One Tree Hill

What's a love child?

Did I not ask you to look

into the Nathan Scott situation to find out if there was a story?

Right now, it's nothing but a rumor in some low-rent tabloid.

That's not fair, and it's not what I do.

Yeah, just keep walking, McFadden.

You're off the air!

Where is Makenna?

Millie can handle it.

She can take Makenna's place.

There's an after after party

that nobody's invited to except us.

You're going.

Say "yes."

Yes. Yes!

I wouldn't mind meeting with the writer. I got a few ideas.

I wrote it.

If you're serious about this, I'd be willing

to work with you on it, but only if you're committed.

I would love to commit to you, Julian.

I'm sorry, David.

I think we should get a divorce.

Where to?

Your place.

Just drive.

What are you doing here? He doesn't love you.

You don't know what you're talking about, sweetie.

He told me while we were making love.

Maybe I am a slut,

but that's what Nathan liked about me.

He had me do all kinds of things to him

that he said you would never...

that's the only hit to come

out of rock star Haley james Scott

in five years.

Let's see that again!

He had me do all kinds of things to him that he said you would never...

Well, I suppose there's worse things

than hitting a pregnant woman.

Yeah? Like what?

Let's see that again!

Just give me a second.

...that he said you would never.

Mm.

Good slap, though.

Thank God Jamie and Quinn aren't awake to see this.

It's okay.

It's a long walk of shame from here to Nate's.

You might want to eat something first.

Yeah, I was just gonna grab a cab of shame,

so, I'm good, but thank you.

You know, I can drive you.

You know, it's cheaper than a cab of shame

and comes with a free meal.

It's more the driver that I'm worried about, so...

Did I mention I made breakfast burritos?

I do like breakfast burritos.

Mm-hmm.

I make a mean breakfast burrito.

Have you seen Alex's script? I'm working with her today.

Ohh. Sorry.

Good morning, Brooke Davis.

You get sexier and younger every day.

Well, good morning, babe. You're so sweet.

So, have you seen her script?

You certainly do know how to hit the off switch.

Sorry, babe, but you know I'm working with her today.

Yeah. I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

I don't trust her around men.

She's like one of those herpes from mythology.

You mean "harpies"?

No, actually, I don't.

Her underwear should be a welcome mat,

and I've seen the way she looks at you.

Can't you find a better script, written by an uglier person?

Trust me, I'm not interested in the writer.

I'm interested in the story.

As long as it doesn't become the story

you and Alex tell your kids someday

when they ask how you met.

Hey.

The only kids I'll be telling stories to...

will be ours.

That's a good answer.

Have a good day.

Have a good night?

Marvin. You scared me.

Well, then, I guess we're even, then. Where have you been?

It was such a crazy night.

One of the models passed out,

so Brooke let me go up in her place.

You modeled?

Yeah. Can you believe it?

And then Alex wanted to celebrate,

so we went out for a few drinks,

and I guess I just lost track of time.

Weren't you tipped off when the sun came up?

You never even called.

I know, and I'm really sorry,

but can we talk about it at lunch?

I'm late for work.

I really am sorry.

I'm not seeing the licorice whips.

Oh, I must have forgotten to order more.

I... I'm sorry, Mr. Scott.

Hey. I forgive you.

"Nathan Scott: a basketball star's love child."

Like father, like son, huh?

So, I guess, since you're playing video games,

you've already brushed your teeth, huh?

You know it.

If you're lying,

the tooth police will come and take your teeth away.

That's right, and then everyone's

gonna call you "gummy Scott."

Right.

I'll get it.

I'll brush! I'll brush!

Haley Scott?

You're under arrest for assault and battery.

Please turn around. Excuse me?!

Put your hands behind your back.

You're not arresting my wife.

You need to step away, sir.

Are you serious?

...in the court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

Oh, you guys are real heroes, aren't you?

Mom!

It's okay, baby. Go inside. I'll be home later.

Haley, we're right behind you. Okay? Don't worry.

I bet you charge a lot for that innocent-mommy look, huh?

What?

Hey, I know you.

My husband showed me your clip on the internet last night,

then he got an I.M. from some dirty skank,

so I smashed him over the head with a keyboard.

She was on the internet? What did she do?

Bitch-slapped some pregnant chick.

That is cold.

You know, this has been quite the bonus for spending the night.

So, what kind of feast would you make me

if I spent the whole weekend?

Probably something to go.

So, did you learn to cook just to impress women?

Something like that.

Does your phone ever stop buzzing?

Because I only have one thing that vibrates that much.

They're all business calls.

Oh, really? Okay. All business calls. Let's see.

Hmm. Katie, Alex, Faith.

Ooh, Melissa, Kylie.

So, you're a pimp?

Mm.

Let's see who your last five calls are.

David, David...

David, David.

David.

Sorry.

Make you a deal.

I'll turn off mine if you turn off yours.

Deal.

This is Clay. Leave a message.

Clay, where the hell are you? Haley's been arrested!

Call me back!

Aunt Quinn isn't in her room,

and she made her bed just like mom makes it.

It doesn't even look like she slept in there.

So, after you read me the numbers,

I write them down in this book.

Got it?

Actually, I came up with the whole logging system

when I first started.

They, uh, they used to call it the Marvin method.

We call it logging tapes.

So, did, uh, Harvey explain the job to you?

I believe he came up with the logging method himself.

Now, of course, you could be a real reporter again

if you just read the stories we give you.

I am a real reporter. That's why I don't report gossip.

Fine.

Well, just keep logging it instead.

I'm so sorry I'm late! Please don't kill me!

Okay! Please don't have sex with me, either.

You are not gonna believe this!

You were a huge hit last night!

Huge!

They think I look ordinary.

No, they think you're amazing...

"beautiful, sexy, smokin' hot."

This person thinks I look like a turd sandwich!

Okay. You can't focus on one negative comment.

This person agrees! Well, then, listen to me!

I think you're gorgeous!

You don't think I look like

"a frumpy whore on bingo night"?

No!

If I did, would I ask you to model full time?

We want to do a whole line based on "zero is not a size."

I mentioned the idea to Victoria,