HAPPY!

Previously, on "Happy!"...

Ah!

You're not a hallucination,

you're not my subconscious trying to gyrate me

for all my past sins.

There's probably a little girl somewhere out there

who needs her daddy. I ain't him.

You are him.

Who are you?

Hailey Hansen.

They took me away from my mom.

- I miss her. - I need your help.

Someone kidnapped my daughter.

You owe me.

I don't owe you anything at all.

Nick Sax has got my password.

The only man you ever loved broke up his marriage.

Wait a minute, were you two...

I'm gonna lose my lunch.

I bring you Sax, and we're even.

I saw what you did to all those bad guys, Nick.

If you can do that, you can save Hailey.

That picture of you that Hailey saw was real.

You were a hero once.

I guess that's why you hate yourself.

Come on, let's go find this kid.

My dad's coming. He's a hero.

He's gonna find Santa and he's gonna put him in jail forever.

What if Santa finds your daddy first?

Hey!

I'm the only one who can hear that.

Yeah.

I'm not sure I follow your point, Nick.

You know this shtick of yours...

The songs, the corny lines,

the zany "aw shucks" vaudeville routine?

It's not cute.

It's not funny.

Hailey thinks I'm cute and funny.

Hey, do you ever stop to think

maybe she didn't really send you off to find me?

Maybe she wanted to get rid of you.

Trying to get rid...

That's... uhh.

That...

That is not true.

I'm an absolutely delightful little ball of funshine.

I've known you less than 24 hours.

I already wanna kill both of us with fire

just to make it stop.

Ooh, are we there yet?

I can't. Ugh.

Do I need to remind you what happened

the last time we took our eyes off the road?

Okay.

We're gonna play the quiet game until we get off this bridge.

Oh, what's the quiet game?

Usually Hailey and I just play with apps.

You know, games on the phone.

Oh, maybe you should use Google Maps, Nick.

Amanda uses Google Maps.

It tells you the best route to take

so you don't get stuck in traffic.

Also, it sounds funny.

Google...

Google. Google.

L-O-L.

What the heck?

You can't get out of the car on a bridge.

Oh.

Ah.

What are you doing, Nick?

Anyone ever tell you about right and wrong?

Eh, there's a lot of things nobody ever told me.

Then again, I was never much of a listener.

Look, I'm not defending the guy.

- Okay. - I'm just saying...

This piece of shit's not worth us losing our jobs over.

Just take a walk. Grab a falafel.

- It won't take you long. - You know I can't do that.

You're my goddamn partner.

Three domestic abuse calls in the last week...

That guy's beating on that poor girl

like Keith Moon at Woodstock

and we're supposed to turn the other way, why?

Because he's some rich asshole's lawyer?

You know, I think we got our roles reversed here, Sax.

You're supposed to be the cynical,

jaded vet who plays by the rules,

and I'm supposed to be the idealistic,

young rookie who just can't accept that

sometimes the bad guys get away with shit.

Like I said, Mer, falafel.

It's calling your name.

All right, I'll tell you what.

We knock on this door, you be good cop,

I be, you know, me.

Stay close by, make sure I don't do

any permanent damage to this asshole,

and maybe we can both manage to stay employed.

What the hell is this?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, you're those cops that showed up last week.

Ah, Detective...

- Sax, right? - That's right.

I thought I was very specific, very specific...

Shut that goddamn thing's mouth, Coco,

or I swear to Christ!

Hey, hey, come here, Detective.

Let me talk to you a second.

Come here, between us boys, Sax.

You know what it is?

It starts out as a nice little side piece, right?

Swears up and down, it's ok, I got the implant.

Besides, the last dude she was with...

Allegedly messed her up so she can't, you know...

Next thing you know, she's knocked up.

Can you believe it? I set her up in this place.

Nice place, right? No rent, furnished.

All I expect is when I want to come out

this side of town and get off,

I don't want any lip about it, you understand?

Suppositories.

New thing.

Guys doing speedballs up the ass.

I say to myself, what kind of douchebag

would ever do something like that?

Now I see I'm looking right at him, right?

I think something's getting lost in translation here.

- Do you? - The men I associate with,

the men I represent...

I can literally take your badge, Detective.

I can just take it.

The men you associate with.

What, you wanna lay hands on me?

Do it.

Do it, make it easy.

Let me be clear.

Nothing gets lost in translation.

I am someone

that you don't wanna be associated with

in any way, shape, or form.

When I come back here,

badge or no badge,

I'm gonna take your head

and shove it up your ass

and use it like your mother's.

Eh, maybe you're right.

I could probably go for an attitude adjustment.

I don't even know what to say to you right now.

Then why don't you tell me where we're going?

Hailey. Where is she?

How the heck should I know?

You're the detective.

- You were with her, right? - Yeah.

So where did he take you?

I don't know.

You don't know?

It was dark... Really dark.

How dark?

Really, really dark.

And there was a hallway.

And then we came to a big room...

A dirty, smelly room.

There was junk everywhere,

super old junk, Nick, like,

like from when you were little.

And there were these boxes,

big wooden boxes with holes.

That's where he keeps them, Nick.

That's where the monster keeps the kids.

There's only one person who can save us.

You know who he is,

and you're the only one who can find him.

I'm not leaving you.

You have to. You have to find him.

You have to bring him back here.

But Hailey, I don't even...

You can do it.

Know why?

Because I believe in you.

So, you see, Nick? I can't let her down.

That's very heartwarming. What about the guy?

- Tell me about the guy. - The guy?

The monster.

Can you describe him?

We're gonna go see a friend of mine.

He used to be a police sketch artist

back when I was on the force.

They had to let him go because he got a little...

Ah, never mind why they let him go.

The guy's a pro, and he owes me a solid.

Now, this so-called monster of yours...

You're gonna tell me what he looks like.

I'm gonna tell him, he's gonna draw it, capisce?

- Oh, okay. - All right.

Why are we doing this again?

How many times are we gonna go over it?

I need the picture so we know who we're looking for.

Right? It's called police work.