Misfits

My flat's been broken into. I have to go.

All these girls come onto him. He knocks them all back. Come over and watch a DVD.

It's cos you want to get in my knickers, right?

I'll settle for a kiss.

I've got another power.

A power to bring people back from the dead.

It's like a zombie film.

I'm Lola. I'm a trainee probation worker.

You don't act like one.

Maybe I only want to be a probation worker

so I can meet bad boys.

I love you.

What's that?

I said I love you.

What is it?

I need some fresh air.

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Get some drinks.

Same again?

Curtis?

Where did you go?

What happened to you?

Where have you been?

What do you want, Jake?

I can't stop thinking about that guy.

I never asked you to kill him.

I did it for you. I, I was trying to protect you.

And for a while you got to fuck me.

I thought you understood the arrangement.

An arrangement?

Why are you being like this? I love you.

Go home, Jake.

You're not walking away from this.

If I go down, I'll take you with me. I'll tell them everything.

Are you threatening me?

You used me.

You bitch.

You fucking bitch!

You want to hurt me?

Do it.

You wouldn't be the first.

Fuck you.

Lola?

Jesus. What happened?

He attacked me.

Lola?

Are you OK?

You want to tell me who he is?

He's my ex.

We used to see each other.

He's obsessed with me.

Every time I try and leave him, he finds me.

He doesn't own you.

He says if I don't go back to him...

he says he's going to kill me.

You have to go to the police,

report him.

I went to the police before. They didn't do anything.

They just made it worse.

I'm so fucking scared.

Shhh. Shhh.

I won't let him hurt you.

I'm not going to let that happen.

Finn! Finn!

Finley!

What? What? What is it? What's happening?

Have you got any jelly?

Have I got any jelly?

Yeah.

What for? What do you need jelly for?

Well I would've thought that was pretty friggin' obvious.

Check that out.

Hi.

Are you gonna...?

Yeah. Repeatedly, have you got any jelly or not?

No.

Shit, that's a shame.

Right, well I'll see you, on the flip side.

See ya up top.

Come on?

There's no jelly, love.

Oh, my giddy... I'm having a stroke.

I'm having it, I'm having it.

Cos I've died and gone to frigging heaven.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

It's my cock.

How would you like it if I was bringing girls back

and shagging them in front of you?

I'd fucking love it.

And what about her? I'm sure she doesn't want me there.

Eh, she's into all that er, dogging.

I used to think you had to own a dog to take part in that shit.

I made up this elaborate story this one time, listen to this.

About a cooker spaniel by the name of Bobby,

got crippling arthritis in his back legs,

had to have the bastards removed,

replaced with a set of wheels.

He was, he was loyal, he was faithful

and he got me more minge than you could shake a stick at.

I bloody miss that dog, you know.

You're remembering he... he didn't actually exist?

Yeah, I know, but certain slightly larger ladies

that gather in certain designated lay-bys and picnic areas.

They did not know that.

We need a system, for when we bring girls back.

Are you planning on doing that? Dude, I just assumed

your cock had withered and shrivelled like a tiny raisin in the hot Californian sun?

There's no withering, or shrivelling.

I prefer to think of him as a tiger.

Really?

Well he hasn't have fed for a while, but he is poised,

ready to pounce.

I just need to find an angle.

Right, here's your angle, borrow Bobby.

You're offering to lend me your imaginary dog?

Yes, I bloody well am.

If you were any kind of man at all you'd be over there

telling her an heart-breaking story about a little dog with arthritis.

You OK?

What?

Wait, wait, talk slower.

Where are you?

No, just stay there.

What is it?

It came in the post.

He knows where I work.

I have to go away for a while.

Where are you going to go?

I don't know.

Somewhere away from here, anywhere he can't find me.

What about us?

If I stay, he'll hurt me.

I have to go.

You don't have to. I'll talk to him.

I'll go and see him.

I'll tell him you're with me now.

You think he's going to listen to you? I'll make him listen.

No, no, no.

You don't know what he's like.

This one time we were in a bar.

He thought this guy was looking at me.

He nearly beat him to death.

If you go round there, he'll kill you.

I ain't going to lose you cos of this prick.

Where does he live?

I bought it for protection.

I ain't going round with no gun.

If he hurt you I'd never forgive myself.

Take it.

Please.

I don't want you to get hurt.

He'll lie.

He'll try and turn you against me.

Whatever he says to you...

you can't trust him.

Sorry, I'm...

Sorry?

I was just...

Sorry.

I'm not much company.

What's going on?

Me nan's dog. Bobby.

He had his back legs amputated yesterday.

Seriously?

Yeah, they just chopped them off,

replaced them with a set of wheels.

Do you want to go for a drink at the bar later?

I'm not going to the bar.

I don't want to see Alex, the barman guy.

Right. Good. What a wanker.

Maybe a bit harsh.

I really need someone to talk to about little Bobby.

I'm not being funny but I'm probably not the best person to talk to about dogs.

I hate them, shitting all over the place and...

I hate the shitting.

Fuckin' shitting little Bobby with his squeaky little wheels just...

They should just put him down.

Can't you just oil the wheels to stop them from squeaking?

Well that would be the humane thing to do.

Take whatever you want.

I ain't here to rob you.

I'm here cos of Lola.

You don't go anywhere near her. You don't call her.

You don't send her no photos.

If she even sees you.

You even think about hurting her,

I'll fucking kill you. You hearing me?

I'd never hurt her.

I saw what you did to her.

You're a big man, beating up women.

I didn't touch her. I wouldn't do that.

Don't lie to me!

I wouldn't hurt her! I love her!

Whatever she told you about me, she's lying.

She's using you.

What happened?

Are you hurt?

It isn't my blood.

Curtis, what happened?