R.J. Decker

Don't try to eat it through the wrapper.

- I'm sorry, what? - The candy bar.

You try to eat it through the wrapper, I owe my friend a hundred bucks.

Uh, why would I try to eat it with the wrapper?

You've been staring at it for ten minutes now.

It's like you're trying to skip the opening it and chewing it part,

and just beam it straight to your stomach.

I'm sorry, you've been watching me for ten minutes?

Me and my friend. She thinks you're an unhoused individual.

This is Florida. You can just say "crazy homeless guy," it's okay.

She thinks you're a crazy homeless guy

who's gonna eat that thing through the wrapper.

- But not you. - Mm-mmm. So what's the story?

Why are you eye-sexing a candy bar on the steps of a courthouse?

I'm on trial.

A few months back, I caught this kid stealing camera equipment

out of the trunk of my car.

You're a photographer?

I was.

- Commercial? Fashion? - News.

Anyway, I caught this kid and I...

- Yeah, I sort of... sort of lost it. - You lost it?

- I beat him up. - You beat up a kid?

He wasn't a kid. He was 20 years old.

And, as it turns out, the son of a state senator.

It didn't matter that he had 40 pounds on me

or that he threw the first punch.

He made up some story about me thinking he was a drug dealer

and then attacking him when he wouldn't sell me meth.

Doesn't explain the candy bar.

It's sort of my favorite.

Today could be the last day of my trial,

meaning I could be going home in a few hours, or--

You could be going to prison.

Where I'm told candy bars are in short supply.

Thing is that I keep...

I keep thinking if I eat it, I'll be jinxing everything.

Well, look, I don't know a lot about prison,

but I know a little.

And you're right, candy bars are hard to come by.

But I can think of something in even shorter supply.

# Some folk built like this #

# Some folk built like that #

# But the way I'm built #

# You shouldn't call me fat #

# Because I'm built for comfort #

Believe this is yours.

# I ain't built for speed #

Good luck today.

Thanks.

# But I got everything All that a good girl need #

Clay Gregory was questioned yet again today by homicide detectives.

The investigation into the murder of his wife is ongoing...

Turn that off, would you? I'm kind of tired of that guy.

Bro, try to cut it closer next time.

You still think it goes to the jury today?

Just one witness left.

The cousin, right? The one who said she was there that day?

- Stepsister, bro. The stepsister. - Stepsister. Stepsister.

- And you're sure she wasn't there? - Yeah, no one was there. Why?

I was going over her statement last night. It's very detailed.

All rise.

Superior Court of the State of Florida,

Broward County, Department 342, is now in session.

Judge Anna Yu presiding.

Mr. Accosta, next witness.

State calls Emi Ochoa, Your Honor.

Raise your right hand.

Do you swear the testimony you're about to give is the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

I do.

Would you please state your name and relationship to the victim?

Yes, I'm Emi Ochoa.

Lucas is my stepbrother.

And that's the man who almost killed him.

# I don't want you anymore 'Cause you took my joy #

# I don't want you anymore You took my joy #

# You took my joy, I want it back #

# You took my joy, I want it back #

# I'm gonna go to West Memphis And look for my joy #

# Go to West Memphis And look for my joy... #

Thank you, Ms. Ochoa. You're excused.

# Kick dust #

# Kick it up #

# Kick it up, kick it up, kick it up #

# You gotta kick it up #

I told you I needed a 2019.

- Man, don't give me that. - Different parts, Darius.

You want me to go put it back?

I'll go put it back.

I'll give you half.

Half?

Plus I get a slice of that pizza.

Jefe. Problema.

Come on, man.

I checked this thing top to bottom.

Ain't no...

Beautiful dog.

- Thanks. - Beautiful.

I swear she is the spitting image of another dog I know, Friday.

Friday's an emotional support dog.

Her owner, Dylan, he's eight. He has autism.

Friday helps him, makes him happy,

or at least she did until someone stole her out of a yard the other day.

You-You have a nice day, yeah?

Dylan's mom, Amanda, she put these up all over the place.

