New Girl

How do I look? What do you guys think?

Not bad, Winston. I'll tell you what, man...

you look like the funny guy from Police Academy

who does the... the voices,

and different sounds.

God, I wish marketers had a uniform.

To Winston Bishop,

owner of cats,

taker of baths, graduate of the LAPD.

We are so...

I'm so proud of you!

- What? - I'm so proud of you.

- You're proud of me? - Oh!

When is this night construction gonna stop?

I actually don't mind it.

Gets me ready for all the loud action

on the job, you know what I mean?

Something has gotta change.

Well, don't worry, 'cause I have called the city's

automated help desk and I've also sent out an e-mail

to [email protected], so action has been taken.

Jess, don't you know how democracy works?

We need to get out there and grease palms, blackmail people.

We need to send them an envelope filled with fake blood

and... and a note that says...

"I know."

What?

As if... as if... we know what's really going on.

Schmidt, you do realize you're saying this in front of a police officer.

- I'm so sorry. - A little respect.

Can I try on your uniform?

No, this uniform

is for official police business.

Yeah.

- Looking good, man. - Yeah.

We got a code Jewish, code Jewish.

You under "ch'arrest."

I can't believe Winston's gonna be a cop.

I mean, he's the gentlest person I know.

He once broke his arm wrapping presents.

Remember when he made this?

He's the sweetest guy in the world, man.

He's just so nice and...

- vulnerable. - Yeah.

Although...

Don't know what this is for.

Hey. What're you guys doing?

Uh, n... nothing, man.

Look, I'm a little worried about you, okay?

And so is Coach.

Kind of worried about you, man.

Guys, calm down. I understand,

I get it, and I'm... and I'm flattered that you're

concerned about me, but I signed up for this, remember?

Also, my training officer is gonna be with me

the entire time.

He's got a partner.

- I forgot about the partner. - That's huge.

- We're silly. Yeah. - Yeah.

It's supposed to be a real bad-ass, too.

Was in a biker gang for three years, undercover.

Can't go back to Arizona no more.

- Is that True Detective? - Apparently eats bullets as a party trick.

- Great, that's really good. - That makes sense, what are you, uh...

- Yeah, yeah, definitely. - What's that?

What the...?

Which... Oh, that?

It's a, uh...

it's a project.

I've had a report of people

acting lame back here.

Ow, Jess!

Also, I tazed Schmidt.

All right, seriously...

no more playing with the uniform.

Officer Leslie Biggins.

Okay, Biggins, so Bishop's gonna be next, okay? Come on.

All right, here we go.

Officer Hank Bishop.

Eh... Oh, that one.

Officer Win...

...field Bishop.

Well that's gonna cause a lot of mix-ups over at the station.

Officer Winston Bishop.

- Winston... - Winston, Winston,

Winston, Winston, Winston,

- Winston, Winston...! - Yes.

Winnie!

Sorry.

S04E12 Shark

Wow, a lot of city officials around here.

Maybe somebody can help us with our noise problem.

Okay, enough of this by-the-book nonsense.

It's time to play hardball.

- Be a shark, Jess. Not a dolphin. - Right.

So I shouldn't be the smartest and friendliest

creature in the ocean? That makes sense, bro.

Sharks eat whatever they want. Dolphins... they jump

through hoops, so, yeah, I think it does make sense.

No, it's awesome, bro.

Okay, stop mockingly saying "bro."

My uncle was arrested for having sex with a dolphin.

- What? - What?

Carry on.

I'm having a lot of difficulty nailing you down, Ryan.

Oh, there's councilwoman Fawn Moscato.

She's from our district.

Yummo.

- Where do I place my ballot? - She better get ready,

'cause she's about to have a very friendly conversation

with a concerned citizen... bro.

Okay, Jess, it's not gonna do anything.

Won't make a difference. Like what I did there

with the ballot thing? It was a good joke, right?

Didn't get the reaction I thought

- it was gonna get from you guys. - No, we got it.

- We got it, bro. - Oh, I get it.

And you know what, I've seen the Bollywood movies,

I've seen the UK Office.

Not a fan, not a fan.

Congratulations. These are from all of us,

but I'm the one that got 'em for you.

- Wow, they're big. - So, Winnie,

where's your bad-ass training officer?

Oh, guys, I would like for you to meet the person

who will be training me as I brave the

mean streets of L.A.: Officer Aly Nielsen.

She's so small.

- What... say... - Excuse me?

You're so small, you're...

- What is happening? - I think what he was

- trying to say was that, um... - Yeah?

We were expecting someone who looks

a little more like a cop in the traditional sense.

- That's what I meant. - No, no, no...

- Wow. No, no, no. - I'm not trying to

offend you, we were just expecting, like, uh,

either a really strong man or kind of like a guy

with, like, a mustache.

Got it. And flowers are a...

that's a normal thing to give to a grown man?

Or are they trees?

I can't tell, I'm so small.

- Cool friends, Bishop. - No, wait,

Officer Nielsen, just...

Thank you. Thank you very much, you guys.

Oh, also, thank you for the flowers.

And just so we're clear... the first thank you was sarcastic,

because you embarrassed me,

but the second thank you

was sincere as hell, because these flowers are glorious.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry about the construction noise... it's an issue close

to my heart... I do charity work with deaf children.

Of course, they would welcome the noise,

because it would mean they could hear.

Let me let you in on a little secret.

Just go to the public works website

and download this form.

You're a dear, Fawn.

I made a pun and I didn't know it.

You're too much.

- Oh. - Hi.

Schmidt, this is Fawn Moscato.

She was just giving me a shortcut to file

some complaints about the noise.

Looks like someone brought a shark

to the dolphin show.

That's a dolphin noise.

Ah. Very good.

Councilwoman Moscato, excuse my trembling,

but it's an honor.

- Your head is enormous. - Why, thank you.

So you're taking her out to dinner? That's your plan?

I'm intoxicating a single, overworked public official

with the pleasure of my company.

Which I will then parlay

into getting her to fix our problem.

Are my sleeves even? This is ridiculous.

You know, my new tailor sews like an army medic.

I'm not being overdramatic when I say that I would rather

sit naked on a hot grill

than wear something off the rack.

Schmidt, just don't screw this up.

She's a decent woman.

Oh, excuse me, at some point in the evening, can you

let me know that I have a call from Karl Lagerfeld?

Schmidt.

Bob, how are you?

Tony, love you in a chino.

Guillermo, fire up that grill, Fawn's hungry.

Sí, señora.

I'm Fawn Moscato.

And I approve this scotch.

Oh, goodness.

Okay, so I'm almost finished with form 7D42,

but I'm not sure what to put down for landlord's birth city.

Hey. Ooh. What you doing, hot shot?

I was feeling saucy. I've had a glass of red wine.

Red wine makes you bonkers horny.