Clipped

What the hell is this?

An angry black woman.

I was talking to your meter maid husband.

You were parked illegally. You broke the law.

Okay.

- - Am I finished?

Oh, you're about to be.

You knew that was my scooter.

Friends don't give friends tickets.

And friends don't ask friends to not do their job.

Joy, back me up.

Tell Tommy he's wrong.

Uh, no. I'd rather not get involved.

It feels racially charged.

Tommy, just rip the ticket up.

We'll pretend this never happened.

Too late. It's in the system.

Once you write a ticket, it cannot be undone.

Here you go, Charmaine.

Oh.

- What is that? - It's $40 for the ticket.

I am not getting in the middle of a fight

Between my work wife and my home wife.

Buzzy, that's like me paying for Charmaine’s ticket.

Well, what are you gonna do about it?

Give me the damn thing.

Give him back the money.

I thought you said once something was in the system,

It cannot be undone.

Oh, that's that meter maid bullshit.

Hey, there. What are you doing?

Playing "candy crush."

Oh, that's a good use of your time.

Someone's got to crush the candy.

What you got there?

Oh, pomegranate... the thinking man's apple.

- You ever had one? - We've shared one before.

- We have? - Yeah, it was 10th grade,

and we were taking the bus.

You asked me if I wanted some, and I asked you what it was.

And you said, "it's a pomegranate,

the thinking man's apple."

I really said the thing about pomegranate before?

Yep.

Um... You were on your way to practice,

And I was on my way to choir.

Oh, you were trying to grow a mustache,

- And I was working a side pony. - Oh, yeah.

That was a really bad week for both of us.

So, um, what are you doing tonight?

Oh, uh... I have plans.

I made plans.

I have a plan that I planned out.

Mm-hmm.

You don't happen to have any plans, do you?

Hey, there.

Suggest.

Too early.

Oh, too late.

The 8:50?

Uh-huh.

Sounds good.

Me, too. Okay, bye-bye.

Ugh.

Wrong number.

Oh, really? Yeah, it wasn't that girl Lucy,

Who you're going out with tonight?

Because that's what your caller I.D. said, Peter Pomegranate.

Okay, you're all set.

Um, you haven't cut my hair yet.

Oh, right. Sorry, I'll start right now.

Okay, you're all set.

Mo, what the hell are you doing? Huh?

I've been watching you over here.

You're in some sort of loop.

I'm so sorry about that, sir.

Buzz, can you help this nice customer out, please?

Sure.

That better not be what I think it is.

If you don't think it's weed, then it isn't.

Hey, hey, what's going on with you?

Ben, you're not gonna believe this.

What?

My folks are getting a divorce.

What? No!

Not Dottie and Jasper... they were like parents to me.

They were like parents to me, too.

You remember when they used to bathe us together?

Not so loud, not so loud.

- So, what happened? - I don't know.

When Ma told me on the phone, I got so upset, I fainted.

Wait, you fainted?

I-I was really upset.

Still, who faints?

Ben, I don't know who I am anymore.

I thought I was the son of Dottie and Jasper Mccracken,

The perfect couple.

I mean, sure, they fought, but they always made up.

But now, they...

They...

No, Mo! No, no!

Don't you dare faint, all right?

- You're a man, god damn it.You hear me? - Yes. Sorry.

Come here, sit down. Okay.

Sit down. Yeah, yeah.

- Take a breather, all right? - Yeah, you're right.

I just got to sit down for a second and collect my...

My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.

You know, just so we're clear,

You don't have to lie to this guy.

Huh. Huh.

- If you're dating someone, we're cool. - Oh, we are?

Dude, if you want to go out with this Lucy tonight,

I'm fine with it.

Okay, if you're fine with it,

Why do you have to tell me you're find with it, dude?

Because those are the words that you use

to convey that you're fine with something.

Ah.

Why? Do you not want to go out with Lucy?

Do you not want me to go out with Lucy?

Of course I want you to go.

Why "of course"?

I don't know, A.J.

Because if you two ever become a thing,

You get to say "I love Lucy!" how fun is that?!

I feel so bad for that Mo.

Tommy's got a thick skin.

I'm sure he's not mad at you anymore.

Not homo, mo Mo.

Our Mo. You know, about his parents getting divorced.

Oh, I didn't hear that. Is that happening?

Yeah, his mother just decided to suddenly end the marriage.

Poor Mo has no idea why.

I'm here to see Mo Mccracken.

Do you have an appointment?

No, I'm his mother, Dottie.

I have an idea why.

Hi. Uh, excuse me.

Hi, we're closed for lunch. We'll be open in an hour.

Oh, I am just looking for A.J.

- Are you Lucy? - I am.

Hi!

Hi!

Wow. You're so pretty.

Oh, thank you. So are you.

Isn't it funny how girls have to do that

to show each other they're friendly?

I know, it's so lame.

- I love your outfit. - I really love your outfit.

Oh.

Okay, well, A.J.'s upstairs on the roof.

Oh, thanks.

Great hair, by the way.

Really? I'm kind of sick of it.

I've been thinking about cutting it,

But I don't want to look like an elf.

Or Jenna Elfman.

She's really pretty, though.

Oh, my god... so pretty.

Well, you've got a great face for a short haircut.

I could do it for you if you want.

No. I mean, it would be... really?

Only if you want me to.

- You don't mind? - Oh, please.

I spend my days giving buzz cuts to fat guys in Patriot jerseys,

And fat guys in Celtic jerseys.

And fat guys in Red Sox jerseys, and... you get what I'm saying.

I would love to cut you... in the hair.

You know what? Let's do it.

Okay. Yeah.

Say, Benjamin, when were you gonna tell us about Mo's mom?

What, about the divorce?

I didn't know until he told me this morning.

Not about the divorce,

About the fact that his mama is Brienne from "Game of thrones."

Who's Brienne?

She's the giant lady-man who had a fistfight with a bear.

And won.

All right, so Dottie's tall and strong, so what?

Ben, she's...

"well, she's... she's"... What, say it?

Buzzy? A.J.?

Charmaine?

She a crazy bull-dyke.

Was that what you were gonna say?

Well, I was gonna say "gay,"

but Charmaine has a more colorful way of saying things.

Dottie gay? I... come on.

I mean, why would you say that? Did she say something?

Yeah, she did.

She said "hi, I'm Dottie."

All right, all right.

Listen, okay... if Dottie was gay, I would know, all right?

I just spent half my childhood at Mo's house.

She did regular family stuff with us, you know?

Watched a lot of NASCAR, she taught me how to weld.

I learned how to drive in her Subaru.

Oh, my god!

Well, you know the old saying.