Black Dynamite

>> Black Dynamite: IT'S THE FIRST BLACK HISTORY MONTH IN

BLACKS' HISTORY, A TIME FOR US

TO REFLECT ON HOW GREAT OUR BLACK ASSES ARE.

BUT INSTEAD, WE ABOUT TO BEAT OUR BLACK ASSES TO DEATH.

>> Honey Bee: MAN, IT IS FINALLY

GREAT TO BE BLACK AT LEAST ONE

TIME OUT OF THE YEAR.

>> Cream Corn: YEAH, IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE BEING WHITE.

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, BLACK DYNAMITE AIN'T CELEBRATING

HIS BLACKNESS ON ANY MONTH THAT

THE WHITE MAN TELLS HIM TO.

SO FOR ALL OF FEBRUARY, I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE DAMN GREAT

THING MY PEOPLE HAVE DONE.

>> GOOD EVENING, BLACK COMMUNITY!

I AM THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON, YOUTH DIRECTOR OF

OPERATION BLACKMALE AND FOUNDER

OF THE PRE-PAID RACE CARD.

ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHY THEY HAVE PAID ME TO BE HERE TODAY.

>> Bullhorn: MAN, THAT REVEREND SHARPTON IS SHARPER

THAN A TACK!

HE KNOWS HOW TO DROP THAT KNOWLEDGE WHILE STILL LOOKIN'

LIKE A MACK!

>> ON BEHALF OF OUR SPONSORS ROSCOES, ANACONDA MALT LIQUOR,

AND SMOKEY'S BBQ CIGARETTES, I

PRESENT TO YOU THE NEWEST AND BIGGEST, BLACKEST MEMBER OF THE

BLACK COMMUNITY, THE GREAT

DR. KING!

>> Black Dynamite: DREAM

ACHIEVED?

IS HE DREAMIN' ABOUT TAKIN' A SHIT?

>> Honey Bee: MM, HE DOES LOOK A LITTLE CONSTIPATED.

AND COULDN'T THEY HAVE PUT A LEAF ON THAT THANG?

>> Bullhorn: MAN, THAT'S A SIGHT I WISH I'D NEVER SEEN!

A KING-SIZE, MARTIN LUTHER KING DING-A-LING!

>> I SEEN TONS OF DING-A-LING, AND THAT IS DEFINITELY A BALL

SACK.

BUT WHY IS IT SO BIG?

>> Bullhorn: DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ART, YOU WHORE?!

IT'S OBVIOUS MARTIN'S BIG-ASS NUTS IS JUST A METAPHOR!

>> THAT'S RIGHT, BROTHER!

BUT THIS STATUE IS ABOUT MORE THAN METAPHORICAL BALLS AND

SHITTY DREAMS.

IT'S ABOUT STRUGGLE!

>> Honey Bee: SO HE IS

CONSTIPATED.

>> AND UNITY!

SO THAT BLACK AND WHITE CHEEKS ALL OVER THE WORLD CAN COME

TOGETHER AND DOO-DOO FOR PEACE,

JUSTICE, AND EQUALITY FOR ALL!

GIVE IT UP FOR THE KING AND HIS

MIGHTY DEUCE OF UNITY!

>> AWW, MAN, DR. KING IS

SHITTIN' IN THE SAME PLACE I WAS

GONNA SHIT! MOVE YO ASS, DR. KING!

MONTH HAD THE BLACK COMMUNITY

FEELING MORE HISTORICALLY BLACK THAN ANY MONTH THEY EVER HAD.

BUT NOT BLACK DYNAMITE.

HE'S BEEN FEELIN' LIKE A BAD BLACK MOTHER SINCE HE CAME OUT

HIS BAD BLACK MOTHER.

>> MMM! MMM!

THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE FIRST DAY OF

BLACK HISTORY THAN WITH A PLATE

OF CHICKEN TITTIES AND FIDDLE FADDLE, A STATUE OF DR. KING ON

A WHITE SHITTER AND THE WORLD

PREMIERE OF "ROOTS" THE MINISERIES AT ROSCOES.

