Cosh Boy

Not tonight he won't!

Not if I can help it!

- (SINGING CONTINUES) - Help!

Help! Help!

Do you think she'd know me again if she...

I had to hit her, Walshy, she wouldn't leave go.

- I don't like it none, Walshy. - Ah, shut up!

Give me that bag.

How much is there?

Twenty-five bob. We'll go fifty-fifty.

Here you are, fifteen bob for me, ten bob for you.

Oh, thanks a lot, Walshy.

Cor, she didn't half scream, didn't she?

Gah, silly old cow!

That copper must've been just round by the pub.

So what?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Here...

you take this, I don't want it.

Alright, alright, what are you scared about?

I ain't scared, only...

I wish you'd do the coshing sometimes, Walshy.

Now, listen.

I do the planning and you do the coshing and we go fifty-fifty.

That's fair, innit?

- Yeah, sure, Walshy. - Alright then.

Now, shut up!

OK.

And remember, if your mum asks, we stayed to see the big picture round again.

OK.

Cor, you got it all sewn up, ain't you, Walshy?

I know the game.

I'll bet them coppers ain't half in a state, eh?

Coppers! Bit of brain, that's all you need.

Fool the coppers any day.

Come on.

Now, just a minute you two. Where have you boys come from?

Been to the pictures. Any objection?

Do you recognise them, constable?

I wouldn't swear to it, sir, but I'm fairly certain.

What time did you leave the cinema?

I dunno, what time was it, Walshy?

About ten minutes ago.

Now we're off home.

- Come on, Alfie. - Oh, no you don't.

- Let go of me you dirty, rotten... - Hey, what's this?

Alright, put them in the car.

But my mum says I gotta be home by ten.

No. No, let go of me.

I ain't done nothing wrong.

- Now, come on, that's enough of that. - Let go!

You realise, don't you, Mrs Walsh, just how serious this matter is?

Happily the victim of the assault was not gravely injured.

But that was more by fortune than design.

Well, what have you to say to me?

Only that...

the inspector says that Roy's mixed up in it.

Uh... Mrs Walsh...

I can't hear a word you're saying.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm not used to...

I've never been...

I suppose you, uh...

really want to tell me that your son is a good boy?

Oh, yes, sir.

He would never have done a thing like this, not by himself.

I just know he wouldn't.

You heard what Mr Wimbush said about him?

Oh, yes. His employer gives him a good character.

His mother stands up for him, he's not known to the police.

A good boy, in fact...

until now. Is that it?

Oh, yes, sir.

And who do you suggest has led him astray?

Collins?

Is he the ring leader?

I don't know, sir.

I don't want to...

Mm... according to Mrs Collins, her boy has been led astray, too.

I never meant you to think, sir, that I was...

Quite so, Mrs Collins, you weren't trying to throw the blame on Walsh, were you?

Oh, no, sir. I'd never do a thing like that.

I'm quite sure you wouldn't.

Very well.

Have you anything to say, Collins?

It's all been a terrible mistake.

Hm...

And you, Walsh?

All I can say is sir, that...

I'm very, very sorry and it'll never happen again.

Very well.

Is Mr Easter in court?

Yes, sir.

These two boys are first offenders, it appears.

At least, it's the first time they've been found out.

I've no doubts in my mind that one of them is the ring leader

and deserves more serious punishment.

And I have my own ideas as to which of them it is.

But failing more definite evidence,

I must give them both the benefit of the doubt.

Are you willing to be put on probation, Collins?

Yes, sir.

- You, Walsh? - Yes, sir.

Very well, I shall put them on probation to you for one year, Mr Easter.

Very well, sir.

Next case.

It was nice of you to speak up for Roy, Mr Wimbush.

- That's alright. - Huh!

I'm glad Alfie got off, too.

No thanks to you!

- I didn't say anything that would... - No, no, you didn't say anything!

"No, my Roy wouldn't hurt a fly!"

"Somebody must have put him up to it."

"My Roy's a little angel", like hell, he is!

- Now half a minute, half a minute... - You shut your gob!

A fine pair you two are!

- Your kid goes around bashing old women. - That's not true!

Oh, isn't it? Well, go back and ask the beak who he thought done it.

- You go and ask him! - I don't need to.

- I'm quite sure that Roy... - Don't say it, don't say it!

Now, now, Mrs Collins, that'll do.

Off you go now, take Alfie home.

I've had a talk with him and Roy,

and I think they understand what's expected of them. I hope so, anyway.

I can look after Alfie, I don't need your help.

Then the sooner you start, the better.

Thank you for nothing, come on Alfie.

- Get along home. - Goodbye, Alfie.

What about Roy?

He's coming back to the garage with me.

Really? That's splendid.

I've told him and Collins that I'm hoping to arrange for them both

to join the local youth centre.

Give them somewhere to go in the evenings.

I'm sure Roy would like that.

Well, it's worth trying, anyway.

Go along, Roy.

Yes, sir.

- Goodbye, Mum. - Goodbye, dear.

And thanks for sticking up for me in there.

It won't happen again, I promise you.

OK, son?

And thank you, Mr Wimbush.

Come on then.

Well, I shall be coming so see Roy, of course, from time to time.

You'll be very welcome, sir.

But you must do your part, Mrs Walsh.

Don't be too easy with him. Keep a firm hand, he needs it.

- I'll try, sir. - Good.

You're off to work now, are you?

I'm at the Moderna Café, I... I said I'd be there in time for the lunches.

Yes, well, goodbye then.

Goodbye.

And thank you.

Come on, son! - Atta boy, Darkey.

- That'll do it, hold him down! - Oh, just, just...

Skin, don't let him get ya!

OK, now go on, dig him!

- Go on, give him another one. - Hello, Walshy.

- Hello, Walshy. - Hello.

Yeah, Alfie's just been telling us.

Mucked up things proper, innit?

A year! God!

Three times a week at the youth centre, eh, Walshy?

Knitting bed socks for Auntie?

Here, watch out old Easter don't cop ya.

You gotta be a good boy now, you know.

- Yeah, that's what he thinks. - My mum reckons...

- he's worse than the coppers... - You shut up about your mum.

- If she'd kept her mouth shut we might... - What about yours...

- who told the beak you was... - Well, shut up about both of 'em.

Who's the boss around here, anyway?

Well, it's gonna be difficult for you, Walshy.

Now, listen.

I'm running this gang.

I always was and I'm always gonna.

And anyone who doesn't like it that way

- will get this round their kisser, see? - Alright, Walshy, keep your hair on!

Yeah, but we can't do no jobs, can we?

- What about old Easter? - Think I can't fool that old coot?

I had even Wimbush and the old woman all sobbing their hearts out this morning.

Cor, wish I could have done that with my mum!

- Why, what did she do? - Ah, just gave me a sock on the jaw

- and went off to the local. - (LADS CHUCKLE)

What to do, Walshy? What are you gonna do?

We don't do nothing. Not for a couple of months.

By that time, you'll all be coming to the youth centre.

- Eh? - What, us?

Why, Walshy?

Alibis, that's why.

We'll do the jobs from there and alibi each other.

I got it all worked out.

Here, copper coming.

OK, split up.

- I'm off home. - Cheerio, Walshy.

Oh, Gran, you'll ruin your eyes.

Roy's late.

I hope he's alright.

Course he's alright, don't fuss, girl.

Mr Wimbush was so kind to him this morning, but...