Next day, someone emailed her, said he had the dog

and for 10,000 bucks, she could have her back.

I know what you're thinking-- ten grand for a dog--

but, see, the house this guy stole her from?

It was nice. It was real nice.

One of those great big ones up in Coral Ridge.

Guy didn't know that Amanda was just the housekeeper

and that her bosses let her dog play outside while she works.

So you're gonna arrest me now?

No, I'm not going to arrest you. I'm not a cop.

I'm a PI. I'm also an ex-con, like you.

Eighteen months, Apalachee. Assault.

Marion Correctional. Possession.

I didn't want to take her. I wasn't even planning it.

- I was just-- - It's okay. It's okay.

Hey, listen, take this.

After I bring her home, I want you to call him.

He's a friend of mine.

He helps find jobs for guys like me and you.

Tell him R.J. sent you.

Hey, Tebow, how you doing?

Gonna be a hot one today. Stay hydrated.

And... nope.

- Hey, Arj. - Hey, morning, Freddie. How you doing?

Chester! A little help here?

Tom Petty.

Come here, Tom Petty. Good.

Arj, I told you, you got to keep a treat on you.

You give Tom Petty a treat, he'll leave you be.

Or maybe, you know, stop giving him a free run of the entire trailer park.

- Ever thought about that? - Seen Tebow this morning?

His mom was looking for him.

Yeah, he's out by the mailboxes.

He's doing his scary clown thing again.

What is the point?

Well, his mom says it's an experiment

in phenomenology.

Really, I think it's more to do with Tebow being crazy as hell.

Uh, Chester, I almost forgot. I signed for a package for you yesterday.

It's in here by the door.

Uh, do you mind bringing that out?

Uh, I'm not comfortable going in there since the, uh...

you know, the sinkhole.

Yeah, okay, I understand.

So, uh, you talked to management about getting your trailer moved yet?

I did, twice.

I think their hesitation may have something to do

with me being two months behind on rent.

"Florida man tries to chew through handcuffs following arrest."

Now, it is a fascinating read, sir,

but I'm afraid there's nothing in here that identifies you as the subject.

You understand, I can only give you a free drink

if you can prove you're the Florida Man in question.

# Captain America, we love you #

Another one for the wall.

# Captain America, you're grand... #

Cellie! Usual?

Uh, it's a little early.

And you get that every time you call me "Cellie,"

you're announcing to your patrons we're both ex-cons?

Well, if it weren't for ex-cons, R.J., I might not have any patrons.

This is true.

You texted. Cut to the chase.

Well, I'm afraid the chase, old buddy, is Clay Gregory.

Police have confirmed that the woman found dead in the trunk of a car

is Rhoda Batista, the high school teacher who was reported missing yesterday.

The car was involved in a brief chase with police last night.

This morning, it was found abandoned, leading to the discovery of the victim.

This, of course, is eerily reminiscent

to the murder of Broward County Herald journalist,

Maya Gregory, several years ago.

Just like Rhoda Batista, she was found in the trunk of her car, strangled.

In both cases, the murder weapon was a wire coat hanger.

Maya Gregory's husband, Clay Gregory, was a person of interest at the time,

but has never been charged.

You know, it's funny.

Year and a half sharing a six-by-eight space with you,

and I still can't read your mind.

I'm thinking it sure would be nice to know where Clay Gregory was last night.

It would, but it's safe to assume

Fort Lauderdale's finest are all over that, yeah?

You know, the reason I wanted you to hear about this from me

is 'cause I know there is a very straight line

between what happened to your reporter friend

and what you did to that kid who broke into your car a few days later.

Wish, he wasn't a kid. He was 20 years old.

And he was bigger than you, and he threw the first punch.

Remind me, which one of you ended up at Apalachee with me?

The truth, Cellie, is you were carrying too much hurt around

and you unloaded on the first best person came along.

Don't go making the same mistake now, you hear?

R.J. freaking Decker, as I live and breathe.

- They let you out already? - No, Bill, I escaped.

- Don't tell anyone, okay? How you doing? - You back at the newspaper?