Euphoria

Go ahead, Rue.

I met someone.

She's helped.

Now, I want to stay clean.

So, thank you.

I'm really proud of you, Rue.

You've come a long way.

Just take your time.

You're delicate.

Every time I feel good, I think it'll last forever.

These states will wax and wane.

I think I need your help.

In bad times, there would be good times.

But also, in the good times...

You're fucking dead to me.

There would be bad times.

You look different.

I miss the old Kat.

Leave Rue and her friends alone.

Is that a threat?

I guess it's true. Life is always this way.

You're okay, baby. You're okay.

One of the benefits of showing up at the hospital

in the middle of the night with a kidney infection

is that the first thing they do...

Take this with a full cup of water.

...is give you something to bring down your fever

and subdue the agonizing pain you're in.

- Is this Vicodin? - Yes.

- Five milligrams? - Uh, yes.

I know what you're all thinking.

I, um, I got my wisdom teeth taken out, like, a year ago,

and they gave me Vicodin.

It... It just wasn't... It wasn't good for me.

It really, really upsets my stomach.

- Oh. Okay. - Yeah.

- I think I'll just go with plain Tylenol. - Are you sure?

Kidney infections are extremely painful.

I'm sure.

Unless...

I can't quite remember what they put me on instead.

It was, like... I don't know, it sounded like a candy name.

It was like, uh, like Roxi...

- like Roxis... - Roxicet?

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Roxicet. Yeah.

I'll go with that. 7.5 milligrams.

- Okay. Let me check with the doctor. - Thanks.

It's not a relapse if it's warranted.

It's a hall pass.

God, please don't get in the way.

According to the paperwork that your mother filled out,

it appears that you have some pretty extreme substance abuse issues.

So, I think you're right.

We should just stick with Tylenol.

Huh. Okay, yeah.

You know, if I ever come back here with cancer,

I really hope you're not my doctor.

Uh-huh, yeah, I'm serious.

Wait. Can I... Can I still get the Vicodin?

They put me on Cipro, which is the antibiotic they give to people

that are exposed to anthrax,

started me on Lexapro, which is one of the few antidepressants

that doesn't make me crazier.

And kept me there for three days.

It was actually really nice.

I love hospitals.

If I could spend the rest of my life in a hospital, I would.

Hey. Because when you're in a hospital,

you have zero responsibilities.

They make sure you eat, sleep, stay hydrated,

and if anything bad happens, there's always a doctor nearby.

Thank you.

It's also the best place to be

in the event of a mass shooting,

unless the gunman kills all the surgeons.

The point is, I had zero anxiety.

Gel enhancement, gel enhancement nails.

- What are gel enhancement nails? - Fake nails?

Yes, fake nails.

Then at nighttime, when everyone's asleep,

I close my eyes and imagine all the little beeps to be the sounds of birds,

and the lukewarm air blowing through the vent to be a warm breeze.

Your hospital bed can sort of feel like a poolside chair

on a hot summer night in the Caribbean.

Plus, Jules came to visit.

Did all this happen because I left?

No.

You promise?

Yeah, I promise.

I've felt like this my whole life, Jules.

Not all the time, but sometimes.

You make it better, though.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For not telling you the truth.

For everyone who was calling me manic,

I was, like, 92 percent correct.

But something was different about Jules.

Rue, you look fucking amazing.

Jules, I am deeply uncomfortable right now.

Listen, you look hot.

And the fact that you usually dress like Seth Rogen,

although you make it cute sometimes, like, it crushes my soul.

I don't dress like Seth Rogen.

When was the last time you didn't wear a hoodie and sweatpants?

I don't know, like... now.

Exactly. Which is why we're gonna finish.

It was, like, the most amazing weekend ever.

I legit cannot stop thinking about it, you know.

It was, like, the first time...

I ever felt like I had a family,

that wasn't my dad, or, like, you, kind of.

And, oh, my God. Rue...

you would die for Anna.

- Who's Anna? - She's just, like, next level.

I don't know.

Did you guys, like, hook up or something?

Yeah. It was kind of crazy.

We went to the club,

and the energy was, like, crazy in there.

It, like, matched hers, and then I was feelin' it.

And she just, like, grabbed me and sort of like,

pushed me down, and like, kissed me.

And... she fuckin' bit me.

- What do you mean she bit you? - Like, when we were hooking up, she, like, fully bit me.

Look.

Oh. Okay.

- Did it, like, feel good? - Yeah, it felt amazing.

That's it, she just...

Has anyone ever done that to you?

No.

- Do you want to see what it feels like? - I don't know.

- Ow! - What?

- Ow! - You don't like it?

I don't think so.

I see.

But you like it.

I liked it.

I don't know. You've gotta meet these kids.

'Cause I swear, you would fuckin' flourish in that energy.

I've never felt anything like it.

There. Mm.

I missed you so much.

You look beautiful.

Thanks. You, too.

By the way, fuck Nate Jacobs.

- Fuck Nate Jacobs. - Mm-hmm.

I know you're not supposed to say this kind of shit out loud,

but if I ever had the chance I would fuckin'...

What a fuckin' pussy.

Hi. I'm Leslie, Rue's mom.

Hi, Leslie.

They asked me to write a letter about what your addiction has cost us as a family,

and as I sat down last night to write it,

I couldn't stop thinking about the day you were born.

Holding you in my arms for the first time,

looking down at you,

your sweet, beautiful face...

I had never felt so much love and joy in my entire life.

And I thought that...

what if in that moment I heard a voice,

some omniscient narrator who said,

"Here's what's going to happen.

"Your daughter is gonna be funny, and smart, and outgoing,

You'll see it instantly, from a young age."

- Are you guys drinking wine? - I mean, barely.

We were waiting for you to leave so we could get into the hard stuff.

That's cool. I'm not triggered or anything.

Aah. It's a joke.

Okay, let's take some pictures. Come on.

"She'll be charismatic and make friends easily."

Aw, you guys look so cute.

"She'll be kind and sensitive.

"Maybe too sensitive.

"She won't be an easy child.

She'll struggle."

Just walk in,

and hold your head up high, baby.

"And in turn, you'll struggle to understand her."

- You look beautiful. - I don't know.

"To understand what's going on inside of her head.

"The night terrors that can't be interrupted.

"The times after dinner where

"she'll just sit at the kitchen table and count the tiles over and over,

"until she hyperventilates."

- Do you have a... a date? - No.

"To fight to hold her in your arms, to tell her it's okay."

Do you think this makes me look stupid?

No, not in the least.

- "To calm down. The kicking. - The screaming.

"The anxiety of being harmed.

"The transitions from day to night,

"from home to school, from meal to meal.

Of losing her mother or father or little sister."

Hey.

You guys have such a beautiful home. Aw, thank you.

- Hi. - Hi.

- You look beautiful. - Thanks.

- That's an understatement. - "Of being alone."

Hey. I really like her.