Dark Star

Hi guys. Glad we got your message.

You'll be interested to hear, it was broadcast live, all over Earth.

in Prime Time. Got good reviews in the trades.

The time lag on these messages is getting longer.

We gather from the ten year delay, that you are approximately

eighteen parsecs away.

Drop us a line more often, okay?

Sorry to hear about the radiation leak on the ship.

And real sorry to hear about the death of Commander Powell.

There was a week of mourning here on Earth.

The flags were at half-mast.

We're all behind you guys.

About your request for radiation shielding,

sorry to report this request has been denied.

I hate to send bad news when you guys are up there doing such a swell job.

But I think you'll take it in the proper spirit.

There've been some cutbacks in Congress, and right now...

considering the distance, we just can't afford

to send a cargo shuttle out there to you.

But I know... You guys will make due.

Keep up the good work, men.

What'd you say, Pinback?

What was that again? I still can't hear you.

I said I'm trying to reach Talby.

Something's wrong with the damn intercom.

I need a last-minute diameter approximation.

Talby, Talby, this is Doolittle.

Do you read me? Talby? Talby, do you read me?

TALBY!

Oh yes, Doolittle. What is it?

I need a diameter approximation.

Okay, Doolittle, I'll have it in a minute.

I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction.

I'll check it.

I have a bias A of plus one.

- Pinback... - Ya, Doolittle.

- Your GHF reading is minus fifteen. - Doolittle...

Yes.

I need a computer reading on a fail-safe mark.

In a second.

Boiler, can you set me up with some drive figures?

Ninety seven million, minus eight, corrected to mass critical.

That checks out here.

I have a reduced drive reading of seven thousand.

I read that with a quantum increase of seven.

Pinback, I have a computer reading, it's nine five seven seven.

Time to start talking.

Bomb bay systems operational.

Lock fail safe.

Fail-safe in lock.

Uh...

Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb #19. Do you read me, bomb?

Bomb #19 to Sergeant Pinback, I read you. Continue.

Well, bomb, we have about sixty seconds to drop.

Just wondering if everything is all right.

Have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding?

Energy shielding positive function. - Swell.

Let's synchronize detonation time. Uh...

You wouldn't happen to know when you're supposed to go off, would ya?

Detonation in six minutes, Twenty seconds.

All right, that checks out here.

Arm yourself, bomb.

Armed.

Well, then, everything sounds fine.

Dropping you off in about thirty-five seconds.

- Good luck. - Thanks!

Begin primary sequence.

Alright. Mark at...

1 0-9-8-7-

6-5-4-3-2-1

Drop.

Hyperdrive sequence begun. Hit it, Pinback.

Brace for force fields.

Lieutenant Doolittle, it just exploded.

Um, the planet just exploded, sir.

Lieutenant?

Attention. Attention.

Ship's computer to all personnel. - Unlock fail safe.

The hyperdrive sequence is now terminated.

Target planet has been destroyed. - Fail safe unlocked.

This sector is now cleared for colonization.

You have destroyed the last unstable planet in this system.

Congratulations on another successful bomb run fellows.

What now?

What do you have for us now, Boiler?

Uh... Not much. Nothing at all in this sector.

Well, find me something, I don't care where it is.

Well, I show a 95% probability of intelligent life

in the Horsehead Nebula sector.

Don't give me that kind of bull.

- I know it's a long shot... - Damn wild goose chase is what it is!

Remember when Commander Powell found that

99 plus probability of intelligent life in the Magellanic Cloud?

Well, I... there's the possibility of... - Remember what we found?

A damn mindless vegetable, looked like a limp balloon

Fourteen light years for a vegetable that went squawk

and let a fart when you touch it. Remember that?

All right, then uh...

Don't give me any of that intelligent life stuff.

Find me something I can blow up.

New star.

Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout.

Which one?

Another unknown. A red dwarf. Not on the charts.

Any planets?

Yeah. Eight, it says here.

Any of 'em any good?

Naah. All stable.

What are you gonna name it?

- What? - The new star.

What are you gonna name it?

Who cares. Don't bother me.

Commander Powell would have named it.

Commander Powell is dead.

Doolittle, I've got a goodie. An unstable planet.

85% probability of an unstable planet in the

Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star.

Wanna blow it up?

Real good, Boiler. That's what I'm looking for.

Chart a course for the Veil Nebula.

Pinback, throw me the chart log.

Let's have some music in here, Boiler.

Sure thing.

A million suns shine down

But I see only one

When I think I'm over you

I find I've just begun

The years move faster than the days There's no warmth in the light

How I miss those desert skies Your cool touch in the night

Benson, Arizona, blew warm wind through your hair

My body flies the galaxy, my heart longs to be there

Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky

But they seemed so much kinder when we watched them, you and I

Benson, Arizona, blew warm wind through your hair

My body flies the galaxy, my heart longs to be there

Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky

But they seemed so much kinder when we watched them, you and I

Now the years pull us apart

I'm young and now you're old

But you're still in my heart And the memory won't grow cold

I dream of times and spaces I left far behind

Where we spent our last few days Benson's on my mind

Benson, Arizona, blew warm wind through your hair

My body flies the galaxy, my heart longs to be there

Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky

But they seemed so much kinder when we watched them, you and I

Ship's log, entry number 1,943.

Dark Star cruising at light speed through Sector Theta 990.

On route to Veil Nebula for destruction of unstable planet.

Our ETA is 17 hours.

Ship's systems continue to deteriorate...

Oh ya...

The short circuit in the rear seat panel which killed Commander Powell

is still faulty.

The uh, the Storage...

Because he's sitting next to Commander Powell's seat,

it continues to bother Pinback.

Uh... Oh ya, Storage Area 9

self-destructed last week and destroyed the ship's entire

supply of toilet paper.

That's all.

Talby.

Here's some breakfast.

You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us.

You spend too much time up here.

I like it up here.

Must get lonely being up here so much.

I don't like to go below since Commander Powell died.

I feel too enclosed down there.

Well you should spend some more time below though, I mean...

You know, you should see more of the rest of the ship.

See, I can watch things Up here, Doolittle.

I love to watch things, just stare at the planets

meteors, gas clusters and asteroids...

You'll have plenty of time for that, later, though.

I mean, think of it this way:

We've been in space for twenty years now, right?

and we've only aged three years...

so there'll be plenty of time later on for staring around.

You know, Doolittle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula,

we may actually find a strange And beautiful thing...

the Phoenix Asteroid.

They should be passing through there about now.

Phoenix Asteroid? Never heard of 'em.

They're a body of asteroids that circle the universe...

once every 12.3 trillion years.

The Phoenix Asteroid...

From what I've heard, Doolittle, they glow...

glow with all the colors of the rainbow.

Nobody knows why.

They just glow as they drift around the universe.

The Phoenix Asteroid.

You know what I think about, Talby?

It's funny, I...

I kind of sit around a lot, you know, a lot of time to myself.

I can't talk to the others,

but with time to myself, I can think about back home,

back home at Malibu.

I used to surf a lot, Talby. I used to be a great surfer.

The waves at Malibu and Zuma are so fantastic in the springs Talby.