Modern Family

Honey, do you need me to move the car?

No, it's nothing. I'm alright

Oh no! Iron cross

Oh God! Phil...

You okay?

Yes. I am.

I am okay.

Honey, why do we keep this car?

It's a classic!

No, it just sits here.

And the seatbelts don't work.

The doors stick. It leaks fluids.

We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years.

Well, I'm gonna fix all that anyway.

And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car.

Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley.

It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back.

Remember?

Oh, no.

We're selling it.

- What?! - Mm-hmm.

Unless you don't think you can.

Really?

Yeah.

- Seriously? - You can't.

You honestly think that's gonna work?

You can't sell it.

You know what?

You can insult a lot of things about me...

my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises...

But don't insult my selling.

That crosses a line.

What line? Oh, you don't see it?

That's 'cause I just sold it.

"While the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks sober,

sources down under say

she has been bar-hopping like a coked-up kangaroo."

Ah, what's daddy reading to you?

If I have to read "The very hungry caterpillar"

one more time, I will snap.

- Oh, it's not that bad. - I will snap!

So, um, I laid the toolbox outside,

and all the supplies are ready,

and I think we are good to go!

Terrific.

- Aren't you gonna change into a working man's outfit? - No, I'm good,

and I don't think workmen really call them "outfits."

We are building a princess castle for Lily.

Uh, it's something every father wants to be able to do

for his daughter.

You know, and I fancy myself

as a bit of a castle designer.

I have done a few sketches.

Which we have archived so we can use the kit.

- Mm, yeah. - The kit.

Uh, the Kit. Which, uh, we're gonna do together.

I am petrified to do this with Mitchell.

He built a couple of theater sets in college or something,

and now he thinks he knows everything about building.

Well, he doesn't.

Every home-improvement project that we've undertaken

has been a near-death experience.

Make the appetizers.

And then we'll be...

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me...

Because I don't think

I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Honey, relax.

She's not here yet.

You might want to play it a little cooler.

You don't want to scare off your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend!

She's just coming over to study the life cycle of silkworms.

Oh. She's here.

She's here! Okay, how's my hair?

I thought it was just a friend.

I heard that.

I wasn't whispering.

Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome.

Kelly! Good morning.

Uh, I'm glad you're here.

Um, this is my mom.

Nice to meet you!

In my culture,

mothers are very clingy to their sons.

In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women

is when their sons get married.

But I'm not like that.

I just want my Manny to be happy.

Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada?

Oh, no, thank you.

I try to stay away from trans fats.

Oh, I'm sure one won't make a difference.

They're Manny's favorite!

I... think I'm going to stop eating trans fats, too.

Mom? When was this from?

Oh...

That's the year your dad and I went to the Rose Bowl.

- Incredible game. - Yeah.

Mom, you look really pretty.

Thank you, sweetheart.

So, what happened?

Well, Lukey, everyone gets older.

Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be,

it doesn't me...

I mean, what happened in the game?

We got our butts kicked by Penn State.

The parade was awesome, though.

Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal.

"Good time, she wrote."

Okay, come on, guys. Let's get back to it.

No one's gonna buy this heap looking this way.

Hey, mom, which one is the garbage can?

Um, it...

Honey, you can't throw that away.

It's Blankety.

It's disgusting.

No, sweetie, you loved Blankety.

You wouldn't go anywhere without him.

Yeah, until Luke threw up on it.

Yeah.

I used to throw up all the time.

Remember Buckety?

Oh!

Oh, look at this.

What is that?

We went to the beach one day,

and Luke had such a good time

that he wanted to being home a jar of sunshine

so he could always remember it.

Do you remember, honey?

Oh, no... no, no, don't... don't open it.

You really think you trapped sunshine in there?

I'm just letting you know now,

I'm not taking care of him when you guys die.

Stop. It's sweet.

Still feels hot.

Mm.

Hey! It's that guy who came by earlier.

He was really interested.

What was his name? Shoot!

Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names.

That's why I like to use what they call "minimonic" devices.

They're little tricks to help you remember.

Um, like t other day, I met this guy named Carl.

Now, I might forget that name,

but he was wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt.

What's a band like the Grateful Dead?

Phish. Where do fish live?

The ocean.

What else lives in the ocean?

Coral.

Hello, "coral".

I think it's "mnemonic."

I... I think I'd remember.

Okay.

You can do it, dad.

Okay.

He looked like the drummer from Foreigner.

Now, Foreigner's from France. France rhymes with "ants."

Ants ruin a picnic.

What's up, Nick?

Really?

Really?

Well, that's great.

Yeah, no, swing by anytime. We're here all day.

Thanks.

Guess what?

You said I couldn't sell this?

Well, you're gonna be eating a humble pie

stuffed with crow and a big side of sorry,

'cause I just did.

In your face, girl with the negative tattoo!

Honey...

Wait.

No!

Whoa.

Someone doesn't like to lose.

Honey.

Honey!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

When I woke up this morning, I hated that car,

and even thinking about it made me mad.

But then when we were going through it

and Blankety... All that stuff... I just...

the thought of that whole part of our life driving away...

We can keep Blankety.

I don't want...

Look at them.

Come on. A minute ago, they were babies.

And now they're driving.

And soon we'll all be dead.

Whoa!

You're leaving out a few great minutes there.

Retirement, old age...

Cool chair that goes up the stairs.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm... Being ridiculous.