GCB

I don't get it.

This never happened to me before...

except for this mornin' and last night...

and lunchtime yesterday.

It's fine, Ripp. I'm not in the mood anyways.

I know you, Carlene. If you're awake, you're in the mood.

Heck, you're even in the mood if you're sound asleep.

Oh, don't beat yourself up.

What's wrong, sugar? Something on your mind?

Other than sweet...

sweet lovin'?

I gotta blow off some steam.

Ripp?

Have you got through

all of Bill Vaughn's financial records yet?

What about his wife Amanda's Boobylicious employee paperwork

and the bank statements I sent you?

Well, I'm getting tired of waitin',

and you don't wanna see this oil man blow.

Hey, kids! I'm home!

Movie and pizza in five! I got "terms of endearment"!

Family movie night is canceled.

No, we can't cancel. I got meat lover's!

Will! Laura!

They are out, socializing with people their own age,

which is what you need to be doing.

So we're going to the opera.

Opera's not people my own age. And why do I need to go out?

Now listen here, Amanda.

I have come to terms with your job.

I've even come to love jalapeño poppers.

But let me tell you something.

There is no way that you are gonna find Mr. Right

showing your pretties at Boobylicious.

You'll encounter much more suitable men at the opera.

Bill hasn't been dead a year. There's a period of respect.

But your husband was a criminal and an adulterer,

and down here in Texas, that means you can

get back in the saddle just a little sooner.

Jason! Beau! Come meet Amanda.

Hello. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Jason.

- Hi... Beau. - Jason.

- Hello. - Beau.

You'll be thrilled to know they're your age.

And Jason is in oil, and Beau is in oil.

What a surprise.

Well, I've got a new Valentino on your bed.

Go change, darling, and hurry up.

Curtain's at 8:00.

So sorry. I can't go to the opera with you, guys.

I'm so sorry. Uh, my husband died recently.

- Oh, no. That's awful. - It just doesn't feel appropriate.

It's "The Merry Widow"! It couldn't be more appropriate!

Have a wonderful time!

Talk fast. I'm on the reformer.

I need advice.

There's a woman who subscribes to my Bible blog.

She and her virile, devastatingly handsome husband

have lost their... intimacy.

Lately, he hasn't been able to rise to the occasion,

leaving her...

frustrated and very confused, trying to understand why.

Why? Why?!

Why are you asking me? From the way you talk,

Ripp knocks nickels out of you every ten minutes.

Well, that's exactly why I need advice.

I'm so used to total satisfaction,

I don't know what to do when it's not forthcoming.

Have you and Blake ever gone through something similar?

Can't say that we have.

Just Google "holy spirit" and "horny."

And check out the Bible bookstore.

Gotta go.

I gotta work on my neutral pelvis.

Oh, girl,

I hear ya.

You feel your hips getting stronger?

Watch this.

Um... I can't.

I got engaged.

Oh.

And how will this affect our, um...

workout schedule?

Well, I... (Chuckles)

I... I'm afraid this is gonna have to be our last session.

You know, if my fiancee ever found out, she'd freak.

But, you know, Kiki is so great.

You're gonna spend the rest of your life

with something named Kiki.

She just got a job managing Waco Workouts.

Yeah, we're relocatin'.

I mean, times are tough.

Opportunities like that, they don't come around too often.

I am parched.

Would you mind getting me an agave smoothie?

Yes, ma'am.

Find out where Lance and Kiki are registered.

Send them a fabulous wedding gift.

And there's a chain of fitness centers

called Waco Workouts.

Buy them, tear them down.

Any calls?

No more pilates? But you enjoyed it so much.

Are you giving up working out?

Oh, no, no. I'm going back to Tae Kwon Do.

I've already made an appointment with my former instructor.

I remember you really liked him.

Very big. Tall. Asian.

Oh, yes.

Victor Ho Chi really used to put me through the ringer.

You can't let your physical well-being

slip through those cracks.

Cracks, huh?

Did you figure out what advice to give to your horny blogger

whose husband couldn't get his flag to fly?

Yes.

Yes, thank you for your suggestion

of the religious bookstore.

It seems Bibles 'n stuff has

an extensive relationship section.

Oh, Zack once bought me a guide to spicy scripture there once.

He thought it was a cookbook.

Mm-hmm.

Speaking of Zack,

have you confronted him about his tonsil hockey with Amanda?

No.

I've decided to relax

and commit to being a dutiful wife,

and probably everything's just gonna blow over.

The only blowing will be courtesy of Amanda Vaughn...

unless you cut off her water.

- Afternoon, ladies! - Oh.

If you'll excuse me. Gotta put up my title.

I just love finding out

what the new sermon topic is.

The anticipation is so exciting!

Thank you, ladies, for your help with the landscape committee.

Well, after your homely on volunteerism,

the ladies and I decided to roll on up our sleeves

and drive Juan, Feliciano, and Jorge right on down here.

Awesome job, fellas!

As for the other men in your lives,

I'm looking forward to you and your husbands helping out

at Wednesday night's relationship fellowship.

It's the least we can do.

Can I count on your chili, Sharon?

3 alarm. Get ready to sweat!

I haven't been at Hillside Park United Memorial long,

but you gals are inspirational.

I consider your marriages to be

our congregation's best foot forward.

I'm living a lie.

Unlike you two, my marriage is a sham of deception and deceit.

"Love is patient"?

How am I supposed to be patient

when there's a blonde viper named Amanda

that has slithered into my matrimonial garden?

Sharon. Sharon!

Forget about the corinthians.

Let's go with Luke 10:19.

"I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions."

Scorpions. Right on.

You can have plenty of patience after you wreak your vengeance.

"Thy..."

Thou... I don't remember the exact verse,

but the Bible's just full of that kind of whup-ass.

Mm-hmm.

You ladies are right.

It's time I stomped on a snake.

One black-bottom booby bundled cake to go.

Okay, got the cake.

All that's left is one bottle of Navidad River Red.

According to my research, that's Andrew's favorite syrah.

Andrew Remington...

the Internet billionaire guy from high school?

Squillionaire, recently divorced, moving back to Dallas.

- And you're moving in on him? - No! It's not like that.

- Clearly! You're blushing! - Shut up!

No, we were just, um, lab partners in bio.

Oh, he was dorky back then but sweet.

- Mm. - He's really cute now. Look.

I'm showing him the Saddle Horn estate

as a reason to get together.

Chocolate and wine, the sunset...

who knows?

In no way do I want this to come off as needy...

please don't get a boyfriend and desert me!

Why? That was completely independent.

Totally self-assured.

It's just that, I wanna get out there, too,

and meet people and...

pull together some kind of social life.

Gigi thinks the opera is where it's at.

Gigi's insane.

Excuse me, please.

Well, well, well.

Look at who's here,

slingin' wings and... who knows what else.

What are y'all doing here?

Heather, this doesn't concern the unmarried.