The Leftovers

What do you want?

I wanna be cremated.

You got it. No problem.

- You sure? - Mm-hmm.

Because Matt's gonna wanna bury me next to Mom and Dad

in the old Jamison plot about a mile from here.

- He's gonna put up a fight. - Fuck Matt.

If you wanna be cremated, I'll make sure you're cremated.

We'll burn you up good.

What about you?

- I wanna be stuffed. - Excuse me?

Stuffed. Like, you know, taxidermy.

You don't have to display me prominently.

Just stick me in the corner of the bedroom or something.

- I'll get it. - No, she'll settle.

Okay, I'll stuff you.

On one condition.

Shoot.

I get to put a beard on you.

Why?

Because I'm the one that has to have sex with that abomination.

I'm gonna dress it up how I want.

You want me to grow a beard.

Do I?

Shit! This is it.

Wake up. Wake the fuck up.

Wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!

God damn it! Shit, this is it. It's today!

It's today. Wake up!

- What's going on? - What happened?

What happened is your wife fucking drugged us, talked him out of it.

Now the goddamn flood's coming,

and we're all gonna fucking die.

- His horse is here. - Huh?

- His horse is here. - What?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Help me!

Come on! Get him off that!

Get him out!

Get him the fuck out!

Get him off, God damn it!

Get him off!

Stop!

Stop!

- What are you doing? - What are you doing?

I'm doing what you asked me to do.

I thought we'd do it together.

I know what you want me to say to Evie. Anything else?

No.

My children.

You saw the photos. Do you remember their names?

Liam, Abigail, David, Samantha, Jimmy.

Thank you.

You want me to find Christopher Sunday,

learn the song, so you can stop the flood, right?

Right.

Then let go.

Kevin Harvey.

No. No! Please, please, please, please.

Don't.

Kilo Hotel is secure.

I repeat, Kilo Hotel is secure.

Mr. Harvey.

Is that your place up there?

Yeah.

Well, are you gonna invite me in?

You got any other reflective surfaces?

TV screens, glassware, stainless steel pots?

Uh, no.

The fuck are these?

Uh, my sunglasses.

No reflective surfaces.

Do not look into them no matter what.

That's how they found you.

Yeah. Right.

"He stood on the bow of The Merciful...

the water endlessly stretching to the infinite horizon

as he contemplated the impossible distance between them,

but he would not stop until he found her."

What, are you writing a book?

There's no shame in it.

What you do in your time is your business.

Unfortunately,

folks in your line of work don't get to retire.

I'm an assassin.

Yes, sir, Mr. Harvey.

So, let's get assassinating, shall we?

Who's the target?

President.

- The president? - Of the United States.

And based on our intel, in, well, just under two hours

he's gonna start an unsanctioned nuclear war.

And you are the only man alive who can get to him before he does.

Mr. Harvey, you gonna have trouble putting him down?

No.

But I'm gonna need something in exchange.

Okay. What?

I need to find some people.

Five kids...

Liam, Abigail, Samantha, David, and Jimmy Playford.

I also need to talk to a woman named Evangeline Murphy

and a man... Christopher Sunday.

Christopher Sunday?

The Prime Minister of Australia?

Yeah.

Man, you want that kind of high-level access,

you're gonna have to talk to the boss yourself.

Here. Stick that in your ear.

You'll hear him, he'll hear you.

He'll talk you through this whole shit show.

Now, the evac chopper is two minutes out.

You're gonna wanna get yourself dressed.

Testing, one, two, three.

Testing, one, two, three.

Are you receiving me?

- Who is this? - Mission control.

Do I know you?

You made me sing.

I met you on the bridge.

And do you remember, Mr. Harvey,

what I said to you that night on the bridge

when I whispered in your ear?

You said I was the most powerful man in the world.

Goddamn right, you are.

Now, go pick up that piece of mirror and look at yourself.

I thought I wasn't supposed to look in reflective...

Shut up. You wanna get what you came here for?

Pick up that mirror and look at yourself.

Yeah! Yeah!

Here we go! Whoo!

Um...

G'day... g'day, Melbourne.

Um...

Thank you for the warm welcome.

This isn't my first time visiting the other side of the world.

Every time I'm here,

it gets harder and harder to leave.

Yeah! Yeah!

Uh...

I've come to talk to you today about marriage.

For millennia, we have believed marriage

as a cornerstone of our civilization.

Our party, however, does not share this opinion.

We believe that marriage is the single most destructive idea

ever conceived of by humankind.

That's why in my first hundred days in office,

I introduced legislation...

I'm the president.

Um, and as... as president, my friends,

tradition is powerful.

In the early days of our movement,

it was mandatory that all members smoke cigarettes

and refrain from speaking,

but we realized those traditions were stupid.

Now, it's an understandable concern.

If there is no marriage, what happens to the family?

What happens to the children?

And so we decided to have a worldwide essay contest

to answer that question in their own words.

We have one of the finalists from that contest here

with us today.

He is joined by his brothers and sisters for his essay

titled "Why I Don't Need a Mommy and a Daddy Anymore."

Please welcome Australia's own...

um...

Liam Playford.

Liam...

why aren't you wearing any shoes?

That's weird. Yeah.

Your shoes. You're not wearing any shoes.

Where are they?

Why does it matter?

Well, somebody wants...

somebody in your family wants to know.

But you said there is no family.

We need to move you now.

No, wait. I, uh...

I have to... I have to talk to that girl.

No, we haven't got time for that, sir.

We need to get you to a secure location.

I'm not going fucking anywhere until I talk to that girl.

Okay, I'll get her.

Get him to the car.

This way, please, sir.

Mr. President, Chief of Staff on the phone.

- Hello? - Mr. President,

it appears Ukrainian separatists

have taken control of an armed nuclear submarine,

and they'll have launch capability within two hours.

You're being brought to a bunker,

which you will access with your unique biometrics once inside.

- Sorry, my unique biometrics? - Yes, sir.

The door can only be unlocked by you and you alone

unless you have an identical twin brother,

which would be ridiculous.

Yeah, that would be ridiculous.

Sir, do I have your permission to move us to DEFCON 2?

Um, what DEFCON are we at right now?

- We're at DEFCON 3, sir. - Uh, DEFCON 2 is worse?

Yes, sir, it's worse.