Doctor Who

- HORSE WHINNIES - Whoa!

- Stand and deliver! - Do as he says. I've heard of this brigand.

He's known as the Knightmare!

Faster than Sam Swift the Quick, deadlier than Deadly Dupont.

Dabbling lowpads the pair of 'em, with terrible pseudonyms to boot.

- Cash bags, jewels, the lot. - I will not be robbed

by some lone, ranting cavalier!

Who says I am alone?

WOMAN GASPS

- GROWLING - SHE SCREAMS

- Right. - BEEPING

- Warm. - BEEPING INTENSIFIES

Warmer.

We are cursed. The Knightmare is in league with the devil.

Aye, Satan's sidekick, me.

- Where's the rest? - What else would you take from me, sir?

You know what I want. Hand over the amulet.

- Hello. - Wah! - Oh, don't mind me, don't mind me.

I'm only going to be a minute. Don't worry. Oh, very warm.

- What are you doing? - Oh, just ignore me, I'm just passing through, like fish in the night.

- This is a robbery! - It's not fish in the night, it's something else. - This is my robbery.

No, ships in the night. Yeah, something like that.

Step aside or I shall blow your brains out.

Sorry, were you talking to me there?

Try again, I promise I'll listen this time.

You have interrupted my robbery, sir,

and you will step away, if you wish to take another breath.

- You're going to get us all killed, if you don't shut your mouth. - Sorry.

Sorry, I really was planning to listen that time but, basically, I didn't.

Usually, someone hits me at this point,

but she's taking the Year 7s for taekwondo.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! - BEEPING INTENSIFIES

Yes! Got you!

Oh, hang on. If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a robbery.

I am robbing these people, you are getting out of my way.

- I just need one tiny little thing from this box. - This is my robbery!

Well, can't we share it? Isn't that what robbery's all about?

- Yargh! - Oh, no! No, no, no!

- You bungled my heist. - No, you bungled mine, Zorro!

- Whey-faced fool! - Yeah, well, why don't you show your face?

At least I show my face, what's wrong with yours?

Nothing, Doctor.

- You?! - Yes, it is me.

What took you so long, old man?

- "Old man?" - It seemed apt.

Life expectancy is 35 these days.

- Well, for everyone else. - But didn't you know it was me?

Of course, you don't forget the man who saved your life.

- It's good to see you. - Yes, I didn't get that impression

when you were threatening to kill me.

The Knightmare has a reputation to maintain.

- It's a very good voice. How do you do that? - Practice.

Last time I saw you, you were founding a leper colony.

I was so proud of you.

Proud of me? You weren't even there.

Yes, I was.

You didn't see me, but I saw you.

- And you just left me there? - Well, you seemed... fine.

In a leper colony?

No matter... you're here now.

- We should celebrate. - Oh, no, this isn't a visit, I've got a job to do.

I'm here looking for an alien object

which has no business being here on Earth in 1651.

It was just... It just so happened, you know, that my tracking device,

it led me to the carriage that you were, you know, robbing.

- There wasn't... I didn't... It was... - You mean,

- you haven't come for me? - No. It was just a coincidence.

CHURCH BELL CHIMES

Oh, Ashildr, I'm sorry.

Who's Ashildr?

You are, that's your name.

Ashildr, daughter of Einarr.

Chuckles. I used to call him Chuckles. Do you remember?

Yes.

- I think I remember the village. - You loved that village.

If you say so.

Anyone in that village would have died for you.

Well, they're all dead now, and here I am.

So, I guess it all worked out.

- Ashildr... - That's not my name.

I don't even remember that name.

Well, what... what do you call yourself?

- Me. - Yes, you, there's nobody else here.

No... I call myself Me.

All the other names I chose died with whoever knew me.

Me is who I am now. No-one's mother, daughter, wife.

My own companion.

Singular. Unattached.

Alone.

Anyway, I should get started.

Jump on, I'll give you a ride. You can help me.

- With what? - Packing.

