Misfits

How do you smell so nice?

Right. I'm not being funny. You're, like, proper strange.

It's cos I don't know who I am.

No, I lost my memory in that weird freak storm.

I've tried to find out who I am but no-one's looking for me.

I'm Laura.

I'm Abby.

Is that what I think it is?

Sorry.

It's a support group. It's for people with powers

and I just think we should go.

Hi.

My name's Sam.

I can fly.

Oh, hello!

That's Abby's locker.

Does this explain why that dewy-eyed my-little-fuckwit

isn't turning up for her community service?

She likes to rave, does she?

She off her face in a field somewhere,

dancing with the little bunny rabbits?

Aceeed! A-a-a-aceeed!

Aceeed! A-a...

It's sherbet.

Think of her as your child.

This precious little life,

those eyes... staring up at you.

So full of love.

Her mouth... puckered around your teat.

I'm holding each and every one of you personally responsible for her.

So when was the last time anyone actually saw Abby?

A couple of days ago I saw her leaving the bar with some girl.

And no-one's seen her since?

This other girl - d'you know her?

I think I know which block she lives in.

What's the plan?

Well, we ring the doorbell

and when she answers the door,

we ask her if she knows where Abby is.

That could work.

Morning.

Who the fuck are you?

Everyone, this is Laura. Laura, this is everyone.

Hi. Hello!

Hi, Laura. You all right?

All this time, I've been searching for something - a connection.

All those random guys... and cocks

and all they did was make me feel even more empty inside.

With Laura, it's different. She makes me feel complete.

So that's the big mystery solved, then. You're a lesbian.

Hi, I'm Abby, and I'm a lesbian.

Well done!

Whoa!

Are you and the big guy...

You still involved?

Romantically?

No. We never were.

NEVER were.

You shouldn't give yourself up so easily.

OK!

Er...

What do you say?

Thank you.

Shit!

Who's he?

Boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.

Does he know about the ex-bit?

Everything's happened so fast. Where you been?

Hm? Why aren't you answering your phone?

Who's she? Hiya. I'm Abby the lesbian.

I'm her new girlfriend. You've been dumped.

What the fuck is going on? Since when were you a lesbian?

I'm not.

It's her.

I've never felt this way about a girl before.

I love you.

How weird is that? I love her.

You stupid bitch. You're scaring me.

What the fuck?

You hurt her and I'll fucking kill you!

Scary's here. He's under the bed.

Abby?

Are you all right?

You must think I'm a total psycho.

He was going to hurt you.

You were scared. I had to protect you.

You made me feel safe.

I liked it.

You make me feel safe.

Scary's coming for me.

Scary's coming for me.

Don't be scared. I won't let him hurt you, I promise.

Scary's coming.

Huh? What?

Scary's coming.

What? How d'you know about Scary?

I... I'm having these flashbacks.

There's this girl, and she's holding your cuddly toy monkey.

I think it's you.

Who's Scary?

When I was a little girl, that's the name that I gave to the Bogeyman.

There's another little girl.

If I'm remembering it,

it must be me, right?

We must have been friends when we were little.

There's only one other person who knows about Scary.

Yeah, it's me. I'm her.

You can't be.

She didn't exist.

She was my imaginary friend.

What was her name?

It was Abby, wasn't it?

What the fuck is going on?

Were you in that... weird, freaky, mysterious storm?

Um...

I thought I was a lesbian with acute memory loss,

but I think I might be your imaginary friend brought to life.

Mmm.

You should probably stop going down on me.

Yeah, yeah, right.

I found out who I am. Guess what.

I'm imaginary.

What?

So you find out she's imaginary and you squeeze her breast?

Look, it just seemed like the only logical thing to do

given the circumstances.

I'm a creature of instinct, aren't I?

What? So if in doubt, squeeze breast. Abby is confused and upset.

And what's Jess supposed to think?

Dude, you're touching up girls right in front of her.

Shut up! Why would I...? Why would I care what Jess thinks?

Cos I fucking... I don't.

I do not care, not even a little bit, so just... shush!

Why can't you just admit you like her?

For the love of God,

can a ridiculously handsome man not do anything in peace? Eh?

You've discovered my little secret.

Sit.

I won't ask you again.

Such a beautiful instrument.

Elton John seems to like 'em.

The pianos. He likes the pianos, doesn't he?

So do I.

Closer.

Relax!

Loosen your wrist.

It's loose. It's loose.

Sing.

Sing.

Beautiful.

I have to... I have to...

I have to go. I have...

I have herpes.

Shit! I've said it. It's out there.

So I'm gonna... I really should go just to take my medication.

Hiya.

If you've come to feel my tit, I'm not really in the mood.

No, no, no, it's not... I'm... I'm the other one. I'm Rudy 2.

Look...

It's just that I remember when I was first created,

you know, you have all these questions spinning round your head.

You know, what's my place in the world? Am I a person in my own right?

Will I ever find... true love, sort of thing?

And what did you do?

Rudy 1 told me to stop being such a vagina.

Only he didn't say "vagina".

I bottled everything up...

and I thought I could fix it with...

anxiety medication and sleeping pills and stuff.

But then we found somewhere I could go and...

It's like a support group, you know, for people like us, me and you.

People with powers, you know.

And nobody judges you. We all just sit and listen, so...

You can't tell Rudy 1 where I am - he thinks I'm doing the laundry.

I do the service wash.

But you should come.

Or definitely think about it, you know.

You're nice.

Uh-oh!

What's up with you?

I think the probation worker fancies me.

Oh, for God's sake, Finn, you monkey-faced prick, does he heck!

I'm serious. I... I think he's in love with me.

You should see the way he looks at me with his...

with his hungry eyes.

Was he looking at you like this?

Cos this is me thinking that you're a little twat.

Am I?

Well, he gave me a finger of his KitKat. Oh, dear God!

Just snapped it off.

Finn, it's the oldest trick in the book, you douche.

You don't underst...

Come on. Really?

You just... You take the finger of the KitKat, you insert it up your anus,

you give it to the unsuspecting victim, that's good times.

It was a more innocent time, I'll have you know,

when children were allowed to be bloody children. Thank you very much, judgy.

I smelt it. And either the probation worker's arse smells of chocolate, or...

it hadn't been anywhere near his arse.

So what did you do with it?