Clipped

All right, Lonnie, when I give the word,

I want you to come at me, try to grab me.

I will defend myself by getting you

into a submissive position.

Charmaine, can I help you with something?

Nope. I'm good.

Just eating my applesauce and watching the cartoon.

All right. All right. You got it, Lonnie?

Come at me good, but don't worry.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

Okay. Where should I grab you?

Anywhere that's vulnerable.

This is what my sensei calls "hidari eri dori."

Okeydori.

All right, you ready? On the count of three.

Ready?

One, two, three.

Am I doing it right?

Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go.

Ba-Dee, Ba-Dee, Ba-Dee. That's all, folks!

What are you guys looking at?

Someone sent me a video

called "the world's rudest barbershop."

The Internet is just a collection

of mean people saying mean things.

Who are these awful people?

Oh, my god! That's Charmaine!

Yep. She's been viewed 116,000 times in the last 30 days.

Customers have been filming her when she's at her worst.

Meaning the hours between when she wakes up and goes to sleep.

Look at these comments.

People are so ignorant.

This guy even spelled "haircut" wrong.

There's no "n" in "cut."

Oh.

You know, the test for my yellow belt is this weekend,

and I don't know if I'm ready.

So I was just wondering if you could help me.

How long you been taking judo?

Couple weeks now. It's good.

You never know when you'll have to defend yourself.

Mo, who would you have to defend yourself against?

Anyone with hands capable of grabbing balls.

What are you bitches watching?

You. According to this viral video,

you are the world's rudest barber.

Mazel tov.

I have so many people to thank...

My mother, who gave me up to the foster-care system,

my grandmother, who taught me

if you don't have anything nice to say,

say it louder.

Charmaine, I don't know if you should take this so lightly.

You could really get in trouble.

How? The only type of person that would be offended by that

is a puny little girl.

I am very offended by this video.

Charmaine, my office... now.

Okay, so, you want me to make you look like

Harry Styles from One Direction.

Here's a thought.

Come back in five years

when life has lowered your expectations.

Why are you still here?

No, no.

No, no, no, no. No. This is not funny.

Do you have any idea how many people

have seen this video, Charmaine?

Do you know what this does for my brand?

Brand? What brand?

My brand.

What is it?

My brand is my brand. All right?

And this barbershop is branded by...

The brand that this brand represents.

All right? And for your information,

this video is everything that my brand is not.

So here's the deal, Charmaine.

From now on, every one of my customers

that walks through that door

gets a "hello" and a "how are you?"

And lots of smiles

and sentences [High-pitched voice] that go up at the end.

First of all, they're my customers,

and I am not changing who I am for you.

What?

I went up at the end.

See, this is your problem.

This is your problem.

You think this is funny,

like we're the cafeteria in high school eating tater tots

and still making fun of freshmen.

We're not those kids anymore, damn it.

All right? We're grown-ups, Charmaine!

Look... this is my business,

and what you've done

has seriously jeopardized my business.

It's out there already.

Nothing I can do about it.

And nothing you gonna do about it.

I mean, it's not like you got the onions to fire me.

I'm a lot scarier than you think.

I can't believe he fired Charmaine.

It's like I've lost my best friend.

Well, you could still make plans and see each other.

Eh, who's got the energy?

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no! He's hurt! He's hurt real bad!

What? What happened, Lonnie?

Mo and A.J... They were sparring,

and now he's hurt real bad.

All right. Just take it easy, A.J.

We're gonna get you to a hospital.

Mo, I'm fine.

Honestly. It's really no big deal.

Oh, my god! It's your pitching arm!

You look like a stick figure someone drew too fast.

It's honestly... it's fine.

It's so gross! I'm gonna throw up!

I was just trying to flip him, and then I heard a bone crack.

It's happening. I'm gonna do it!

I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna hurl! Oh!

I'm sure it's gonna be fine.

You might want to see a doctor, though, just to be sure.

Babe, I think you might be in shock.

We got to get you to the hospital.

I think it's a big waste of time.

Hey, what time is it?

No! don't check it!

Oh!

Come on, Mo. Grab his stuff. Let's get going.

You hang in there, buddy! I'm sure it's nothing.

All right. I'll see you guys later.

Holy shit! It's waving! Ugh!

Buzzy's. Please hold.

Buzzy's.

Oh, no. Charmaine's not here.

That's not how you pronounce "haircut," and you know it.

Buzzy's.

No, Charmaine cannot see you next Tuesday.

Oh, you're horrible!

Hey, hey. Where the hell have you been?

You know, holding the back of Rihanna's train at the met ball.

Where do you think I've been?

At the hospital with A.J.

How's he doing?

Not too good.

The doctor said the bone was broken in two places.

All right. Zip it, nurse Betty.

Look, I've got a shop full of people,

and I've got one barber.

And it's Buzzy.

Yeah, I'm a little low-energy today.

What... what is going on in here?

That Charmaine video's what's going on.

Everyone in Boston wants to come

to the world's rudest barbershop

to be insulted by the world's rudest barber.

But you fired her.

Oh, did I, Danni? Oh!

Thank you so much for the recap.

You want to tell me what else happened

on the last episode of "no shit, Sherlock"?

Sherlock got a ketchup stain on his shirt during lunch.

What? Oh, crap.

You know, ma's right... I can't have anything nice.

All right. You know what? Do me a favor.

Cut some heads, okay?

I got to figure out how I'm gonna get Charmaine back...

And find spot remover.

Okay. Uh, Dominic.

Hey, what can I do for you today?

What do you mean?

This is the world's rudest barbershop.

Treat me like the filth that I am.

Okay.

There he is.

I brought you a cake and a bunch of balloons.

I don't like balloons.

All right, all right.

Oh, A.J...

I feel so guilty for breaking your arm.

I can't sleep.

I can't eat.

Where's the other half of that cake, Mo?

I did eat half the cake. Yes.

Guilt makes me eat compulsively.

How's the arm?

Broken in two places, torn ucl.

Doctor says I'll never pitch again,

but, uh, hey, at least my life's over.

I can't even taste this.

Yeah. I, uh...

I don't really have anything to say right now, Mo.

No, A.J., come on.

I got to know how you're feeling.

It's driving me crazy.

If we don't talk it out, how am I gonna f...

How are you gonna feel better?

Honestly, I just want to go to sleep.