Desperate Housewives

Previously on...

Lynette confronted Tom's new girlfriend.

You think maybe you could stop

trying to take my husband away from me?

You think I'm gonna give up on him

just because you can't accept your marriage is over?

Hey, Mike!

Ben found out about Mike's past...

Ex-con?

And hired him.

I can definitely use you.

Bree showed Gaby the threatening note.

I'm sorry to burden you with this...

Why did you have to tell me?

And then she discovered the location of Ben's new development.

We're digging up the body?

Ben's bulldozers start tearing up the woods tomorrow morning.

Where are Carlos and Susan?

I didn't wanna freak 'em out.

And Susan has done nothing but freak out, so it's just us.

- But when they got there... - No!

They found someone had beaten them to it.

No matter what the circumstances,

Bree Van de Kamp always found a way to stay in control.

She curbed her impulses.

She enforced a strict dress code.

She maintained a strong moral center.

Yes, Bree was always in control,

so when it came to handling a crisis...

This is a nightmare. What are we gonna do?

It made perfect sense that she was in the driver's seat.

Yeah. I mean, I can't believe the worst thing

that happened tonight was not getting to move a dead body.

Ladies, please, I need to hear myself think.

Oh, my god! What if he's alive?

Right, and after a 2-month dirt nap,

he clawed his way out.

No, someone must have dug him out.

But who? What if it was the cops?

No! I can't go to jail!

What, and we can?

Yes! You'll start a gang.

Bree will work in the kitchen. I'm the smallest one.

I am so ending up somebody's bitch!

Shh! It wasn't the police.

They would have treated it like a crime scene,

and that awful yellow tape would have been everywhere.

Okay, then. Think about this, Bree.

What if it's someone who knows what we did,

and it made them sick...

and now they're going to tell?

Why is she talking like that?

Gaby is engaging in wild speculation,

which isn't at all productive.

There has to be a simple explanation.

We just need to take a deep breath and think,

and the answer will be right in front of us.

Susan.

Oh, my god. Of course!

Why would Susan move the body?

Because she's cuckoo crazy.

She's been flipping out ever since we buried the guy.

Okay, then what if it was her? What do we do?

We march over and we ask if she did it,

and if she did,

I know an empty grave that's going to waste.

But if she didn't,

then we just admitted that we went to the woods without her.

Imagine what cuckoo will do with that.

Clearly, we have to be diplomatic, crafty.

We'll ask indirect questions, scan her house for clues.

We'll gather information without arousing suspicion.

Okay, Bree. Well, seems like you got a good handle on this.

Definitely. Let us know how it goes.

Yes, when it came to a crisis,

everyone was happy to have Bree in the driver's seat...

Fine. I'll talk to Susan.

Even if Bree herself would have preferred to be a passenger.

As the mother of five,

Lynette scavo was used to uncomfortable questions.

Why are you eating Santa's cookies?

What happened to my goldfish?

Why were you and daddy making funny noises last night?

Yes, after five children,

Lynette thought she'd heard it all,

until there was one question...

Are dad and Jane gonna get married?

She never saw coming.

Why would you ask that?

I don't know.

They're spending a lot of time together, and...

It's okay. You can say it.

They seem really happy.

You told her to say it.

Honey, just because people are happy

and spend time together,

it doesn't mean they're gonna get married.

I mean, your aunt Renee and I spend time together.

And we're not getting married

till your mom makes a lot more money.

- I'll get it. - Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You all ready to see "Wicked"?

- Hello, Lynette. - Hello.

Oh, my god. Look at your hair.

We're twins.

Yes, you are.

Penny, where did you learn to do that?

Jane taught me.

Oh, it's easy. I could teach you, too.

Oh, I know how to do it.

Okay. Uh, we should go.

We might not be home until 11:00.

- On a school night? - It's my fault.

I went to high school with the wicked witch,

and she invited us backstage. Is that okay?

O-oh, my god.

Can I, mom?

What can I say? Since you asked me in front of Penny.

- Let's go, zuzu. - Yeah.

Bye.

"Zuzu"?

Yeah. She's got a cute nickname for Penny.

I bet she's got one for you, too... "doormat."

What?

It's bad enough she stole your husband,

and now you're letting her take your daughter, too?

What am I supposed to do?

I'm not gonna drag Penny into the middle of this.

Well, apparently, Jane doesn't play by the same rules.

I think it's time to fight dirty.

I don't know how to do that.

Well, you're in luck.

She might have gone to school with the wicked witch,

but you went to school with me.

It's portfolio review time.

That's the special moment where I tell you all

how you're letting me down.

Okay, uh, speaking as a former teacher...

Still pontificating.

Now some might say,

"He must think pretty highly of himself"

"to judge other people so harshly,"

to which I say, yeah, he does.

Can you believe this guy?

I would die for him.

Yeah. That's a healthy attitude.

So while you're opening your portfolios

and arranging your works,

let me tell you what I do not wanna see.

Bowls of fruit.

Portraits of children.

Frigid winter landscapes.

Lush summer vistas.

However, I do enjoy a nice ocean scene...

Just so it's not ruined

by the addition of a sad, little sailboat.

Did you look in my portfolio?

As a matter of fact, I did.

I wanted to steel myself for disappointment.

Okay, again, as a former teacher,

that's not how you motivate people.

Apparently not.

You haven't grown an inch since you started my class.

Your work's the same as it's always been...

technically proficient but totally boring.

You never surprise me.

Amy, on the other hand, is nothing but surprises.

Thank you.

Don't talk, dear.

Her technique is atrocious.

Cats with crayons could draw more convincingly,

but what she does is real,

and it bleeds.

And I love it.

I would follow him into hell.

I think we already have.

Celia, get back here! Give me that now!

Hey, hey, hey, enough with the screaming!

Come on. Sit down. Come on.

What are we having? Spaghetti and meat-shapes?

Well, they started off as balls. What do you want from me?

Is daddy eating with us?

No, sweetie. He's taking a nap.

Celia! Use a fork, not the doll.

Mom, remember that cabin on the lake?

Can we rent it again for spring vacation?

Spring? It isn't even Thanksgiving yet.

I know, but we always plan our vacations in the fall.

Well...

who knows what we'll be doing then?

Let's... just worry about that later, okay?

But we know we wanna go there. Why can't we plan it now?

Will you just stop?!

Just eat your food.

And what am I gonna tell her?

"Sorry, sweetie. We can't rent that cabin"

"'cause daddy and I might be in jail by spring."

Will you stop? We're not going to jail.

You can't promise that, Carlos.

It's been two months. Nothing's happened. Relax.