Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, you gotta see this.

There's something going on here.

Something a little... hairy.

Nope.

Don't see anything out of the ordinary.

Really?

Well, maybe I should... frame the question differently.

Terry, do you notice anything?

Amy?

New shirt?

Oh, come on, guys.

I grew a goatee, and it looks amazing,

and I know you can see it.

Of course we can see it, Charles.

It's horrible.

It looks like you unclogged a shower drain

with your mouth.

Yeah, you look exactly like the guy

in the "Don't Talk to Strangers" poster.

No, I don't.

Are you talking about your new goatee?

Mm-hmm.

I think it's a good choice for your face.

Come over here, so I can take a better look.

Thank you, Captain.

I knew you'd appreciate Bianca.

That's right; I call her Bianca

because she's dark and thick

like my first cousin Bianca.

Jeffords, Peralta, now.

Wh...

Say good-bye to Bianca, Boyle.

No!

Hey, Charles.

I want to ask you something,

but you have to promise not to get excited and weird.

I can't promise anything of the sort.

It's about restaurants.

I'm so glad I didn't make that promise.

Oh, boy.

All right, where do you take your dad

when you want to go someplace special?

Great question.

We go to Csaba.

It's a Hungarian restaurant

that serves "Tál ezer kolbász,"

the platter of a thousand sausages.

Ugh.

It's symbolic of our manhood.

Okay, I should've saved the "ugh" till then.

Anyways, I'll try and get a reservation.

My dad's coming into town,

and we're going out to dinner tonight.

Why are you going to dinner with him?

He hasn't visited you in six years.

Yeah, he's busy. He's an airline pilot.

Regional airline.

He flies internationally.

Quebec to Albany.

What is going on here?

What's your problem with my dad?

I'm just being wary.

He left you when you were seven,

and he's been letting us down ever since.

Us?

I think of you as a brother, Jake,

so he didn't just abandon you; He abandoned us.

Look, I know he hasn't been the best dad in the past,

but he's changed.

Check it out. We've been texting.

"New phone. Who dis?"

No, below that. Oh.

See, he's coming into town just to see me.

All right, we're gonna go out to dinner tonight,

then maybe take a walk through the park,

possibly a carriage ride.

If I get chilly, he could loan me his coat.

I'm describing a date.

I don't know what fathers and sons do,

but I'm gonna find out!

Joining us for lunch, sir?

Oh, no, I've already consumed the required calories

for this day period.

Yummy.

But I do have some fun lunch chitchat.

When I was a detective,

my old c.o., Jim Martins,

used to keep us on our toes

by have us solve brain teasers.

I thought maybe you'd like to try one.

Don't just tease my brain, Captain.

Really go to town on it.

Yeah, bring it on, sir.

I love puzzles.

They're like power squats for your mind.

Good. Here's a problem.

There are 12 men on an island.

11 weigh exactly the same amount,

but one of them is slightly lighter or heavier.

You must figure out which.

And what do these men look like facially

and with respect to their bodies?

It's unimportant.

So like Tyrese.

It's a land of Tyreses.

Sure.

The island has no scales,

but there is a seesaw.

The exciting catch:

You can only use it three times.

That sounds super exciting.

Is this thing mandatory?

Oh, I hope so. Please say yes.

No, but there is a prize for whoever solves it first.

Two tickets to this Sunday's

Beyoncé Knowles rock music concert.

I'm in.

Marcus loves Beyoncé.

Everyone loves Beyoncé.

My girls were conceived to Bootylicious.

Don't tell my wife I told you that.

Whoop.

Guys, my dad just texted. He's in the building.

Scully, stop eating.

Terry, start flexing.

Everybody be cool.

Paging Detective Jake Peralta.

Ah, Dad!

How are you, son?

Good to see you.

Hey.

Everyone, this is my dad.

Hey, introduce yourself in your captain's voice.

Folks, this is your pilot speaking,

Captain Roger Peralta.

If you look to your left, you'll see me,

making your acquaintance.

Love that.

Hi, I'm Jake's best friend, Charles.

How are you?

Pop quiz:

What's Jake allergic to?

Bees. And wasps.

Guy didn't even include wasps.

Huh!

Wasps. Those aren't even real.

Oh, hey, Captain Holt.

Come meet my dad, Captain Peralta.

Hello, Captain. Captain.

This is super weird for me.

Captain. Captain.

Anyways, you guys,

my dad is the best pilot.

Oh, come on.

Tell them about Oregon.

Okay, this one time I'm in Eugene,

I'm hitching a ride in the jump seat of a commuter jet.

I'm sleeping off a wicked hangover.

Noice.

All of a sudden, there's a jolt and a boom.

A bird. It was a bird.

Yeah, we sucked a bird into our intake.

Next thing I know, the cabin's filling up with smoke,

alarm's going off,

engine flames out and dies.

We are in a dead stall.

I look over at the pilot, Sam Power...

Great name.

He's white as a sheet.

And he says to me... I'll never forget what he said.

He says, "Bobby's got a big ol' butt."

Turns out he's having a stroke.

Bring the plane down on a highway,

right across from a rest area.

Get on the PA,

I say, "Folks,

coffee's on me."

What? Wow.

Are you kidding me?

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me.

I'm here to spend some time with my boy.

Ah, Dad.

It's good to see you. You too.

Oh, hey, let me give you a tour of the precinct.

Cool.

Ooh, you can interrogate one of my perps.

No, he can't. Don't do that, Jake!

You might as well save yourself some paper

and give up now, Sarge.

You know I'm going to solve this first.

You probably can't tell,

but I'm flexing my brain like crazy right now.

Yeah, you're both wasting your time.

Beyoncé's my spiritual twin.

Those tickets are my birthright.

No offense, but this is gonna come down to me and the sarge.

Whoa, you think you two are the only ones

that can solve puzzles?

Yeah, what about Rosa, Gina, and me?

Is this how you want to die, Hitchcock?