The Witch Who Came from the Sea

- Tripoli, don't get sand in Tadd's eyes. - I won't.

Not until the last moment, when I bury his head.

Bury his head and I will hang you up by the thumbs

or at least your mother will.

OK, I'll just cover his head with honey and let the sand crabs take care of him.

Ants.

No! Sand crabs.

Bullshit!

You have severe language problems Tadd, which your grandpa wouldn't approve of.

He was a sailor.

I beg your pardon, he was a sea captain

and he would have put you in irons for using bad language.

Aunt Molly, when grandpa went down at sea

was his ship carrying treasure?

Grandpa didn't go down at sea, grandpa was lost at sea.

With treasure?

With a beautiful, beautiful crew who loved and adored him.

- And were afraid of him, huh? - Certainly.

He carried a pistol but he was very, very kind.

Now, put this leg further back.

And before I say go, make sure you're up on your toes

and ready to sprint.

- But with treasure? - Oil, stupid!

Don't call your brother stupid. He's not.

Oil is treasure.

Grandpa is lost but he still may return.

After 20 years Aunt Molly?

It's a long way from pole to pole, with many an island

and many a mermaid betwixt and between.

And it wasn't 20 years, 15!

OK, the first one to touch the pier.

Get on your marks, get set, go!

Hey, Aunt Molly. Tattoos! I want a tattoo!

I bet Grandpa had a tattoo.

I want a tiger. Look at the tiger.

- He's out of sight. - Yeah, I saw him first.

He has got blood coming from his claws.

You don't want tattoos. They don't come off.

Yeah, but that's why they're really groovy.

Please Aunt Molly, Mama would flip.

Your mother would shoot me.

Grandpa had tattoos, didn't he?

No, he couldn't have. He was a good man.

He loved everyone as God meant men to be.

Untouched, perfect.

God made all of us perfect. Truly, he did.

- Why was Grandpa lost at sea? - I don't know.

Because... he was perfect. Too good to live on land.

Oh, my God!

- Wow, Aunt Molly! - Come on. Quick, quick.

'For the Atlanta Falcons,

'Joe Washington just returned the opening kick off for The Rams 45.

'A 22-yard return.

'He we are, just the top of the game.

'The Falcons behind Sam Walters, the Electric Man.

'The first and ten, Rams' 45.

'Second and five, Rams' 40-yard line.'

If only there was a way of making a fortune baby-sitting.

You, sister Molly, could be a baby-sitting millionaire.

Don't tell me the kids don't like you better than they like me.

Their own hard working mother.

Don't say that or I'd say seaweed if you said that.

'Here we go. Back to pass. Sam Walters looks to...

Is he the greatest the football player who ever lived, Aunt Molly?

Sure, he's Sam the Electric Man.

He's very beautiful. He could be a great dancer.

A great poet, a sailor, a captain, a king.

'...the touchdown twins, Sam the Electric Man and Austin Slade.

Are they the greatest men in the world, Aunt Molly?

They're like your grandpa or Christopher Columbus

or Washington or...

Jack the Ripper.

Grandpa was a drunken bum.

You ought to come back and sleep here tonight, Molly.

You should be working in a classier saloon.

You could be a top cocktail waitress. Top.

Maybe even a 'Bunny', Molly, if you concentrated.

What kind of tips do you think those football guys leave?

Not tips like you get at a hippie joint.

- Cathy, I like... - Where do they stay?

Your heroes on television. Where do they go?

You know where they stay, Cathy.

Name me the joints. Where do they stay?

- How do you know where they stay? - I know!

Aunt Molly knows everything because she works at Centre of Information.

A bar.

Centre of Information.

Tripoli is right.

- They love you, Molly. - I know.

You and welfare, that's all they got in this world.

They've got you.

- Ah, I've got a pain. - Don't talk about that.

I've got a big pain where Papa kicked me.

Don't... Papa never kicked anyone. Don't say that.

Papa never put a finger on you and you know it.

He was an evil bastard.

And more than anyone, you know it.

You're so silly but you have a great imagination, Cathy.

You could write something like "Little Women".

If only you could concentrate.

Papa was lost at sea.

Only his brains were lost at sea.

'What's on for tonight, honey?

'That depends on how close you want to shave.'

Look! He looks like Papa.

Papa should have been so lucky.

'Well, now this is a close shave. This is the closest.

'Why do we have to go out at all?

'How close do you want to be to the woman in your life?

'Be smart! Be closer.

'Be the closest guy of all. Don't bruise the lady.'

'Hey, Molly. Do you want to come sail around the world with me?

'Just you and me in a big sail, Molly.

'In the high waves.'

'We are inside the Rams 33-yard line.'

- Are you sick, Molly? - No.

Molly, you are. You're shaking.

Don't go to work. Phone in. Tell 'em you're sick.

I'm not sick. I'm not.

I just hate it when you say those things about Papa

in front of Tadd and Tripoli.

I just need a few shots... small drinks.

What did I say?

Don't drink, Molly.

It's... Papa used to say it's good for what ails you.

What ails you, Molly?

Nothing ails me!

You want me to work as a 'Bunny'! Don't you know what those girls are?

They're hookers! A girl in every port, a hooker in every port.

I'm not showing my tits and ass for the sake of a tip.

Maybe they do a little dope at the Boathouse. My bar.

But no one pinches your bottom. No sir!

Tadd and Tripoli asked me

if both of you are the greatest men who ever lived.

- Oh... - Yes, he did. Yes.

Great doctor of the world's greatest fucking football team.

Screw Rams, screw Los Angeles.

Why do you live here, little angel?

Square knot, quarter knot.

Square knot of what?

A thousand dollars, if you can make.

A sailor's knot.

A knot I can't undo.

Hey, ya. You're great.

You were a cabin boy, right?

Seven years before the mast?

- How's the courage? - Jesus!

Get your mother fucking hand off my knee.

I won't let you play games with our sailor boy.

A sailor boy.

She's got ultra sweet knockers.

You sure you're not cutting off my circulation.

If I lose that hand, I'm going to look awfully silly

trying to catch a pass with a hook.

Here.

This will blow your mind, babe.

Hey, hey.

What kind of ideas are you trying to put in my little girl's head.

Your little girl. I'm her papa.

My papa.

Let's make it better.

You hop over him, angle tangle.

He's not my type. You are.

But you're both part of my crew, aren't you, mates?

What a lowly bitch.

I'm a lowly bitch?

Yep. But you Sam, hop.

Oh, go easy on the knee, Molly, my love, or I'll... kill you.

I'll take good care of your knee.

I'm going to enjoy this too, I hope.

Now, just one more knot.

One more... drag.

And then it's down to the sea and the ships.

More of that.

Yeah, more.

I think your friend is asleep.

I saw the motherfucker make it three times when he was asleep.

On the top or on the bottom?

Oh, passive definitely, but... wow.

You know, you're a far out broad.

- Is this always your scene? - My scene?

Ah, these knots. I think they're too tight.

Let's see what you can do with one free leg.

Huh?

I mean you've both got one leg free, don't you?

What the hell do you mean?

Let's see what you can do with one free leg.

Oh, OK.

How's that?

Ooh, yeah! I'm doing good, huh?

Hey, easy on the merchandise.

Easy on the merchandise, you silly cunt.

That's my Achilles tendon that you've got a hold of.

Goddammit!

Hey, you're hurting my leg!

Goddammit!

Hey... let me go!

Hush, hush, darling. You'll wake up your friend.

Do you shave with straight razors

or is this all going to be agonisingly slow?