Nothing

The following is a true story.

The people are actual people.

Their names are their actual names.

Everything has been thoroughly researched and verified.

Dave and Andrew are best friends.

They'd been best since they were 9 years old.

Andrew was an extremely nervous young man.

He was afraid of just about everything.

Dave was totally self-centred

and could never get things to go his way.

Neither of them were popular with other kids.

And it wasn't long before they realized

that their best chance of survival was sticking together.

Tragically, Andrew's anxieties grew worse

after his parents died.

Soon he became afraid to even leave his house.

Like everything else he attempted,

Dave's dream of becoming a rock star...

was met with unequivocal rejection.

Completely broke and with nowhere else to go,

Dave moved in with Andrew,

who was himself in desperate need of help.

With Dave there to provide the basic necessities for living,

and Andrew there to provide the support of a good friend,

Dave braved the outside world and found employment.

And Andrew was able to stay in the safety of their home

by working as an online travel agent.

After a life-long struggle with society,

Dave and Andrew had finally found happiness...

together.

Sadly, nothing lasts forever.

I'm moving out.

What?

I'm moving out, with Sarah.

With Sarah?

Yeah, with Sarah.

Didn't I tell you?

No.

I'm pretty sure that I did.

- No. You didn't. - I think I did.

I swear! You didn't!

And I'm telling you I did.

- You didn't! - I did.

Didn't!

You really didn't!

- Ah, I could've sworn I did. Anyway...

- But you've only known her for 2 weeks!

- What can I tell you? We're in love.

You can't leave!

You'll be fine.

No!

No, I won't! I'll kill myself!

You'll be fine.

Why are you doing this?

- It doesn't matter. - Yes! Yes, it does.

I just want to know why you're abandoning me.

I'm not abandoning you.

Yes, you are!

I'm moving on with my life.

But it's garbage day!

Then you take it out!

I can't!

You'll be fine!

Ladies.

Come on, girls.

Don't speak to the strange man.

Oh!

Loser!

Aw...

I can do this.

I can.

I can do this.

Oh God!

Oh God!

Oh God!

Oh God!

: Wire is what we are.

Wire is what we do.

'Morning.

John Morfit, line 2. Line 2.

- : John Bigbutte, please call reception.

Hey, how'd you guys do that?

That's, that's great!

I thought it funny when you glued the chair to the floor,

but this - it's incredible!

Well done.

That's just great.

Ah!

Hey, mister, are you OK?

Ah!

Mister?

I... I...

I...

Iocked myself...

out!

Don't worry.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Little girl?

Hello?

Hello?

- It's OK, Mister. You can come in now.

Ah! Ah!

Crawford wants to see you.

What? Why?

Well, maybe it's about the promotion?

I mean, I've really been busting my ass around here lately, so...

Uh...

yeah.

That's probably what it is.

You wanted to see me, sir?

Dave!

Get your crafty ass in here!

You thirsty? Want something to drink?

No, I'm fine. Thanks.

He's fine!

Heh-heh. I like that!

I like that!

So, uh...

You do know why you're here, right?

I think so.

- He thinks so! That's great stuff!

Great stuff! Who knew you had it in you?

Well, l...

Scrawny little ugly guy like you?

Little mousy guy, hiding in the shadows,

eating cheese, begging for crumbs?

Who knew?

But you're stupid, aren't you, Dave?

Huh?

You're an idiot. A moron.

Jackass. Heh-heh!

End of the day, you think it's morning.

What?

- Did you think we wouldn't find out?

Find out about what?

About the promotion?

Promotion?

For you?

Well, I thought...

- You embezzle $27,369.27 from the company

and you want a promotion?

You're amazing!

What?!

Hold on a second! I didn't embezzle anything!

- Well, sure you did! It's all right here.

It's got to be a mistake!

I don't think so.

I don't think the authorities will either.

Authorities?

- That's right, Dave. Authorities.

- Is there anything else I can get you?

No!

No. Thank you. I'm fine.

What about something to eat?

No, really.

Everything's fine.

Maybe you should just leave.

- I don't know, Mister. You were pretty shaken up.

Maybe I should stay and look after you for a little while.

I am a Fireside Girl.

- No. I just don't like going outside, that's all.

And I'm not very good with people,

so I think it would be better if you just left.

- I'm going to make you something to eat.

No!

Please, just leave.

Asshole!

You lost your job?

Baby, they got nothing on me!

I'm clean!

I can't believe this is happening.

Don't worry. I didn't do anything.

Besides,

I've got much bigger news to tell you!

Oh yeah?

What's that?

I'm moving in!

Look, I know the timing of all of this is a little weird,

but I think it just depends on how you look at it.

You were always complaining

about how we never had time to see each other.

Well, now Andrew's out of my life.

And as far as the job goes,

well, I can always get another job.

Maybe I could work at your place!

I could be a short-order cook!

And we could spend our days and nights together. Huh?

Baby,

you're not moving in with me!

I'm moving in with you!

- I embezzled the money from your work.

What?

I used your password

to get into the accounting software at your office.

And over the last two weeks wired $27,369.27

to an account in Zurich.

Can you hand me that?

You did?

- I made sure all the evidence points to you.