Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien."

Hello, cousin.

You cannot give up on your mission.

Once I eradicate humanity...

Don't move.

I'll return to my planet a hero.

If you don't tell me what is happening,

I'm going to lose my shit.

I am what your people call an extraterrestrial.

If you kill everyone, you kill me.

Then I won't kill everyone. I will miss you, friend.

I'll miss you too, friend.

Hi. You're taking me home, right?

This is some bullshit.

Being an alien is easier than being a human.

We have evolved past having emotions,

so we are not forced to deal with things

like seasonal depression or road rage.

We also have no roads, so nobody can cut you off,

not even Alpha Draconians,

who are lizard-faced dickheads.

After living on Earth,

I am not just an alien with human emotions.

I am an alien with human memories.

Is there a point where I become more human than alien?

I wanna go home!

I'm not turning around.

You should've thought of that before you got in.

I didn't know we were going all the way to Grandma's house!

Well, now you know, all right?

You can sing the song "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to pass the time.

You are the spider because

everyone hates you and you are itsy bitsy.

You are! And you're mean! I'm not going.

Go ahead. Jump out of the car.

Your lungs will explode.

I'll enjoy washing your guts off the side of the car.

- Turn around, stupid! - What are you doing? Let go!

Get your hands off the wheel!

You've suffered fairly significant head trauma.

Are you experiencing any issues with memory loss?

You were pretty dazed when they brought you in here.

They said they found you walking down the road naked.

Do you remember anything?

Do you know who you are?

I'm an alien.

I'm here to kill everyone.

They have Max.

The military, the mercenaries, whatever the hell they were.

They must have taken him out of the warehouse.

- You don't know that. - I looked everywhere.

Two hours. Inside, outside. I mean, Max is gone.

What the hell am I gonna tell his parents?

Try this. "Your kid is gone.

There was an alien involved."

Oh.

I can't do it.

Well, you can't run from this.

I'll be with you every step of the way.

Okay.

Thanks for coming with me.

Hell, no. I'm not going. I gotta cook eggs.

Hi, Ben. - Asta, come on in.

You're just in time for my famous "Bencakes."

Pancakes with a secret twist. - Okay.

The secret ingredient is brown sugar.

Max.

Family secret ruined.

Asta, hi. Everything okay?

Yes, of course.

I just wanted to check on Max and you both.

I heard there was a break-in last night.

Well, I wanted to know what happened.

Oh, you mean the attempted kidnapping we thwarted?

Had to rough up some perps, but no B-I-G.

Yeah, the police were here all night

trying to collect evidence, fingerprints, stuff like that.

Wow.

Asta...

you ever looked down the barrel of death?

Stare the devil in the face?

Dad, the blueberries are burning.

Dang it!

Poor Max.

Looks like he hasn't slept a wink.

That is accurate.

Well, I should go. I'm just glad you're safe.

Is that blood?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there was... there was blood all over us.

- We're safe now. - Yeah, thanks to you.

Mm-mm. Thanks to you.

- You saved me, Daddy. - Our little baby needs saving.

Our little baby needs to be saved.

- Oh, baby. - Yeah, I do.

- Are you okay? Are you scared? - I'm so scared. So upset.

- Are you upset? - Well, I should just...

Yeah, I'll walk her out.

What the hell happened to you?

Meet me at the baseball field in 20 minutes.

Okay.

See, this is why I keep a fishing rod in the truck.

Plus, you put a french fry on the end,

you can freak the hell out of some pigeons.

Sir, I don't think

Dr. Vanderspeigle would want you fishing off his deck.

Trying to get into the mind of a potential serial killer.

Sick bastard.

He probably sat here fishing just like this.

Doorknob is a match, which means the original French doors

ended up in the lake.

These ones are replacements.

Okay, so what we got here? We got... we got a severed foot.

We got the boot that held the foot.

That lets us know it's not just some simple swimming accident.

And then somehow, these doors here,

they end up in the lake.

- What if there was a struggle? - Oh, yeah.

See, I love how your mind works, Deputy.

You're like a true crime podcast.

Go ahead. Pod me. - All right.

What if they fought inside and then Harry threw dead foot guy

through the French doors...

and he lands around here.

Yeah, no, I see where you're going.

And then... and then Dr. V, he comes out like this.

Grab you like that, and I throw you in the lake.

You can't. I'm holding your arms.

What if I got an extra set of arms I use to choke you out?

Like an accomplice?

No, like I was in a radiation accident when I was five,

so my father was a scientist in the lab and then I snuck in

and then I grew a second pair of arms and I fight crime.

Huh.

Think we should wait for the doctor to come home

to talk to him?

No, we don't wanna spook him.

We need to do a deep dive on him first.

We gotta get inside his head,

find out what makes this man tick.

Mm.

We can't half-ass this one.

Stakes are way too high.

You know what? Maybe I'd be better with six arms.

That's better than four.

Hell, I can cut my shower in half if I had six arms.

I'd get my nuts and my butt and my pits,

still have two arms left.

It's a great day to be alive.

When we crashed, I blacked out.

I woke up right here.

Watch this.

- Is that the ship? - It's invisible.

Cool, right?

Yeah, cool.

Where do you think Harry went?

Not home.

Not without his ship, anyway.

You know, when he left,

I thought I was done with all this shit.

Sorry. - It's okay.

I like that word.

I don't know where the hell he is,

but we gotta find him before someone finds this thing.

That's his blood. He's hurt.

I gotta go. Don't let anyone near the ship.

My planet is in your constellation Ursa Major,

which you call the Great Bear.

It is one of three planets that orbits our sun.

And your planet, the planet Earth,

is in one of our constellations.

It... it looks like a giant... human...

boob... and your sun is the nipple.

Well, this is very interesting.

What's the name of your planet?

Sounds familiar.

Think my uncle lived there.

He could never live on my planet.

He's carbon isotope ratio

is less than half the planet's pole magnetism.

She's so stupid.

Who else thinks that she is so stupid?

- Let's go this way. - Mm-hmm.