Single All the Way

Perfect. Beautiful.

Nice, guys.

Yeah, get in even closer, you on the left. Nice.

Yes, guys. Nice. Beautiful.

Oh, I love it.

- This is so great! Really nice. - Yeah.

Kyle, let's see a smile. All right. Good.

Adam?

Mm-hmm. Yeah?

Okay. Uh, hey, Peter? My clients are getting antsy.

Oh, it's a rough life for the Insta-gays.

- You've been on the set up for 45 minutes. - You know my boss.

Lachlan likes to have all the options in every possible angle.

Okay. Well, I'll just tell him he needs to trust you. Hey, Siri!

Whoa! Hey! No, no, no.

No. No. Don't do that.

Okay, now that you've shown your clients

that their big bad agent has done his job, please let me do mine.

Hey, I know we all wanna get to Josh and Phillip's party,

and I promise we will get there after we get the shots.

Thank you. Looks great.

- You going with Nick? - Yes, and also with my boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

- Okay, how long? - Three months and 22 days.

Okay, let me just put that into

the Guinness Book of Peter Records.

- I hate you. - You love me.

Shoot went great. Yeah, got everything that we talked about.

Uh-huh, every shot on your list.

Yes, all the abs.

Hey, Lachlan, listen, uh, if I lose you, it's 'cause I'm going into a tunnel.

Ugh!

You looking a little sad today, Linda.

I think I know what this is about.

Just because I'm finally in a relationship

doesn't mean you're any less important to me.

You saved me when Zack broke my heart, changed my life forever.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have any of my other plants.

Ow! Ow!

Judith!

Don't be jealous.

I love you too.

Come here. Hi, Emmett.

Yes, good boy.

Ooh, hey, boys.

- Get ready for the party. - I'm tired.

Maybe you shouldn't have accepted so many TaskRabbits.

I don't accept TaskRabbits. I am the TaskRabbit.

I know how it works, Nick.

- Just get dressed. - You're going with your new man.

No, Tim can't come until later. I already told you this.

He has to be at the hospital until nine. None of this matters. You're coming.

- I don't have anything plaid. - Yes, you do because I knew you'd do this.

I'm ordering the Uber.

- Peter. - Oh, you guys!

Mwah. Mwah.

This is wow! You have really outdone yourselves this year.

Thank you. I did everything.

And by everything, he means micromanaging three event planners

and repeatedly threatening to sue them on Judge Judy.

- Oh, hi, Nick. - Hey!

- I got you a... - Oh!

So did I.

- Wish I had a best friend like that. - You do. You have me.

I don't see you bringing me drinks.

- Bye, honey. - Bye.

Well...

Well, happy anniversary.

To eight years.

Eight years of this party, but we've known each other nine.

Just took a year of social climbing to get the invite.

- I think you did most of the climbing. - I did. Thank you!

Ho-ho-hoes. Hey!

- Hey. - Hi, Adam.

Wow, look at all this plaid perfection!

I'm glad we all made it. I know it was a long day...

Oh, babe, stop. I mean, it's not like you didn't pay us $15,000.

You got 15? Why didn't I get 15?

Oh, Max, baby, sweetie, honey, you know that Kyle was the original.

- And, uh... - Ugh!

Oh.

- Don't worry. She'll get over it. - So, where's the guy?

He's still at the hospital. He'll be here soon.

Oh my God! What happened?

- No, he works at a hospital. - Oh!

- He's a cardiologist. - Oh.

He's, uh... right there.

What do I have to do to be cardiac arrested?

Do you want one with you in it?

- No, it's for my plant account. - Oh.

I keep my plant Instagram and my personal Instagram separate.

Plants aren't my real job, so...

Well, I love how much you love plants.

I love how much you love hearts.

It's kinda my job to love hearts.

Well, hopefully someday it'll be my job to love plants.

I wish we were spending Christmas together.

So do I.

