My Giant

My mother always said, "Follow your dreams

and you'll always be happy."

My father always said,

"Don't listen to your mother. She's not a well woman."

But she was right.

And these dreams have brought me

On this particular day

To the beautiful country of Romania.

Dad doesn't approve of what I do,

So when I told him I was going to Romania on business,

he said, "I went to Romania once. I hated it."

I said, "Dad, that was world war II.

There were Nazis shooting at you."

He said, "Yeah, but you get a feel."

But it's beautiful here.

It's got valleys and castles,

Way too much cheese

and towns whose names roll off your tongue like poetry.

OK, so it's a little off Broadway,

but it's where I got to be.

Blimchuck. I have to find Blimchuck.

Idea? No?

Blim--blim--where movie--we're making--

See, I made a--I came here through Flukshoon,

And then I had to make a left by Peel

to get to blim-Blimchuck?

No?

Does it look like I don't know where I'm going?

Well, I do. Just not how to get there.

Which is the story of my life, actually.

And the reason why My wife and I are separated.

Am I getting ahead of myself?

Yeah, I do that.

Blimchuck?

Blim--do you know where Blimchuck is?

That was... smart.

So, why am I here?

What do I do?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

It's called by several names.

Animal names, actually.

Some say leech. Some say vulture.

Some even say scum-sucking pig.

No, I'm not a lawyer.

I'm an agent.

Yeah. Ever since I was a kid, give me 5 minutes,

I could talk anybody into doing anything.

Jesus Christ.

You're absolutely right, Samuel.

This is delicious.

And I've been missing it all these years.

So, about my bar mitzvah.

Anything you say.

And that's what it takes to handle talent.

The power of persuasion.

When you're dealing with a sensitive artist,

you have to inspire trust.

Cut the crap!

Jay, I told you. I know I told you.

You told me it was a club date.

It is a club date.

It's a club and it's a date.

It's just booked for a special occasion.

It's a wedding!

In the daytime.

Jay and the Americans doing a wedding!

We're following a limbo contest!

Listen to me. Listen to me.

My biggest thrill is discovering someone special

And taking them as far as they can go,

Like my new singer, who, trust me,

Is going to be the next Whitney Houston.

Nissan is the car

That you love

To drive

That you love

To drive

All right, so the auto show isn't exactly Carnegie hall,

But if you want to make it in show business,

You gotta pay your dues.

You can't do that.

That's the third time in the last couple of months

That you've tried to cancel my credit card.

Come on, I'm leaving

on a very important business trip to Europe

and I need that credit card.

My secretary sent that cheque 2 weeks ago.

She did--

Carol, you sent that check, didn't you?

Shit, yeah.

See that? 2 weeks ago.

The fact that it wasn't easy to get here

Makes it that much sweeter.

All the sacrifice and the time away from home

And when they put my star

On the Hollywood Walk of Fame,

I'm going to thank my son, who never lost faith in me.

Nick, don't look at me that way.

I've got everything riding on this.

It's my actor in a big movie.

Then I'm gonna take him down to the Cannes film festival,

And all the big boys are gonna be there.

Schwarzenegger, Van Damme,

Stallone, you know?

Seagal-- Steven Seagal?

Yeah. You like him?

He's really scary. I mean, in real life.

How do you know that?

I saw it on Entertainment Tonight.

That's all TV garbage. They make that stuff up.

Wow, so, do you think you can sign him?

I'm a little hot right now with Justin,

so you never know.

So my dad could be Steven Seagal's agent?

Yeah.

And why not?

Because anything's possible now.

It's just what I was telling my wife Serena

before I left.

This is a big client in a big movie.

It's the beginning of a roll for me.

Nothing ever changes anything, Sam.

We have been separated a year.

It's still your work, your work, your work.

Nicky understands that.

Yeah, meanwhile I'm the one

Who goes to father-and-son night.

You know, his science project melts

before you ever see it.

Look, look, he's reading Variety,

so he's got something to talk to you about

when you call.

Serena... come on.

I love him and he knows that.

Sam, people know you love them

when you put their needs ahead of your own.

So, we talked it over

and like 2 rational people, we came up with a solution.

Sam, I'm moving to Chicago.

What?

I'm sorry.

It's about Nicky.

You know, he needs more family support

and my folks can really help with that.

We'll move in with them.

And he's not doing so well in school.

They have this great tutorial programme back there...

Or let's just talk about the fact

I--I can't get an acting job in New York anymore, so...

I'm gonna teach drama at my old high school.

I'm sorry. I really need to do this.

So, that's my life

and the reason I'm in Romania--

Broke, separated

and plugged up with cheese.

I discovered an actor who's gonna turn it all around.

His name is Justin Allen,

my first client in a movie,

and the rest, my friends, is soon to be legend.

This is so exciting.

What is?

To be here.

Big movie.

Oh, yeah.

And I hear that Justin's doing good.

Good? Great! Really?

Oh, the camera loves him.

I'm telling you, they applauded the dailies.

I've never seen anything like it.

Partlow!

Is there a problem, sir?

No. I'm screaming for my health.

Have you read the script for this movie recently?

The description of the villain?

Well, I--

It says, right in the stage directions.

It says--Stephanie?

Stephanie!

It says, "And there on the hill...

"stands the dreaded barbarian army

"led by a villain so ferocious

"that the entire Christian army turns

"and runs... save one boy,

"whose heroism can be measured

By the enormity of the foe he faces."

That was very good.

So, what the hell is this?

"A villain so fierce he makes an entire army

turn and run"?

Partlow... what were you thinking?

Be scary.

Stephanie, get them out of here.

He gave a great audition, Larry.

It's not like we didn't try.

We saw at least 100 guys--

Then see 500, OK? See 10,000.

See every guy in this godforsaken country,

'cause if this scene doesn't work,

then you don't work ever...

in this town again.