, we've had a rare old chat.

Doesn't think much of me, does he? Your old fella.

-Course he does. -No, he doesn't!

Matter of fact, he can't stand me.

That's not true! It's just...

Well, we've always been very close.

You're a threat.

Any young man is.

Anyway, I can't blame him.

Let's face it, I'm not much of a catch, am I? Impoverished young vet.

I'm not even a partner yet. If ever.

Richard Edmundson, though. That's who your dad probably has in mind for you.

Rich.

Powerful.

-Handsome. -Certainly that.

In a toffee-nosed sort of way.

Would you believe me if I told you he's really very nice?

No!

-What the hell do you see in me? -(CHUCKLES)

-You're always laughing at me! -Perhaps that!

What was that?

I see you!

Go on, off you go!

I've been swindled, Mr Farnon, I have.

-Swindled, Mr Biggins? -Aye!

With that damned cart horse that that swine Beresford sold me.

That horse is nothing but a pig in a poke, a right dog!

-Really? -Aye!

There's something wrong with one of his legs.

He's walking all the time, somewhat like this. Look.

-I wonder if you could show me that again, Mr. Biggins. -(ALL LAUGHING)

Yes, with the greatest of pleasure.

Perhaps that end bit, just one more time?

-What, this bit, you mean? -Hmm.

Oh, when he's trotting, does he sound like this?

Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay. No, it sounds more like this.

This?

No, no, no, not at all. I told you, he sounds like this.

-Stringhalt, Mr Biggins. -Aye?

Caused by excessive contraction of the flexor muscles of the heart.

You're quite right, you bought a pig in a poke. The condition's incurable.

I told you, aye? Aye?

-And that's not all, beside. -It isn't?

No, he's got something wrong with his waterworks.

Ooh, he has a hell of a job. He gets himself all worked up.

I wonder if you could show me exactly what happens.

With the greatest of pleasure.

Excuse me, sir.

You know when I'm doing the accounts, Mrs Hall,

you know I'm not to be disturbed when I'm doing the accounts.

It's Mrs Dalby.

Mrs Dalby? Why on earth didn't you say so?

My dear Mrs Dalby. Come in. Come in.

Thank you.

Come and sit down and make yourself comfortable.

And could you organise some tea and scones and things like that, Mrs Hall?

How about a spot of sherry while we're waiting, Mrs Dalby?

-Oh, not for me, thank you. -Are you sure?

Quite sure, thank you.

Well, how are you?

Oh, I'm all right, thanks.

-And the children? -Oh, they're fine. Thriving.

Oh, good.

And how is everything up on the farm?

Well, it's... Er...

Mr Herriot's not here, then?

Ah, no, he's not here at the moment, no.

-Oh. Only, er... It was him I was wanting to see, really. -Ah.

Well, it's the herd.

I'm afraid some of 'em, well, they can barely stand on their feet now.

Ah. Dear.

What do you think it is?

Well, there are no indications of salmonella,

or anything of that kind. Mr Herriot checked and re-checked.

Some kind of poisoning, perhaps?

James has been over those pastures with a fine-tooth comb.

Tell you what, when he comes back I'll get him to come straight up to you

and have another look. How about that?

That's very good of you, Mr Farnon.

Mrs Dalby, I have absolutely every faith in James. He is a first class vet.

But if you would like me to come up and have a look?

-Just as you like, Mr Farnon. -(DOOR OPENS)

Ah, well done, Mrs Hall. You are a saint.

Now then, Mrs Dalby. Would you be kind and, er, pour it all out?

Right.

Not so good, eh, Mr Herriot?

No, Charlie, I'm afraid not.