The Goldbergs

Adult Adam: Growing up, my mom was many things,

but cool was definitely not one of them.

She would seriously leave the house like that.

You're not seriously gonna leave the house like that, are you?

Of course not.

She was an absolute stickler for her uncool rules...

Curfew is 11:00.

It's 11:04.

Even the way she worried about us was uncool.

Do you know what could happen in four minutes?

You could drown, choke, eat poison berries.

And if any of that happens, then I have failed as a mother.

But the most uncool thing of all

was how much our mom loved us.

I made these people... me.

I made them with my body. (Chuckles)

Oh! There's this one now.

Hey, Erica, it's your mom.

Erica, it's your mother! Hi, Erica and Erica's friends!

- Oh, my God. Mom, what are you wearing? - Isn't this adorable?

That kiosk uses technology to put memories on a t-shirt.

It's totally cool.

Oh, Jill, look. There's your mom, too. Louise!

Louise Rubin... the cool mom.

There's always one... hip, youthful,

and wouldn't be caught dead in a shirt with her kids' faces on it.

Yep, she was the Anti-Beverly.

Oh, look what you've got on.

Oh.

What are the chances, huh?

Are you here to celebrate Choctoberfest

at the Fudge Emporium, too?

Nope. Just hanging with the girls.

- Which girls? - These girls. We just did our nails.

Oh...

So, you drove them here and had to wait in the car

- while they enjoyed themselves, huh? - Mom, she's hanging with us, okay?

We're here to get the new Madonna album.

- don't you just love... - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

When you said you were going to the mall

with your friend Louise, I thought that meant

a girl from your class, not Mrs. Rubin.

Ugh, I don't want them to call me that.

It makes me feel like such a mom, you know?

Ohh, pfft. Yeah.

That's why I like Erica's friends to call me Bev.

Sounds good, Bev.

Don't like it. Go back.

Okay, this was fun. See you at dinner?

Yep. Got to fix some din-din.

Hmm.

Chicken's not gonna pot-pie itself, know what I'm sayin'? (Chuckles)

Cool. Nice catching up, Bev.

Okay, see you on the fliflop! (Chuckles)

The nerve of that woman, cold chillin' with my daughter at the mall.

Erica should be cold chillin' with me, not her!

What are you talking about? You cold chill with Erica all the time.

No.

I only feed her soup when she's sick

and give her boric-acid drops when she's got pinkeye.

I'm in the trenches doing the important, boring stuff.

But when it comes time for fun,

well, she heads straight to Louise Rubin.

Wait. We're talking about Louise Rubin here?

Oh, she's the coolest.

- What? - Yeah!

She'll cut the top off her shirt

just to show her shoulder.

Well, I can do that.

See? I'm just as cool as the next mom.

- W-what are you doing? - I'm trying to expose my shoulder!

Poop. I just stretched it out.

Stop stretching your sweater.

- Okay. - Stop!

Well, I got to stretch my sweater out so I can show my shoulder.

- Mm-hmm-hmm. - Why won't you stop?!

I don't know why you can't stop, but you need to stop!

It was October 22, 1980-something,

and I was spending the night with my Apple II Plus.

It had a whopping 16k of RAM,

Dot Matrix printer, 32-bit color graphics,

and badass, thrill-a-minute video games

like "Oregon Trail."

- Balls! - (Door opens)

- (Door closes) - While I spent time with my computer,

Barry was hanging with his new crew of dudes.

They called themselves the "Jenkintown Posse"...

- JTP! - Together: JTP!

JTP for short.

They were older, cooler, and lived on the edge.

There was Jeff Schwartz, the madman...

Potato chips on a sandwich? I'm crazy!

Andy Cogan, the ladies man

who never let his height get in the way.

Can a brother get a steppin' stool?

And "Naked Rob,"

one of those dudes who loved getting nude.

This tank top's chafing me. I got to take it off.

- Don't! Come on. - Adam: Yo.

What you wild cats up to tonight?

Whatever it is, you know it'll involve some ladies! Aah!

- How many ladies? - So many it's gonna be crazy!

- (Laughter) - Oh, man. How crazy?

So crazy someone may get in-jured!

- Barry: Yo, baby! It's on, baby! - Whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Details! Name some of the crazy stuff you guys did!

You know how our school's always trying

to get their hands on Germantown High mascot?

You stole Frankie the Falcon?!

W-well, I mean, not yet.

But once we do it, we'll be kings of the school.

JTP! JTP!

JTP! JTP!

- JTP! - Dude...

You can't say "JTP" unless you're in the JTP.

A man could only dream.

JTP out!

To the JTP, I was just a nerd obsessed with computers.

That all changed the day "Porky's II" was sold out

and they were forced to see "Wargames,"

a movie about a kid who hacks his way

to better grades and almost blows up the world.

_

Suddenly, they all realized that computer were awesome!

Dude! I just saw the best movie ever!

"Wargames."

All this time, I thought computers

were for lazy-eyed losers like you,

but they're actually badass.

- Thank you? - Can you do any of that stuff?

I can make you a really sweet banner.

I have print shop.

Can you start a global thermonuclear war on this thing?

- Probably. - Don't do it! There is no winner.

What else?

But what about hacking the school?

Can you change my grades?

Well, I would if I was in the JTP.

Uh, it'll take some convincing 'cause the guys

all think you suck, but... I'll make it happen.

Welcome to the Jenkintown Posse.

While I was one step closer to coolness,

- my mom was about to take 50 steps back. - Stop, stop.

'Sup, ladies?

Why are you dressed like a giant doily?

Just expressing myself like our gal Madonna.

Mom, that's "El" debarge. He's a dude.

And since when do you like Madonna, anyway?

Oh, since I heard her rockin' song about staying a virgin.

It's very cool to wait. Is that my sixth-grade tutu?

Mom, why... What are you doing with your hips?

Stop it with your hips.

Why are you moving your hips like that?

No, mom, stop. (Click)

Well, I just want to hang out with my girls, right?

Um, what do you say we, uh,

read some teen magazines and gossip about boys?

I'll go first.

I like Murray. You go, Lainey.

Uh, you smudged your beauty mark all over your upper lip.

Okay, you need to go. Come on.

What?

You let Louise Rubin hang out. Why not the Bevernator?

I'm fun, too!

Of course you are, just not hang-out fun...

More like a "I have a freckle and I need you

to tell me if it's worth being looked at

by a dermatologist" kind of fun.

Every freckle is worth being looked at by a dermatologist.

Why don't you schedule an appointment for next weekend?

We can hang-out then, okay?

Yeah.

Adult Adam: Madonna was a bust,

so my mom went to plan "B"... Dermatology.

No, I can't wait six weeks to see Dr. Krogen!

He's the last chance I have to bond with my daughter.

Please don't take this away from me!

I'm begging you!

This sad display made the impossible happen...

My dad got off his ass.

Good news... your gonna hang with your mom tomorrow.

No freaking way.

Oh, yes freaking way.

Or else all the things I don't care about,

I'm gonna start having strong opinions on,

like your allowance... Gone!

No!

Curfew? 6:00 P.M.

- What? - Skirt length?

- No skirts! - What?

Just pants with pleats.

Not the pleats.

Oh-ho. Pleats a plenty.

Your mom is upstairs hurting, and I can't bear to watch it.

So what's it gonna be?

As my sister was facing a night with my mom,

I was facing the reality

of what hacking was in the '80s...

Impossible.

Whoa!