- I'm excited to go home, though. - Yeah?

Yeah. Christmas is always a big deal for my family.

And this year will be even better 'cause I won't be the single one.

- Who's gonna be the single one? - No. I mean, I'm always the single one.

Every year, it's like I'm this problem they all have to solve.

They can't understand why I haven't been in a relationship

more than a few months...

Problem solved.

Come home with me.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

You said you have a bunch of time off.

So...

...come to New Hampshire, meet my family. They'll love you.

I... would love to come home with you.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay, good.

Let's deck the halls together.

I'm sorry. One second.

Oh, crap. The hospital needs me. I'm so sorry.

No, it's okay. It's a sign.

It's meant to be. Go.

Go make more doctor money to pay for your plane ticket.

- Peter ? - Hi, Dad.

Yes. Yes, it's me, since it said "Peter" on your screen when the phone rang,

and also you're looking at my face.

- I have you under "probably wants money." - I haven't asked you for money in years.

Why is that still my name on your phone?

Well, I wanted to change it to "the single one," but, uh...

Good one, Dad.

Anyway, I'm not calling about what to get you.

- I'm calling about what to get Mom. - Wine glasses. She broke two last night.

Two?

How?

Wine.

- Hi, Mom! - Hi, honey. Oh, I can't wait to see you.

I can't wait to see you too. Hey, what should I get for Dad?

Nothing. He doesn't need anything.

Honey, I think he's becoming one of those hoarders.

I swear. He won't throw anything out.

I know.

Oh, get him one of those things. You know, those dumpster things.

What's that called?

Dumpster. It's a dumpster.

Yes! Get him one of those.

Well, you know what Mom and Lisa would love?

- What? - Gift sets from my new makeup line.

What new makeup line?

It's organic. It's like all from the farm, which is what I'm calling it.

"Farm On My Face."

Oh, that sounds, um... I love it!

I want a Rolex. It doesn't have to be real.

Okay.

Unless you want it to be.

No, but seriously, don't get me anything. Just bring you. I miss your stupid face.

I miss your stupid face.

But I'm not just bringing me,

I'm also bringing a surprise.

Is it a person?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Oh, so you are getting me a Rolex.

We had a guy who did our lights for years, Carl,

and I've been calling him for days with no answer,

until just this morning, his wife finally picked up

and told me he died,

hanging Christmas lights.

He fell on someone's roof and broke his neck.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Thank God I found you.

I had no idea TaskRabbits did Christmas lights.

Oh, they should call you TaskElves during the holidays.

If it's okay, I'm gonna focus on this. You know, so I don't fall off your roof.

Oh, here's my husband.

We'll leave you alone.

- Is that Carl? - No. He's with TaskRabbit. Carl died.

But this guy is great. This is the fourth house he's done this week.

Oh, looks great.

No! You're married!

You're a liar and a cheater.

You've been lying to me for almost four months,

and to your wife for however many years,

and to yourself for...

No. You know what? I'm not gonna judge whatever journey you're on.

I... It's not what I'm looking for,

and I hope that you never do it to anybody else ever again.

- I didn't wanna tell you, but... - You had to.

Well, Linda, here we are again.

You know you're a Chinese money plant, right?

You're supposed to bring me luck.

Hey. How long are you going home for?

Ten days.

So maybe you don't need that tower of sweaters?

Maybe I'll just stay there and never come back.

Mm, because Bridgewater, New Hampshire, population 36,

has a huge buffet of single gay men.

The all-you-can-eat buffet in Los Angeles has served me nothing but 7 heartbreaks,

a mountain of therapy debt, and a chipped tooth.

Chipped tooth was your fault.

I was running away from the guy that faked that he had cancer.

Maybe it's not L.A. Maybe you choose the wrong guys.

Fine! I'll date no one,

but I'll be close to my family, I'll open my plant store,

I'll be a guncle, and a plant lady forever.