The Swindle (Rien ne va plus)

Place your bets.

No more bets...

THE SWINDLE

All bets are down.

33 red, odd and pass.

10,500.

You're luckier than me.

Sorry about that.

Don't be silly!

Place your bets.

Bet with me.

My bad luck might rub off on you.

No more bets.

All bets are down.

No winners.

- You can't win everytime. - Especially me!

- Young man, where's the baccarat? - Over there.

- Bet with me. - But you're losing!

- You'll bring me luck. - This is my last chip.

Come on, let's play the last six. Okay?

- Place your bets. - The last six.

The last six. No more bets.

All bets are down.

20 black, even, pass.

I told you so.

That's it, I'm out. I'll buy you a drink.

- No. I don't think so. - Come on!

My name's Robert Chatillon and I'm perfectly harmless.

You're not the shy type!

Elisabeth Deroulède.

Deroulède? Like the poet who hated Krauts?

Yes. He was a distant relative.

Can we go somewhere else for a drink?

I'm afraid I'll be tempted.

Let's have one at the hotel bar. We're all at the Park Hotel.

- What do you mean by "all"? - The convention.

I'm staying there too.

You enjoy travelling?

So, you specialize in lawnmowers.

I handle all mechanical and electric garden equipment.

Oh, that's nice.

What do you mean "nice"?

I think it's... poetic.

I think you're right. Another whiskey?

But Robert, I'm way behind you. I haven't even drunk half.

Hurry up.

The guy from Clermont found a broad.

Yeah, I saw him.

Your order, sir?

A brandy and water. Lots of water.

No! Thank you.

- And you? - What about me?

What do you do for a living?

Director of an insurance company.

- Not bad! - Why? You thought I was a whore?

Not at all! You're not the type.

I'm happy to hear it.

No, I'm not a whore.

I'm a liberated woman who does what she wants. Are you married?

Yes.

You live around here?

No. Clermont-Ferrand.

So you're married. You have any kids?

No and we'll never have any.

That's life.

You have any cigarettes?

Sorry, I don't smoke.

Would you mind getting me some? They sell them at the bar.

Sure.

What brand should I buy?

Gitanes blondes.

A pack of Gitanes blondes please.

Right away, sir.

That'll be twenty francs.

- Here you go. - Thanks, that's sweet of you.

You're a really nice person.

That's because you're charming.

I'd like to get to know you better.

I'd be delighted.

I'd like to kiss you and make love to you.

You might be shocked, but that's how I am.

Take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

Your room or mine? I prefer yours.

Me too. I've got my key so no need to stop at the reception desk.

Here. I don't want this. Drink it.

Put it on my tab. Room 505.

Why do you want to make love to me?

Because you're nice.

Sorry.

Your pal Robert's hot stuff.

Yeah, I noticed. I'm amazed.

I can't get over it.

Maybe he could use my weed-wacker.

She's not bad-looking either.

Hey, take it easy!

Sorry. I don't mean to be pushy, but I figured...

- You play the trumpet! - No. It's a bet I made...

I'm a beginner...

- Why don't we get comfortable? - Sure.

Will you give me a hand?

Thanks.

Can you hang on a few minutes?

I want to freshen up.

There's not much in the...

I've got all I need in here.

Five minutes.

How much do I owe you?

Forty-five.

How much?

Too rich for my blood.

Thanks.

- Goodbye. - Goodnight sir.

What's wrong? You look tired.

- No, no. I'm okay. - Lie down.

- I don't know what's wrong. - I said, lie down.

What rotten luck.

Who is it?

Room service. It's Victor.

Idiot!

- Everything okay? - Out like alight.

He plays the trumpet too. Let's see.

- Are you crazy! - What? Do you mind.

Is that really appropriate?

Does he know which end to put it in?

Anyway, who cares. Let's see...

There's about 35,000 francs here.

How much did he win on his last round?

Just over 10,000.

So I'll leave him... 21,000.

That much?

Let me handle this!

Check if he has any other papers!

Credit cards, driver's license.

Forget the credit cards and bring me the license!

Take a look at this mugshot!

What about the signature?

- Piece of cake. - It's all yours.

The dumber the signature the easier it is.

We don't need an exacto knife.

What luck! 12,316.46 francs.

Wonderful.

How's it going?

No problem.

The writing?

He writes like a ten-year-old kid. Primitive.

Primitive...

I'm thirsty.

Drink!

Who do I make the check out to?

Good question. Make it out to the Geneva Import Co.

We haven't used it for a while.

Is this alright?

Perfect. Put everything back in its place.

It would be nice to leave a note.

Excellent idea!

Shall I dictate?

If you want.

- What's his name? - Robert.

My Dear Robert...

What did you say you did for a living?

Director of an insurance company. Elisabeth Deroulède.

Deroulède! Shame on you!

Use business handwriting, but make it a bit sensual.

My Dear Robert...

Sorry it didn't work out.

Maybe we could meet again sometime.

Sleep well.

Elisabeth.

And add this:

I had to return to Paris.

I think I had one too many.

Tomorrow 9:00 a.m. Marchand's speech.

Perfect time for a nap. I'm going to watch some porno.

- My wife drove me nuts. - Look, it's Robert's girlfriend.

I want another croissant.

- It's your fourth. - So it's my fourth.

More croissants please.

- Only two left. - Fine.

A glass of white wine, Odette.

I can go and get you some more.

This is fine.

Okay with you?

We could use some more coffee.

You're going to get fat.

You'll end up in a wheelchair!

Obese!

- Find anything? - Nothing worthwhile anyway.

Not worth the trip.

Don't worry. I've got a good thing lined up in two weeks.

You feel like eating outside?

It's too cold out.

Alright. I'll clear off the ashtray and set the table.

Do it now! The food's ready.

What's happening in two weeks?

You're curious.

We're going to Sils Maria, near St. Moritz.

- Not bad! - I think it'll be worthwhile.

A dental convention.

The European Congress -