Young Sheldon

I've always loved trains.

In fact, if my career

in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan

was to become a professional ticket taker.

Or hobo.

And when I figured out that trains allowed me

to prove Newton's first law...

an object in motion stays in motion

with the same speed and in the same direction

unless acted upon by an unbalanced force...

I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon,

alone and happy.

Shelly, dinner's ready!

I don't care how dimwitted you are.

Scientific principles have to make you smile.

Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas

in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics.

The only Newtons they cared about

were Wayne and Fig.

Sheldon, if you don't get in here,

- I'm gonna lick your toothbrush! - Coming!

That's my sister.

And she's done it before.

The hell were you doing

- out there? - George,

language.

What language? So?

I was exploring dimensional kinematics.

Admit it... he's adopted.

How can I be adopted

when I have a twin sister?

Think, monkey, think.

That's enough.

No one's adopted.

I wish I was.

That can still be arranged.

Now, let's pray.

A moment, please.

- Leave him be. - He can hold hands

with his family. It won't kill him.

We don't know that.

Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner?

Or even this week?

None of your business.

Hence the mittens.

Thank you, God, for this food

we're about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies,

and bless the hands that prepared it.

Amen.

How come we ain't got no tater tots?

I made tater tots last night.

I'd take tater tots

over mashed potaters any day.

- Just eat what I made you. - Can we at least

have tater tots tomorrow?

It was family dinners like this

that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent.

Nobel Prize winners...

ought not be orderin' tater tots.

Everybody excited to start school Monday?

I am.

I guess so.

Georgie?

Freshman year, that's a big deal.

How can I be excited when he's gonna be

in the same grade as me?

Don't worry, Georgie, I'm not planning

on being in the ninth grade for very long.

All I know is he's not in the same grade as me anymore,

and I'm thrilled.

Good luck with your finger painting.

You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school.

Hey, language.

I'm not going to be assaulted.

High school is a haven for higher learning.

Oh, dear God.

Speaking of God, who's going to church

- with me tomorrow? - I can't.

I'm meeting with the other coaches.

You can't meet after church?

No, Mary, I can't meet after church.

Georgie?

I got to study my playbook.

I'll go with you, Mom.

Why are you going?

- You don't believe in God. - No,

but I believe in Mom.

I'll take it. Missy?

Can't, Heather asked me to...

- You're goin'. - Son of a bitch.

- Hey. - Ow!

Missy... Don't you

throw something at the dinner table. George Jr.

Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes.

Hey!

I just had to go to dinner.

Never at the dinner table!

You knock that off, George!

D-Do not retaliate!

In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said,

"Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"

- Do you have evil thoughts? - Shh.

I just don't think this part applies to me.

That's fine. Be quiet and listen.

I'm only nine years old.

Most evil doesn't start till puberty.

Hello.

Philippians 4:8,

"Finally, brothers, whatever is..."

Do you have evil thoughts?

I'm having one right now.

Really? What is it?

When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls.

You can't. They haven't descended yet.

- Mom? - What?

When should I be expecting my testicles?

"...whatever is admirable..."

What is wrong with him?

Nothin' is wrong with him.

Now, turn around before I knock your lights out.

...think continually on these things.

A good thought leads

to a good thing.

You feel it in your body. You feel it in your...

My mom was my Christian soldier.

...leads to evil things and sits there and...

And for the record, they descended when I was 15.

Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it.

But I have to learn the student handbook.

Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles,

goatees and mustaches are not allowed?

- I didn't. - I personally find that very reassuring.

Look what a beautiful day it is.

Go play.

"Go play"... if only life were that simple.

There, I played.

Hey, Sheldon!

Hello, Billy Sparks.

- Hello, Matilda Sparks. - I heard

- you're going to high school tomorrow. - I am.

You're going to have to find someone else

to torment on the playground.

"Torment"?

It means to maliciously harass.

"Her ass"?

That's funny.

Well, this was nice.

Hey, doofus!

Mom!

- Good girl. - Mom!

What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing.

Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes?

He won't hold your hand.

You think he's gonna put his feet

in his brother's smelly shoes?

Well, we damn well better cut back somewhere.

Will you please keep your voice down?

They're fighting about you again.

They're fighting about money.

It's a common argument in marriages.

Lights out.

Big day tomorrow.

Mom?

Hmm?

Do we have financial problems?

Don't you worry about that.

We are fine.

Now, go to sleep.

She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better.

Mom doesn't lie.

Sure, she thinks

the Earth was made in six days,

but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Mom,

Sheldon can't find his bowtie.

Really? I laid it out for him.

Leave it alone, Mary. He doesn't need a bowtie.

It's his first day of school. Let him wear what he wants.

Mom, I can't find my bowtie!

Dear Lord, why's he got to wear a bowtie?

Can I drive in with you?

Sure.

Everybody's gonna know he's your brother.

It's gonna be awful for you.

Tell her to shut up.

She's not wrong.

- It's got to be here. - It's not.

- It's not! - Shelly, stay calm. We'll find it.

- My tie is gone! My tie is gone! - Shelly,

you don't really need a tie.

I have to find my tie. I have to find my tie.

Be right back.

Professor Proton wears a bowtie!

George Junior,

- give me back that bowtie right now! - I didn't take it!

- Don't you lie to me! - I'm not lying!

- We'll see about that. - Stay out of my room!

She's gonna find your dirty magazines.

Shut up!

You are not having a good day.