GCB

"And Adam said, 'this is now bone of my bones,

"flesh of my flesh.

"She shall be called woman

because she was taken out of man.'"

since you share my bone,

does that mean you're as amazing as me?

That's an awfully personal question

for someone I've only been dating for a few weeks.

Oh, really?

Way more amazing. Ah!

"...and were not ashamed."

This ends the reading of the holy word.

Now announcements.

Speaking of ribs...

As you all know, this is the week

of the annual Dallas interfaith barbecue invitational.

Five Dallas churches and one synagogue

will enter teams,

with all proceeds going to charity.

Now I would like to encourage all able-bodied men

to join our team, "braise the lord."

Uh, our first meeting will be in the narthex

after coffee hour.

And for all y'all who stick around,

our very own Sharon Peacham has graciously agreed

to provide thematically appropriate snacks.

Hope y'all enjoy!

All I know is that it was weird.

Ladies!

What better way to show our braise the lord team spirit

than with some braise-inet swag?

We have to cheer our husbands on to victory.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Heather.

I only have enough foam fingers for the wives.

And I don't see a ring on yours yet.

I need a plus one to support a church charity?

Oh, Heather, darlin', of course you can support our team,

just not as one of us.

You'd be a fool to miss the barbecue competition.

It is full of successful men, and we all know

you're dying to get your meat hooks into a rich one.

I'm not that shallow.

Mm.

Heather, darlin', you let me know

when your marital status changes,

and I'd be more than happy to give you the finger.

Bye, sweetheart.

I'm so sorry, peanut. I can't do it.

Losin' it with Jesus is making me lose my mind.

I think I need to rent a kitchen to keep up with the demand. Mm.

I'm gonna be a no-show, too. Blake won't be smoking

any hot links with the boys this year.

That's gonna hurt the team.

Blake knows his way around a sausage.

Can't be helped.

After this month's ovulation window slammed shut,

we both decided we needed a little break

from the baby train. He's up at the ranch,

breaking a new stallion, and I am in search of a stud...

For Cleopatra's crown!

Oh, crick! You got her! Oh, you did it!

Congratulations. That's wonderful.

After I saw her win the preakness,

I just had to have her.

She's the most beautiful horse I have ever seen.

So you have any suitors?

I think careful genetic engineering is

a clever way to do things. Mm-hmm.

Sword of Caesar, the belmont winner, is my first choice.

I'm determined to get my hands on the best semen money can buy.

Sharon, honey, come here a minute.

Excuse me, ladies.

I want you to meet Brenda Bradley.

Brenda is a writer for the "hillside park gazette."

A pleasure.

I saw you selling your diet plan on "Texas excess,"

and we are dying to do a piece on losin' it with Jesus.

Perhaps a photo?

We've got 511 clients.

That means three Bible-based meals a day, six days a week,

and on the seventh day, we rest...

Unless I gotta go down to Mexico and supervise our "basketeria."

That's Mexican for "basket factory."

You want to talk now?

We'll shoot you in the sanctuary.

Oh. That's a great idea.

Actually, I think this will work better woman-to-woman.

We won't be long.

Hon, can you hold my purse?

Will, my boy, barbecue's a grand ol' Texas tradition.

Well, you oughta come over

and join our team, braise the lord.

We could use some new blood now that old burl here is retirin'.

Yeah, I left at the top of my game.

Seven consecutive wins.

Thanks. Not really my thing.

Oh, once you taste that brisket, cooked for 12 hours

until it has that perfect smoke ring and just falls apart...

it'll be your thing.

Sounds fun to me. Can I join?

Goodness, no, Laura.

That's sweet of you,

but our little competition here is a man's game. Yeah.

A man's game? Mm-hmm.

You must be kidding.

Have you ever heard of the WNBA, the LPGA, Danica Patrick?

Now there's no need to get political.

There's still plenty for girls to do.

Yeah, carnival games and such,

and, well, getting us drinks.

Uh, those grills are hot as hell.

Oh, ho, yeah! Keepin' us hydrated...

now that'll be a blast.

That's right.

Okay. Okay, everybody.

It's time to put your coffee and piggy pops down

and put your hands together for our very own

hillside park united memorial barbecue team,

braise the lord!

Get on up here.

Really? No one has any issue

with this boys-only weenie pull?

Okay.

You see, grilling meat is a male art form.

In the cowboy days, down on the range...

And it's so stupid.

I am just saying that it is a throwback,

it is sexist,

and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa. It's just a barbecue.

Don't get upset.

I don't get upset.

I just don't take "no" for an answer.

Please, dear, God, please give us victory

over shared remembrance church, trounce St. Abigail's...

Oh, this isn't good. And triumph over temple b'Nai Israel...

although there's no way

they can win a barbecue competition without pork.

In Jesus' name...

hold the "amen." Amanda.

I just thought I'd give you something more to pray for.

Um...

Hello, everybody.

I would like to announce the formation

of the first all-female team

to compete in the Dallas interfaith barbecue invitational

with me as their captain and Laura as my sous chef.

Really? Smokin'!

Amanda, I don't know what you're thinkin',

but we're burnin' charcoal here, not bras.

I'm thinking that we're just as entitled

to start a team as any man.

Oh, dear.

Carry on, Carlene.

And dear lord,

we'd also like to pray for Amanda.

Please give her grace in defeat.

Or victory.

Thy will be done. Amen!

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Whoo!

Ta-da! What is that?

That, my darlin', is your late granddaddy's old smoker.

Me, Howard stopper, and the rest of the church's men's team

won best brisket for hillside park seven times

with old blackie here.

And now the magic belongs to us.

We gotta change that name though.

Smells like... (Sniffs) Burnt pig.

Well, that's the smell of victory.

Son, we need to get to cowboys stadium.

Kickoff's in 20. So let's go.

Y'all have fun.

Mm. Mwah.

I was thinking...

Yes. We could make some of those tofu lime-spiced circles,

you know, that they serve at surf week in Santa Barbara?

Oh, and maybe some artichokes.

(Engine starts)

Oh. You're serious?

Honey, that's so sweet,

but we're in Texas.

Here, "barbecue" means meat.

And brisket's big. Don't take this the wrong way,

but did you even find anybody else to be on your team yet?

I hung a sign-up team in church, and I think the ladies were

hesitant to show their support in front of their husbands,

but I know that there's a little Gloria steinem in every woman.

A Gloria what?

Which is exactly why we're doing this.

So how about it, mama?

You wanna come aboard?

Three generations of stopper women stickin' it to the guys?

Back in my day, a feminist was

a woman who avoided the kitchen like the plague...

But I'd be honored.

Whoo! Whoo!