>> Cream Corn: "ROOTS"?

WHAT'S THAT, A GARDENING SHOW?

>> Bullhorn: NO, I THINK IT'S ABOUT BLACK MAGIC OR MAYBE

VOODOO!

BUT HOW DOES IT TIE INTO DR. KING'S STATUE TAKING A

BOO-BOO?

>> IT'S TIME, Y'ALL!

THE MOMENT WE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR -- "ROOTS" THE MINISERIES!

>> MAN, YOU BULLSHITTIN' MAN.

THEY ACTUALLY SHOWIN' "ROOTS," MAN, UP IN HERE?

>> Honey Bee: WE FINALLY GET TO LEARN OUR HISTORY!

THIS IS SO EXCITING!

>> Black Dynamite: DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN THE PAST,

HONEY BEE.

REMEMBER, IT AIN'T WHERE YOU COME FROM.

IT'S WHERE YOU GOT YOUR DICK RIGHT NOW.

>>

>> WHAT?

>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?

>> LeVAR BURTON!

>> IT'S TOBY!

>> LOOK AT THAT -- OOH -- RIGHT THERE.

>> I'M ANGRY NOW.

>> Cream Corn: WAIT A MINUTE!

BLACK PEOPLE WERE SLAVES?

I THOUGHT WE WERE FROM CLEVELAND!

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT "ROOTS" TALKIN' ABOUT 'CAUSE I AIN'T

BEEN A SLAVE TO NOTHIN'.

>> Honey Bee: HOLD UP.

THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT! I KNEW WE WAS SLAVES, BUT WHO

THE FUCK THEY YELLIN' AT LIKE

THAT?!

AND WHAT'S WITH THE WHIPS?!

I WISH AN N-WORD WOULD!

>> Bullhorn: NOW, I'M NOT SAYING I WOULD HAVE WILLINGLY PICKED

COTTON ON MY KNEES!

BUT AT LEAST THEM MEAN MOTHAFUCKA'S COULD HAVE SAID

PLEASE!

>> MAN, IF BLACK FOLKS HAD SLAVES, WE'D BE LIVING LIKE

WHITE FOLKS, TOO!

I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW MUCH MONEY THEY MADE SELLING SLAVES.

>> THAT'S ENOUGH WITH THE WHIP,

MOTHER--

>> THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

>> Black Dynamite: OKAY, OKAY NOW, BEFORE YOU GET YOUR SLAVERY

SHACKLES IN A BUNCH, WE DON'T

EVEN KNOW IF THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

ROSCOE, CHECK OUT THE TV GUIDE AND SEE WHAT IT SAYS.

>> OKAY, BLACK DYNAMITE.

LET'S SEE.

IT SAYS HERE THAT "ROOTS" THE MINISERIES IS BASED ON THE TRUE

STORY OF BLACKS BEING ENSLAVED

BY WHITE MAN FOR 465 YEARS?!

>> NO WAY!

THAT CAN'T BE TRUE.

>> HOLD ON. THERE'S MORE.

THE DEPICTION OF SLAVERY IN THIS MOVIE IS NOT AT ALL ACCURATE.

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, SEE THERE.

KEEP GOIN', ROSCOE.

>> "IN FACT IT WAS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE.

THERE IS NO WAY ON GOD'S EARTH WE COULD SHOW HOW BAD REAL

SLAVERY WAS TO BLACK FOLKS

'CAUSE THEY WOULD LOSE THEY COTTON-PICKIN' MINDS?!"

>> Honey Bee: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL, BUT I FEEL LIKE WHOOPIN'

SOME ASS -- WHITE-CHEEKS-ONLY

ASS!

>> I THINK THE BIBLE SAYS SOMETHING LIKE, "DO UNTO OTHERS

AS THEY HAVE DONE UNTO YOU!

