Top Gear

Tonight, I point at a thing...

..Richard walks through a shop

and James has some bananas.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello! Hello, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Now, every so often we like to remind ourselves that this is

a motoring show.

So, we get three really nice cars and go for a long drive.

And what we do is, we take it in turns to choose the location.

So, if it's my turn, we usually end up in France,

if it is James's turn we usually end up in...

1953. LAUGHTER

Tonight, though, it was Hammond's turn.

So guess what?

Our meeting point was the Valley of Fire in Nevada.

And what you see here is the car I'll be using.

This is a Lexus LFA.

It's not the most powerful car in the world, it's not the fastest,

it's not the best looking and it certainly isn't the cheapest.

Plus, the Lexus badge does come with a whiff of masonry.

But I drove one of these in England last year

and I emerged from the experience thinking, "That might very well be

"the best car I've ever driven."

And that's why we're here.

To find out. FAR-OFF ENGINE ROARS

At this point, the stillness of the desert

was shattered by the sound of an approaching James May,

who was at the wheel of the new Aston Martin Vanquish.

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

It's not bad, is it?

This is a DBS replacement,

but also a bit inspired by the 177, million pound thing.

And look at the upholstery!

I know, the upholstery is outrageous.

That's the best looking Aston there's ever been, actually.

Best one they've done.

That, though, cos I've never seen one in a good colour like that,

that is pretty fantastic. No, but yours is better.

And the great thing is, I'm in the better car

and I'm just going to follow you around going, "That is beautiful."

'After a bit more mutual mastication,

'we started to wonder what Billy Bob Hammond might bring.'

Will it be something subtle, small, European?

No, my money was on something rather large,

brash and maybe even American.

FAR-OFF ENGINE ROARS

'And blow me down, I was right.'

So... The new Viper.

You? Yeah.

I know it looks exactly like the old one, but that is the new Viper.

ENGINE PURRS Yay. Subtle.

Before you two start, let me just tell you, that 8.4 litre V10,

that's the largest engine ever fitted to any production car

since the war. And looking around here,

let's not forget, this car is the fastest,

with the highest top speed, it's the fastest to 60,

the most powerful, 640bhp,

it's got the most torque and the biggest engine.

I'm sorry, Hammond. They haven't styled it.

This has been in a wind tunnel to look like this!

If that's been in a wind tunnel,

they parked it in there sideways for all the good it's done.

It's been in a wind tunnel. Look at the panel gap.

I'll stand behind you, have a look at it.

Let me see if I can see how many fingers you hold up in that panel gap.

There has to be a gap between the panels or

there'd be one piece! Let's have a look at yours.

That looks ridiculous. It's a Lexus. It's just a nerd-fest. It's a Lexus.

It's for rich golfers, is what it is. I admit, the Lexus...

If you want to talk about panel gap, there's a whopper straightaway.

It's a cooling system! Is it heck, it doesn't fit.

I'm surprised at you cos this is a bunch of retro nonsense, really.

CLARKSON SPLUTTERS No, I'm sorry, I won't have that.

It's very pretty, yes, but it's harking...

It's harking back to the past

and a car with an engine from the 1930s isn't?

This is a nerd-fest, that's for old fools, that is a proper,

honest Gran T... 8.4 litre V10. You don't need it to be that big!

Hang on a second. Who owns Chrysler now, the people that made this?

Fiat. What else do they make?

Ferrari. There you go.

But, Hammond, All-Bran is made by the same people who make Frosties.

It doesn't mean they're comparable! That's a stupid...

It's not! Right, look.

I knew I would get some flak... Shush. Shush.

Instead of just standing here arguing... Yes.

..why don't we go for a drive?

That's a better idea. Open the taps.

'Straight away, though, there was a problem.'

Not again. Hammond, why do you like it in America so much?

Every nice piece of road has an 8mph speed limit on it.

I don't know, don't ask me, it's not my fault.

Yes, it is.

I mean, what are we going to hit?

What are we going to hit here? There's nothing.

No wildlife, no people.

This is stupid. It's stupid!

'Eventually, though, the 35mph hour limit ended,

'and thanks to some trickery in the edit,

'we were able to take our cars up to a dizzying 55mph.'

