Fargo

Keep your hands off of me!

- - Come on, Scotty.

Now, if anybody tries to stop us,

you just bite 'em on the ankle, okay?

No one's listening to me!

- Oh, God! - Hey, hey, hey!

Oh!

Oh, oh! No!

- No, no! No! - It was a human error! - Wait.

I can ex... Not deliberate! Human error. Oh, God!

Scotty, wait, Scotty.

- Mom! - Scotty! Don't worry, okay?

- Where's my daughter? - Mom!

Scotty!

Oh... Oh, it's okay, hon.

Don't worry, the police are just helping Mommy.

["I've Seen All Good People" by Yes playing]

Mom!

No, I...

- Mom! - Scotty!

- -

Scandia Middle School meeting is now over!

The meeting is over.

Freedom!

Shoot.

I tell ya.

Ma'am, I'm sorry, could, um... could you...

I'm worried about my daughter,

who just saw her mama carted away in handcuffs.

Well, you should have thought about that

- before you tased the officer. - Should have thought,

"Oh, boy, I hope my daughter

don't see her mama carted away in handcuffs"?

What's the world coming to is all I'm saying.

Neighbor against neighbor.

That... I agree with you there.

We were just trying, me and my girl, to get out.

School board meeting, my A-S-S.

And then Mr. Abernathy, the math teacher,

he came at me like something from a zombie movie.

Which, don't come at a mama lion when she's got her cub.

You know what I mean?

But the officer... that...

He was just wrong place, wrong time.

Well, here's what I know.

It's a beautiful day.

And you know what they call a herd a lions?

A pride.

So think about that.

Makeup bag.

Can I at least fix my h...

My prints, do they...

Is there a national database you put those in?

Why? You some kind of fugitive?

No. I just

- don't want this to turn into a big deal. - Okay.

Oh, geez, hon. Looks like you had a heck of a time of it.

Last school board meeting I ever do.

- Here. - Okay.

Oh, gosh, they put those cuffs on so tight.

Ya.

- Here. - Okay.

How come you look so nice?

Oh, going to Mom's for the, uh, Christmas card deal.

- Tonight? - Yeah.

Scotty's there already.

Went with Jerome, her major domo.

Well, hon, look at me.

I've been in the hoosegow.

I got lice, possibly.

Yeah, well, believe you me,

I asked if we could move it, but you know Mom.

Well, I got your frock and hair stuff in the car.

I just scooped all your makeup into a bag.

Except the bronzer, on account of

- you said it gives you hives. - Mm.

Look, we're in this rental today.

Lots... and lots of leg room.

- Okay, then. - Yep. Here you go.

- Thank you. - All right.

Is Scotty...

Was she upset?

You know...

nothing some SpongeBob and her Game Boy

- couldn't fix. - Hm.

It was mayhem, hon, I tell ya.

Lucky I had the Taser.

Although, on second thought,

maybe better if I hadn't been so freewheeling with it.

So they give you a summons or what?

Full-on arrest scenario.

Fingerprints, perp photo.

- Geez. - Mm.

You're lucky they didn't ask to look up my hidey hole.

Well,

Mom said she's putting Danish Graves on it, so...

You told your mom?

I mean, yeah. I...

What else am I suppo...

She's the one with all the connections.

The lawyers, judges.

When they called, the police said you

shocked a cop, so...

On accident, to be fair.

Yeah. Well,

Danish says the boys in blue get real miffed

when you rough 'em up, so,

not sure how easy he can make this go away.

You might have to do some community service.

Mm. You mean, on top of the 50 hours a week I spend

raising money for the PTA,

the Girl Scouts and the new library?

Ya.

I can't believe you told your mom.

Go ahead.

Checking now.

- Is it Christmas already? - No, ma'am.

First comes Halloween, then Thanksgiving.

This is just for the card.

Over the mountain and through the... loop.

Ah.

That's close enough, huh?

You sure you don't want to wear a dress?

Oh, shoot.

- Suit's more dress-up. - Oh, that's true.

Think I salvaged it.

You look great, hon.

- Thanks. - Doesn't she, Dad?

Oh... my.

Splendid.

Okay, we're ready here, if you want to alert Mrs. Lyon.

- Hey, come here. - Dad did it backwards?

Um, hey, hon, you got any nuts?

I'm starving.

There's a dinner after. Maybe not for us.

- Oh. -

I'm here.

- You're ruining my entrance. - What?

- You're... - Oh. Uh... Uh...

I'm here.

Mrs. Lyon, I set you up here in front of the tree.

I hope that's acceptable.

Where's my granddaughter?

- I'm here, Nana. - Where?

- Right here. - Hmm.

How progressive.

Let's put the cross-dresser in the center.

Wayne, you and your outlaw wife can sit on the bench.

Wink and I will flank.

All right.

And shall I...

Family only.

Jerome.

["Sleigh Ride" by Jack Jones playing]

What the heck?

It's about strength,

a projection of our values as a family.

Make a choice, dear.