AND AN EYE FOR AN EYE IS LIKE A SLAVE FOR A SLAVE" OR SOMETHING

LIKE THAT.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY, AS MY

GOOD-FOOTED BROTHER JAMES BROWN

WOULD SAY, IT IS TIME FOR THE BIG PAYBACK!

>> HEY, SUCKA, YOU BLACK OR

WHITE?

>> UH, UH, UH THAT DEPENDS ON WHY YOU'RE ASKING?

>> OKAY, OKAY, LET'S RUN IT THIS WAY.

DO YOU PREFER GRAPE JUICE OR PURPLE DRINK?

>> UH, UH, GRAPE JUICE?

I MEANT DRINK! PURPLE DRINK!

NO!

>> "INSIDE ANNIE'S HALL," TAKE SIXTY-NINE!

>> AND ACTION!

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, I DIDN'T

AGREE WITH REV'S BIG PAYBACK AS

A WAY TO TAKE OUR 400 YEARS OF SLAVERY PAIN AWAY.

BUT BLACK DYNAMITE MUST ADMIT, IT FELT KIND OF GOOD TO SEE

"THE MAN" IN SHACKLES.

>> DON'T TOUCH ME!

LET ME GO!

GET YOUR DAMN STINKING PAWS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!

>> HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I LOVE THE SHOW "GOOD TIMES."

TEMPORARY LAYOFFS!

>> NOW, BULLHORN, I'M PUTTIN' YOU IN CHARGE OF THE SELLING AND

MASTERING OF ALL THE SLAVES.

YOU WILL BE MY DEPUTY OVERSEEING OFFICER OVERSEER.

>> Bullhorn: AL SHARPTON, I'LL WORK THESE SLAVES TO THE BONE

AND SELL 'EM BY THE POUND!

SO DON'T WORRY YOUR PRETTY PERM.

OFFICER OVERSEER BULLHORN WON'T LET YOU DOWN!

NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE USED TO SWAP

MEETS THAT HAVE EVERYTHING YOUR

HEART COULD BUY!

BUT WHO WOULD EVER THUNK WE'D BE HAWKIN' HONKIES, 2 FOR 25!

>> THEY SELLIN' THESE WHITE BOYS 2 FOR 25!

THAT'S A DEAL.

>> Cream Corn: WHAT A BARGAIN, BLACK DYNAMITE!

WAIT. WHAT?

DO THEY COME WITH THE SHACKLES OR THOSE SOLD SEPARATELY?

>> IS THERE SUCH THING AS A SLAVE LAYAWAY?

LIKE A "SLAVEAWAY"?

>> LIKE A SLAVEAWAY, YEAH.

>> Honey Bee: MMM, I THINK I'M GONNA GET THAT LITTLE CUTE,

CHUBBY, BALD-HEADED ONE RIGHT

OVER THERE.

HE GOT SOME NICE TOE-SUCKIN' LIPS.

>> Black Dynamite: SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE, WHITE SLAVERY

FEELS RIGHT.

BUT I KNOW IT'S A WRONG RIGHT.

AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I LEARNED ABOUT WRONG RIGHTS, IS

THAT THEY NEVER RIGHT THE WRONG.

>> Bullhorn: FIRST UP ON THE SLAVE BLOCK IS THE SMALLEST,

NEUROTIC, SERIAL-KILLIN',

PEDOPHILE-LOOKIN' MOTHAFUCKA WE GOT IN STOCK!

>> WAIT. YOU DON'T WANT ME!

I'M A BIG-TIME FILM DIRECTOR.

MY ONLY TALENT IS MAKING FILMS.

>> IF ALL HE DID WAS MAKE MOVIES, AIN'T NOBODY HEARD OF

HIM, WE OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO GET

HIM FOR $10.

>> Bullhorn: MAN, NOBODY HERE RECOGNIZES YO ASS!

NOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW IS CAN YOU CUT GRASS?!

>> MAYBE WHEN I WAS A KID, I DID IT ONCE?