New Girl

Okay, Schmidt, you ready for your feedback for the week?

Yes. Uh, let me just pull up my performance grid.

First off, thanks for keeping sex quick.

You were like a dog with an ice cream cone,

and I loved it, but screaming

"that's how Schmidty do" was not ideal.

Even though that's how Sch-Schmidty did?

Well, Schmidty did, and he did it good,

but mommy doesn't want to hear

- how Schmidty's doing. - Note... note taken.

- Okay. Great. Good. - Note taken.

I feel like I'm watching a porn set in an HR department.

You know, Fawn is teaching me how to be the most effective

and successful man and lover I possibly can be.

Really? I thought you were fine before.

When you two were together? Which time?

The... the first time or the third time?

Because... 'cause you two

were very off-and-on.

In a... in a very confusing way.

I've had sex with him so many times.

We have a fun thing together, don't we?

Super fun, yeah. I really enjoy it.

What is her... what is it, Cecil?

What is your name?

You'll learn it. Don't worry.

Fawn's helping me see that I haven't reached

- my full potential yet. - Well, obviously, none of you have.

No, I have. I'm a cop.

And, as of yesterday, my mom no longer buys

my plane tickets, so...

You need a ten-year plan.

Are you in a relationship that's headed towards marriage?

I am not currently, but I did go on a date

with somebody named Charles last month.

She was a woman, but she was named after her uncle.

Well, Winston has no game.

Dude took a girl to a cement plant.

To see how rocks were made.

That's not where rocks are made.

And she loved it, then she abruptly moved away.

Work sucked, my friends.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Milady.

I dub you Sir Winston of the Roll of Egg.

Ah, yes. Yes.

Who are you in this story?

I'm the jester.

I'm not gonna eat here anymore.

S04E20 Par 5

You'd think that the school board would want

to give kids computers, but no,

they just want to get reelected

so they can keep dressing like Realtors from the 1980s.

Solid municipal burn, Jessica.

- Fawn... - Councilwoman.

Councilwoman... do you think

you could help me get some traction with these people?

Oh, funnily enough, I have a charity event tomorrow

with other high-powered L.A. women.

- I'll put a word in with Yowtz. - Martha Yowtz?

- Yeah. - The lioness of Los Angeles education?

- Yes. - The straw that stirs the school board's drink?

- That's right. - That is a woman I'd like to get to know.

Is there any way I could come with you to this event?

Ah, you know, it's really a networking thing.

Well, that's perfect, 'cause I'd love to network her.

- With her. It's "with..." - You network with her.

Yeah, it's "network with her,"

and you don't really strike me

as the "networking" type.

You're more of a "follow a butterfly around

for a day" kind of gal.

Oh, sister, I'm a middle-school vice principal.

You think I got this job without knowing how to network?

Most likely. Yes.

I got an office with a door, bub.

Pencil me in. I'll yak with Yowtz.

The press will be there,

and I could use a photo with an educator, so... okay.

- Oh, great. - Oh. Hey.

Do you still need me for the photo op?

I will need you there, actually.

I'm trying to become more accessible on social media.

Speaking of which, is there some way you can

make your skin look less white in photos?

People are saying that you're haunting me.

I can do that. Absolutely. 100%.

- Let me just make a note. - Wonderful.

And, Jess, the event tomorrow is at a golf course.

Do you golf?

Does a bear eat with his hands?

I don't know.

- I'll be there. - Great.

So I say to her, "Water? I barely even know you."

Stop talking to me like we're in the middle of a conversation.

- We just sat down. - All right.

- I hate when you do that. - Okay.

Winston.

That is a beautiful girl right there. Wow.

- Just say something to her. - Yeah, just say something to her.

Shawty, what that thang do?

No.

- What was that? - Dude, I think it's

a nervous tic that stems from my lack of self-confidence.

We got to help. I can't watch this.

Excuse me, miss? Hi.

- Coach, stop. - Um, this is my buddy, Winston.

Um... I don't know what he's doing with his mouth.

That's not his normal smile at all.

I'm gonna fix that. If I could just...

Both sides... even it out.

Better.

- I think he likes you. - Oh, yeah?

- Just go talk to her. You got it. - I don't...

- Okay, okay, I'm going. - You got it. You got it. He's coming.

- He's excited to talk to you. - Hey... My friends.

Hello.

I'm Winston Bishop.

Winston Bishop. KC.

KC! Just be like, "Yo, KC, where JoJo at?"

In rehab, probably.

- He's... he was on drugs. - Yeah.

Sorry. Um...

I don't know what to say right now.

Uh, kind of blowing this, huh?

Uh...

Um, I think you're very beautiful, KC,

and I would like to see you again soon...

like, later today for lunch?

I'd love to.

Really?

- Here. - Oh.

I'm gonna put in my number...

or come with me to this thing in the park I'm going to now

and we can grab something after.

You know, I saw Nick Nolte in the park once.

And I was like, "Yo, Nick Nolte, what you doing in the park?"

And he was just like, "I'm just hanging out."

Yeah, so I thought that was notable.

I'm going to a rally to protest the police.

Do you want to come?

Or we could just do lunch.

- Let's do lunch. - Okay.

Yeah. Nice to... nice to meet you, KC.

Fawn is none of my business,

and Schmidt seems to really like her,

so whatever happens, I'm just not getting involved.

Then why are you on your way to hang out with him?

- What are you doing? - He said to come over.

He said it was an emergency.

What if he does something sexy?

That's like Gollum

hanging out with the One Ring.

It'll be fine.

Ooh. Hey, Cece, I'm glad you're here.

I need you to put bronzer all over my body.

None of the guys are here, and they also refused to do it.

Um, all over. I know you're giving me a look,

but, really, like, all over.

All the cracks, the crevices.

The engine, the caboose, everything.

Oh, okay.

Gripped it and ripped it.

You da man.

No, say, "Fawn is the man."

- Fawn's the man. - Fawn's the man.

Oh, hey, there's Yowtz.

Woman's got more connections than a flight

from Burbank to Sri Lanka.

Well, then, it's a good thing

I bought the airport neck pillow

in the gift shop, because...

You know what that means.

- I got this. - Okay.

How the hell are you?

Jessica Day.

I need 20 computers for my school.

Just met you, but noted.

You're up.

Thanks.

What? Oh.

You walk towards the...

Whoops.

Oh, dear Lord.

Why are we putting this on your body?

Aren't you going to be wearing a shirt?

Well, you know, Fawn wants me

to be prepared for all scenarios.

What if somebody gives birth out there

and I have to swaddle the baby in my polo?

Yeah...

I've never been under this kind of scrutiny before.

I'm having my teeth shaved by

a 25th of an inch.

Fawn thinks that I have the teeth of an immigrant.

She says every time she looks at me,

all she can see is Fievel Mouskewitz

singing "There Are No Cats in America."

Those little...