- HORSE WHINNIES - Come on.

It's a big place for someone who lives on their own.

I have a servant.

And all manner of visitors drop in.

GROWLING

GROWLING

Your device...

what is it?

My curioscanner?

Oh, it, er, it sort of scans for...

It scans for curios. I've just realising how it got its name.

It's been tracking exoplanetary energy for the last couple of weeks.

I've been following it across the galaxy.

And do you know what you're looking for?

I've got a pretty good idea, yes. Why?

I wasn't just robbing Lucie Fanshawe for her loot.

She's bragged about having the rarest gem in the land,

an ancient amulet from foreign parts.

Could it be we are looking for the same prize?

Clearly, you don't need money. So why do you rob?

For the adventure, Doctor.

Isn't that what life's all about?

I've had 800 years of adventure,

enough to fill a library if you write it down.

A medieval queen? How exciting.

You'd think. It was paperwork and backgammon mainly, as I recall.

Ended up faking my own death.

Did a bunk before the evisceration.

Now this... was much more my thing.

The Battle of Agincourt.

My first stint as a man.

No-one will ever know that a mere woman helped end the Hundred Years' War.

You're immortal, not indestructible. You can be hurt, killed even.

10,000 hours is all it takes to master any skill.

Over 100,000 hours and you're the best there's ever been.

I don't need to be indestructible, I'm superb.

You should have seen me.

I could shoot six arrows a minute.

I got so close to the enemy, I penetrated armour.

- How many people have you killed? - You'll have to check my diaries.

- You can't remember? - For what it's worth,

I've saved many lives too.

- CROWD CHANT - I cured an entire village of scarlet fever once,

almost got drowned as a witch for my troubles

Fortunately, I'm really good at holding my breath.

Ungrateful peasants.

The Black Death, 1348.

I meant to warn you.

I got sick but I got better.

Of course, your immune system is learning too.

There's another bout coming.

- And a big fire that tears through London. - Excellent.

- Maybe I start it. - No, that was the Terileptils.

Surgeon, scientist, inventor, composer, it's a fantastic CV.

You should try my journals. I read them myself now and then.

Drink pomace wine, have a little "me" time.

You don't seem the nostalgic type.

It's not nostalgia, it's curiosity.

I can't remember most of it.

That's the trouble with an infinite life and a normal sized memory.

It can't have been easy,

outliving the people you love.

According to my journals... hell.

Sorry.

You'll have to remind me,

what's sorrow like?

It all just runs out, Doctor.

I'm just what's left.

In fact, I've done all I can here.

I look up to the sky and wonder what it's like out there.

Please, take me with you.

All these people here, they're like smoke,

they blow away in a moment.

- You don't know what it's like. - I do know what it's like.

Then, however you fly, whatever ship you sail in, take me with you.

How do you know I had a ship?

Because I'm incredibly clever.

It doesn't matter... take me with you.

We'll talk about it.

- This thing you're looking for, I'll help you find it. It'll be quicker. - I don't need your help.

Yes, you do. I know where Lucie Fanshawe lives,

and I'm an excellent house-breaker.

We'll leave in an hour.

"Today is the day I should have died.

"Instead, I was re-born, by my hero, a man called The Doctor.

"My love is dying.

"It broke my heart when the questions started and I knew I had to leave him.

"I returned to find an old man who smiles and thinks I am a dream.

"I am flesh and blood, my love, but all you see is a ghost."

"Tears."

"The Plague.

- "Mass graves." - WOMAN SOBS

"Sightless children..."

".. clutching toys as they sleep, never to wake up.

"My children.

"My screams.

"I could not save you... little ones.

"Such pain.

"And yet, still... still I am not brave enough to die,

"to let go of this... wretched life.

"I will endure...

- "but no more babies." - SHE SOBS

"I cannot...

"will not suffer such heartbreak again."

"From now on, it's me against the world."

- GROWLING - Quiet, my friend.

We have a visitor.

I didn't get it, but I will.