The Boys

(intro to "Jingle Bell Rock" begins)

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Who's been naughty?

-It is dead center on your brand. -Mm-hmm.

-Let's get a picture. -I love pictures.

Hey.

Another one.

Oi, gorgeous.

-Vodka soda, hold the soda. -Thank you.

Drinks are free, but the food's bloody awful.

Ahi tartare, for fuck's sakes.

Okay. Just let me shake a few more hands,

and then we'll be out of here-- whoa.

Easy, tiger. I want you on your "A" game.

-"A" game? -Mm-hmm.

You know, I like the sound of that.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Merry Christmas.

Becca.

New senior director, digital marketing.

-Uh, yeah. How did you know? -I have my sources.

And your nametag.

-(chuckles) -Yes, that, too. (laughs)

-Uh, this is my husband, Billy. -Great to meet you.

Billy Butcher.

Becca, you handled my takeover, right?

Y-Yes, I-I did.

-You saw it? -I loved it.

-U-Uh, wow. Thank you. (laughs) -No, thank you.

-What'd you take over? Vought's Twitter account.

-Yeah. -Your brilliant wife here

did all the work.

She posted my photos, she wrote my messages.

It was exceptional.

All right, so they thought it was you up there,

but it was really Becca.

-(chuckles) -Bit deceptive, isn't it?

Uh, no, Billy, that's what we do

'cause Homelander's busy saving lives.

It's okay, it's okay. I-It-- you're right.

It's a little dishonest,

but I'm all thumbs when it comes to that kind of stuff,

so leave it to the experts.

Listen, I would love to talk to you

about maybe quarterbacking the rest of my social media.

-Seriously? -Absolutely.

My dad, he always said,

"Surround yourself with people smarter than you."

Oh, my, uh, better half is, uh,

wanting my attention, but maybe we could chat tomorrow.

That sounds wonderful. Thank you.

Thank you. Greet to meet you, pal.

Good to meet you.

Love that accent.

Hello, beautiful.

How the fuck does he walk around

in that sweaty fucking wetsuit all day long,

-balls mashed up against his leg like pancakes? -Oh, shh.

-What? -You promised to behave.

-Let's get the fuck out of here. -Yeah?

Yeah.

Hi.

-Huh. -Hmm.

I didn't realize you were such a cigar aficionado.

I really, I just...

Mm. I can't get enough of huge gross logs

-of filterless tobacco. -(chuckles)

-This is all really nice. -Mm-hmm.

But...

There is a "but" coming.

Okay.

But why did you bring me to a hotel?

Hmm? And not your place?

Well, you know. I mean, yeah, sure, my Dad

: could make you some post-coital pizza rolls.

I just figured this would be slightly less humiliating.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah.

Yeah, very convincing.

You okay? What's going on?

It's just...

I've never seen your place, or your job.

You're kind of a mystery to me.

T-That's hot, right?

Look, you got to understand that my dad

was nothing but corny jokes and expensive gifts,

until he was gone, and all the money along with him.

I know that that's not you, but...

I need to know that the hotel is a nice thing

and not a red flag thing.

I quit my job.

Um, I'm sorry, I-I...

I really should've told you.

After Robin, programming other people's remotes,

it felt kind of pointless.

And yeah, I mean, you can-you can meet my dad,

but you're gonna regret asking that.

So everything's okay?

It's great.

No red flags.

Hmm.

Now, I know this is not as swanky as New York City,

but to have a hero like you in a place like Sandusky, I mean,

everyone down at the local branch is just tickled pink.

-Yeah. -Now, we got Cedar Point,

biggest roller-coaster park in the whole U.S. of A.

We're just a couple short hours from Cleveland or Toledo.

And Lake Erie? Right here,

-if you want to swim. -Oh, yeah.

Ooh. Uh...

There it is.

-What's this? -That's your per diem.

You get $75 a day.

Grocery store, right down the street.

To make my own food?

There's a Dairy Queen, too.

Like Blizzards and stuff?

You betcha.

Well...

I mean, what about my crime itinerary?

I think the best thing's just to, you know, get out there

and put some points on the board.

Not much crime in Sandusky.

I mean, we're not a shithole like Akron.

But if something comes up, we'll call.

You'll call?

-Absolutely. -Okay.

-Oh, this is killing me. -Come on.

Damn.

Oh, no fucking way.

You need 3,000 calories an hour, or you're gonna pass out.

I can't do this shit, man.

Tough shit.

You heard the doc.

Your heart is getting bigger, balls are getting smaller,

your bone density's for shit.

That Compound V shit is killing you.

Hey. Don't even say it out loud, all right?

You don't know shit about it, you understand?

I don't want to know.

And you're done, okay? No more fucking around.

Did you see my last time out there?

Sioux City's got a fucking faster runner than me.

Then no more club openings and commercial shoots.

Okay? None of that shit. We train.

Back to the basics.

Nobody gets it back at my age.

I'm gonna be a freak show like Ben Johnson,

racing against horses.

At least you'll still be breathing.

: Shit.

-I got to go. -Where?

-What's going on? -I missed you guys.

Just wanted to see your smiling faces.

-(claps shoulder) -Take a seat, buddy.

And, truth be known, I felt like we were overdue

a little heart-to-heart.

A rap session, maybe a little tough love.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that lately, some of you

have been, eh, a little out of sorts.

Erratic.

Unreliable.

Downright sloppy.

Not you, Noir. You've been great.

But the rest of you...

It is fair to say that I am disappointed.

Got to keep your eye on the ball, guys.

The enemies are storming the gates.

I mean, we're not even The Seven anymore, we're down to five.

We're dropping like fucking flies,

but at least now I know why.

Uh...

Why...

Is this a joke? Why is Hughie up there?

I don't understand. Who is this guy?

This guy is Hugh Campbell.

He and Starlight are going steady.

He's also one of the guys who killed Translucent.

Wait, what?

As well as blackmailing

Mesmer, Ezekiel, Popclaw

-and God knows who else. -Popclaw?