There it goes.

This isn't just an engine, it's a force of nature!

Let's see what a proper V12 feels like.

Nice is the answer.

The engine in this is so exquisite

that it revs from idle to 9,000rpm in 0.6 of a second.

In fact, it revs so fast

they couldn't fit a conventional rev counter.

It had to be electronic, because a normal one simply can't keep up.

Right, let's sort something out right from the start.

James's Aston Martin costs £190,000.

Jeremy's Celica, £340,000.

This - £75,000 or thereabouts.

That is a huge difference!

It does all the fancy stuff, too, it's got all the fancy materials,

carbon fibre, aluminium, magnesium - they're all in here.

'But when it comes to technology,

'neither of their cars is a match for the howling LFA.'

It took five years of sweat, toil and cash to design this car

and then just before they put it on sale, someone said,

"You know, I think it would be better if the body was made from

"carbon fibre rather than aluminium."

And they began all over again.

How much would that cost?!

All I do know is, they sell them for £340,000

and they lose money on every single one that leaves the dealership.

'By the time Jeremy had stopped droning on about his Celica,

'we were on a motorway

'and I got the distinct impression I was playing gooseberry.'

I'd like to say that, from the back, particularly in that colour,

and in fact this light, the LFA looks absolutely epic.

I mean, seriously.

ROAR OF ENGINE

Ooh, that makes a lovely sound.

It makes a very nice noise, your Aston Martin.

Oh, God, why don't you two just get a room?

"Your car looks nice!" "Oh, your car sounds lovely." Ooh!

'But they didn't get a room.

'Instead, they stopped to look at a silly aeroplane.'

James? Yeah, yeah. B-2? Yeah.

That's amazing, isn't it?

That is a B-2 stealth bomber coming into land at...

Actually, he's turning to come over us. Yeah.

We're not supposed to be able to see it, are we?

THEY LAUGH I don't think it works!

'As the sun began to set, we were back on the road,

'heading for the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

'Here, you can drive a NASCAR round the oval,

'or you can learn the racetrack on a Ferrari simulator

'before doing it for real in an actual Ferrari car.

'But Jeremy decided we should go to the drag strip.'

ENGINES ROAR

God, that's loud!

Argh!

'We couldn't understand why, because it just seemed to be

'a lot of very noisy modified cars, which we all hate.'

Look, there's another one come in dressed as a policeman.

No, they really are police. What, genuinely? They really... I promise.

There they are, police sheriff and the fire department.

They invite kids down to race against them

to stop the kids racing on the streets.

So they race the actual police? That was a police Mustang.

They've modded, the police have modded it and then say to kids...

"What you got?" "Can you beat us?" They actually call it Beat The Meat.

No, it's probably Beat The Heat, cos heat means... Yeah, I meant that.

'To prove that modified cars are idiotic,

'Jeremy decided to take on the local sheriff.'

Yes, look, I'm up against some crummy pickup truck.

This is going to just be...

..well, deeply embarrassing for him.

That's there?!

'After this humiliation,

'I took on the state trooper in another pickup truck.'

OK, now, come on, Richard, concentrate.

Where's he gone?

'Having watched the fire department's motorcycle demolish a Honda NSX...'

'..James wisely decided to take on a youth

'in a clapped-out Mitsubishi Evo.'

Oh, yes, for England!

I'm going to do it in D and Sport, I'm going to use Launch Control.

Try not to look smug, James. Try not to look smug. Practise your face.

ENGINES PURR

TYRES SCREECH

Oh, hang on a second.

All-wheel drive beats rear-wheel drive.

God, he just sodded off.

Woo! >

Oh, now, come on.

'Having spent the entire evening losing to absolutely everything...'

Pick on a weak one!

Oh, no!

'..we decided we didn't like drag racing

'and went into Las Vegas to do strip billiards instead.'

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Humiliating.

I can't believe, I still can't believe that I was beaten

by some bloke who had spent 1,500 quid modifying an ancient Mitsubishi.

No, but the reason we hate modified cars is cos we know,

if he tried to do it again, his engine would go "BANG!