Misfits

You're on community service?

Don't look like the type.

Looks can be deceiving.

That's six quid.

Don't take it personally,

I see all these girls coming on to him. I think he might be gay.

We have found a spacious, rent-free hall.

You mean you're moving into the community centre?

We're going to be flatmates.

I'm your new probation worker.

You cross me and I will...

fuck you like you have never been fucked before.

Who are you?

I'm Lola. I'm a trainee probation worker.

You're a trainee probation worker?!

Is that going to be a problem for you?

(KEYS JANGLE, METAL DOOR CLOSES)

Get your stuff. Time to go.

Where to?

Take me home.

Looks like rain.

Will you behave?

Honestly, it's shaping up to be a beautiful day, this.

It's full of wonder and endless possibility. Look at it.

it The city breathing

# The people churning

it The conversating

# The price is what?

It The conversating

# This place is heaven

# And if you see them... #

Are you sure you don't need it?

No. Take it. It's yours.

Look at you. All grown up.

I remember when you used to have nightmares.

You used to get into bed - my bed - and we'd snuggle up.

You were all...snuggly.

Was I?

Look, just because me and your dad aren't together any more...

You know I'm still here for you, right?

Sure.

Great. I think we're good to go.

OK.

So...that was fucking weird, eh?

What?

The thing with your step mum coming on to you.

What? She wasn't!

Mmm.

That? That's just how she is.

She's...she's very affectionate.

When she wants to fuck someone.

She used to have sex with me dad.

You know, there are bounds, whatever they are, and m...me

we - me and her-

I'm out of them and, well, so is she. Just out of bounds.

So if I'd have had sex with your dad, you wouldn't sleep with me?

Jesus.

Now I've got an image of you having sex with me dad.

Uh-huh.

Was it from behind?

It is now!

I fucked your mum.

I didn't.

So, new TV. Big moment. You could come over later and watch a DVD.

You live in the community centre.

I'm not going all the way home and coming back, again.

You could not go home and watch a DVD.

All right. Just as long as you're not one of those man-child wankers

who's obsessed with Star Wars.

It's Harry Potter with me.

You know what really intrigued me about the whole franchise?

At what point does it become OK to want to fuck Hermione?

Me'? I'm a Goblet Of Fire man.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

'Ey, don't forget to sign on. How do they expect us to survive

on single benefits when there's two of us?

I'm not sure the benefit system was designed for situations like ours.

Go and see Mum and Dad.

See if you can't guilt-trip them into giving you some money.

Steal if you have to.

Dad usually keeps a couple of quid under that...

crappy polar bear paperweight thing.

Look, I'm not your slave.

Go and get some crisps. Cheese and onion.

No, fuck it, let's go exotic - prawn cocktail.

Do you want to be Rudy One, or do you want to be Rudy Two?

I'll be...Rudy Too - spelled T, double O, because I am.

I get it. Will you... What's wrong with me toothbrush?

You don't have a toothbrush.

I'm sharing with Finn.

Does he know that?

Does he need to know that?

Look, you take care of your teeth and I'll take care of mine.

You really are a petty, selfish little man.

There's no crisps for you. Just fuck off.

Yeah.

Fuck it.

"I'll be Rudy Too - T, double O, because I am." You fucking...

What, did you forget something?

Is that a ukulele? What the bloody hell are you doing with that?

You know them things remind me of him.

Yeah, well, when you're locked in a prison cell 23 hours a day,

there's not much else to do than masturbate and play ukulele.

What?

No hug?

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

I feel the least you owe me is an apology for getting me sent down.

I don't know what you're talking about, mate.

You two sent me out to get us some Curly Wurlys.

The police just so happened to know exactly where I'd be.

You're a fucking psychopath. You're a liability, mate.

You nearly battered that guy half to death.

I taught him a valuable lesson.

You bit his frigging ear off.

Well, he should've listened to me.

What's the point in having ears if you're not gonna use 'em?

Yeah, what about his nose?

His nose was just for the comedy.

I've got a present for you.

Have you?

I believe this is yours.

Ah, you're all right. I've gone off them.

They're...they're very sugary. You know...

Take it.

- Take it. - I don't want to.

Take the fucking candy bar, take it! Take it, take it.

Fuck it.

What do you say?

Thank you.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

Please, please...

Bye-bye.

Oh, you handsome bastard.

Hello.

Was there something you wanted?

I like watching other people work.

You can take over if you like.

Nah, I'm good, thanks.

Now scrub the fucking wall.

Are you allowed to talk to us like that?

Are you going to report me?

Scrub it.

Fuck you.

- Is this some kind of power trip to you? - Now he's getting it.

You know, maybe I came down here last night

and graffitied all over the walls just so I could watch you scrub it off.

Yeah. Right.

Sure you did.

You intrigue me.

Just to restate the obvious, me and you is never going to happen.

From what I can see, it isn't going to happen with anyone.

When was the last time you even got laid?

Fuck off.

Has it been a while?

What are we talking, like, a couple of months? Six?

A Year?

How do you know it still works?

One thing's for certain, you'll never find out.

What happened?

Did someone hurt you?

You don't know anything about me, so don't act like you do.

You act all tough and sassy.

That's an act.

I see right through you.

Take your hand off me.

Or what?

We're just talking.

You stay the fuck away from me.

I can't, I can't do that now. I'm drawn to you.

You're special.

I enjoyed our little chat.

To be continued, yeah?

You're acting again.

We forgot the remote control for the TV. There's no remote.

And to a guy, that's like losing a testicle.

It's like losing three testicles. We need to go round to Lisa's to get it.

And by "we", I mean you need to drive me round there.

And there's no way you can just get up and walk over to the TV

when you need to change channels?

Is that a joke? This isn't the '70s.

OK. Whatever.

Are you OK?

This whole thing with inviting me over to watch a DVD.

It's cos you want to get in my knickers, right?

Is that a trick question?

I just want you to be straight with me.

It's not a deal breaker.

It's not like I need to be fingering a girl to enjoy a movie,

you know, far from it.

I mean, if we're going there, I'll settle for a kiss,

maybe a feel of your tits.

Are we haggling? I feel like I'm in a Moroccan souk.

Go and get the remote control.

Right.

I forgot the remote control.

Were you checking me out?

What? No.

Who? I-l was...

The remote control. Thank God.