Hear No Evil

Hi.

No, really. I couldn't. Thanks.

Five more minutes, honey.

Don't worry. They're young. They'll grow out of it.

You didn't break up with the only guy in the world...

Who knows how to sign.

Besides, he was a dick.

Give it to me! Give it to me!

Oh, good! For the race.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, great.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

I just wanna meet a guy that'll play with me...

During the wet Portland winters.

Hey, Grace. Hey.

- Hi, Richard. - Hi.

Jillian, Richard. Used to work at the gym.

Uh, Jillian just moved to Portland. She's deaf?

Ask me. Oh. You're runnin' the marathon.

- Mm-hmm. - I think that's great.

We had a couple people in wheelchairs last year.

Yeah, I gotta-- I gotta finish, so--

I'll see you in the race, okay?

Asshole.

Ooh, nice butt though. What?

Okay, it's time to exercise. No.

I gotta go get Alex. Oh, okay.

You oughta really concentrate. Could've been a duck.

Get your ass up here. You're about 40 minutes late.

I need the car. The keys in the bag? No way, no how.

I'm on to an incredible story here, and I'm waiting to hear from a very important source.

What do you say, pal? What is it, meter maids again?

Don't bust my balls.

All your big stories, that's my favorite.

"Meter maid scandal rocks city hall."

- I don't know why you didn't win the pulitzer for that.

Excuse me, Ben.

You didn't happen to take an asshole suppository this morning, did you?

Holy cow. Ben,

the car will be so filled with gas, you will not even recognize it.

Premium, good gas.

I got a chance to do something here.

Let me take the chance?

You know, Ben, these guys-- these guys are everywhere, man, you know.

You can cut out the intrigue bit, Mick. You got the keys.

It's not a bit. I know you heard about the prentice museum rip-off.

Yeah? Yeah, well, I'm way inside the entire story.

Some rare coin or somethin', right? A million bucks-worth rare.

Now it turns out, through my own personal investigation,

that I'm gonna find out who's behind this whole thing.

Let it warm up before you go.

Okay, mom. I'm serious.

Kidding.

Hello, my personal trainer.

Do you have any idea how much I enjoy telling people I have a personal trainer?

Makes me sound like I'm rich. That'll be the day.

What? Oh, oh, oh, oh.

You're a little moody because I owe you for one or two sessions, right?

Five! What? Come on, come on!

All this is gonna change. I happen to be on to a story...

That is gonna blow your mind.

This time next week, every major wire service and newspaper in the United States...

Is gonna be throwing cash at me-- slow down.

My source has your phone number...

And may very well be calling your beeper with a message for me.

Oh, my God. You're the best.

How does a beeper like that work for somebody, you know, like you?

Beep.

Vibrate.

Oh!

I am more than a little turned on right now. I'm not gonna lie to you.

But I gotta make a phone call. Will you keep an eye on that? I'll be back.

But--

you pulled off this museum robbery all by yourself?

I built tougher alarms in high school.

And then you went on to kill the guard?

Hey, wanna try this? I built it myself. Pretty fun.

I'm all set. Thanks. Who, uh, hired you?

Brock.

Brock. Lieutenant Phil Brock, Portland's very finest?

He comes to me, says steal this coin,

or he's gonna turn over some tapes to my parole officer.

What tapes? Brock's like fuckin' Nixon. He tapes everybody.

- Yeah. Wiley here. - Lieutenant was right.

He's out at Fourth and Olivera playin' with his car. Goofy motherfucker.

That prick reporter's with him.

You wrote all those stories about Brock. So I end up dead someplace, it was him, okay?

I want people to know. He's gonna get rich off my coin.

Listen, son, I wrote those stories a long time ago.

Shit! I'm not the same reporter--

hold this. I'll call ya.

I haven't seen T.W. in a week.

I swear to God, man, I don't even wanna see the guy.

I mean, he's a fuckin' squirrel.

Will you cut me a break,

turn that shit off?

Let's start again at the beginning.

- I wanna meet your friend, T.W. - This is bullshit!

You can't hold me--

- I don't know! - Found him, sir.

There we go.

Okay. Nothin' happened here, did it?

No, nothin' happened. That's a good boy. Very well.

That's a good lad. Run along now.

Thanks very much for your cooperation.

T.W. Didn't have the coin on him.

I see.

I'm gettin' a little tired of these foul-ups, son.

But he did talk to Mickey O'Malley right before.

You know, you're gonna be retiring someday yourself,

but I wouldn't count on that civil servant pension.

You gotta learn to put something else aside. Learn somethin' from the old man here.

I've been tryin' to teach you and Cooper the way my captain taught me.

But then I didn't foul up the way you guys are.

Wiley,

find O'Malley.

Just do it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

What do you say we blow off this afternoon, go get some chow--

oh, come on, Jillian. Opportunity has knocked at my door. I'll pay.

Cannot hear a fuckin' thing.

Who needs a story?

I'll just buy myself a Pulitzer.

Come on.

Nothin'.

Where's O'Farrell? - Search the apartment.

Sorry for the intrusion. Lt. Brock, police department.

Come on, guys! He didn't jump out the window.

Come out, come out. Get outta there.

Up, up.

Long time no see, pal. This guy's a suspected felon.

We're taking him down for questioning. Sorry for the bolt.

We'll send someone back to fix it.

Lookit, lieutenant, what is the problem?

All I was doing was interviewing a source.

Well, that's not what T.W. told us...

Before his unfortunate accident.

About this coin, you know, I'm really hoping you didn't do anything distasteful...

Like insert it up your rectum, O'Malley.

What oh, that's just fuckin' great, Phil!

This is fuckin' police brutality, man. Maybe you'll listen next time.

Where you been, Mick? It's the '90s. Supreme court's on our side now.

I'm tired of wastin' time. Can you identify that object? Yeah.

- Identify it for me. - .22-- unregistered, untraceable.

That's right. So you know I can take you down any alley in town,

blow your useless red head away, stick this in your little paw...

And come away with another letter of commendation?

Yeah.

Something's missing, Mickey. Did you stash it at your girlfriend's?

Careful, Mickey. Very careful.

You've got till midnight tonight. Do we understand each other?

Yeah. Very good.

Yo, sergeant, turn that up. It's one of my favorite arias.

Certainly, sir.

Mickey, put it there.

Jillian!

Aw, come on, huh?

Your beeper.

Thanks.

Who switched it?

Turn on your goddamn beeper, will ya?

A new record. I get my car back the same day. My keys.

I gotta borrow some money from ya. Mick, I'm gettin' slammed here.

Let me turn some tables. I'll be back in a little while. I'm serious!

I need a thousand dollars, and I need it now, man.

- Ben, I need some help over here. - Roscoe will lend it to ya.

I'm good for it, right? What's it for?

Just--

Okay, what's goin' on?

Remember I told you I was working on that story about the museum--

the guard got shot. Aw, the big story. I should've known.

Yeah, well, now it definitely looks like the cops are involved.

- Guy named Brock, and he's after me-- - Cut with the fairy tales.

I got a restaurant to run. There's nobody after you. There's no conspiracy.

Hey, Ben. Hey, Ben!

Are you hearing a word I'm saying here?

I am talking about people that you don't mess with on your best day.

Do you understand?

Now, this car and the money--

you know, that's the last favor I'm ever asking you.

Swear to god.