Fanatics (Kulman pojat)

Okay, jerks. Let's be quiet and quick.

Pete, take the bag. Terho, keep guard.

Fatso, don't do anything.

Don't do anything.

You see anyone? - No.

Okay. Let's go.

Anybody see us? - I don't think so.

The idiot's jaw is gonna drop when he sees this.

Shit!

Plaza named after national soccer team player -opening ceremony 11 a.m.

Dad, wake up.

Dad, wake up!

Go watch cartoons with Pete.

Pete, wake up!

Pete, wake up!

What time is it? - Eleven.

Eleven! Pasi, get up!

I'll be right there.

When we heard Tuukka was moving back to his hometown -

and joining his old soccer team, -

we knew we had to honor the moment with something special.

Here's a gift from the municipality:

A miniature statue of soccer player Jari Litmanen.

Thank you.

I've been watching your career since you played for United.

It must've given you a boner. - Not really. - Dummy.

I want to thank the municipality and United, of course.

Even after 20 years, the grin on his face pisses me off.

We'll wipe it off this summer.

I hope the statue is more durable than the person it depicts.

Thanks. - I hope you get hit by a car.

Tuukka will drive your pathetic team to the bottom of your division.

Tuukka will drive his dick into your grandpa's butt.

To make it short, let me reveal -

Ilari Kivelä's concrete statue titled Scissor Kick.

Next up is the band from Niinivaara High School.

Someone's written on it.

I LIKE C0CK - Faggot!

You know what? Your dad was a drunk -

and your wife ran off with a hockey player!

That's it. He's dead. Idiot!

Get him! - Suck my fart!

United!

BR0NS0N CLUB PRESENTS

Defense! Idiots!

You'd be better off playing beach ball!

KuPa is bigger than the globe!

Knuckleheads!

It'll die in a minute. Just a minute.

C'mon, this is soccer!

Third division! Third division!

KuPa will make it into the third division!

PRODUCED BY OSKARI HUTTU - JESSE FRYCKMAN

WRITTEN BY JAAKK0 KAJÁN

DIRECTED AND WRITTEN BY TEPPO AIRAKSINEN

FANATICS

Local team one step closer to next division

A ten-year wait is finally over.

This is so our summer.

I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about it.

Go kill yourself. - Why can't you be supportive?

You're not supportive either. - In what?

In things that are important to me.

I've listened to you bullshit about soccer for years.

You never ask me how I feel.

If I'd only known... - Take your hand off before I break it.

Larvio. - Grumpy.

My name is Vuorinen. - Want to buy a fitness ball?

Where were you two nights ago? - Pussy hunting. - Nowhere.

You don't know anything about this, do you?

Funny. Wish I could take credit for it.

What about these?

I want to talk to you in private.

Get lost.

Nice beard. Gillette.

Doesn't ring a bell. I hope they catch the criminals.

This is unacceptable. - Very.

You're a grown man.

Why not do something useful instead of goofing off with your friends?

You mean like become a small-town cop? - Touché.

My friend is a shift manager at the factory. - Bravo.

You can call him if the store gets crowded.

What a Nazi. You held up great.

You're no informer. Even though you look like one.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dearJari

Happy birthday to you

Hush. Dad's gonna give a speech.

The day you were... Quiet!

The day you were born was a big day.

First there was soccer player Jari Litmanen, then you.

You'll start playing soccer soon.

You'll show your killer banana kicks, -

and the United kids will be in the hospital...

Let's raise our hats.

Happy birthday, son.

Happy birthday to Grandma's darling!

One more time. Harder.

KuPa!

This is Dad's gift to you. - What can it be?

He'll practice six times a week.

Open this one. - What's in there?

They're a bit big.

I think they're a bit big. - Who's that?

It's Jari Litmanen. Remember what I taught you?

Terho's gift. - That's a big one.

You all remembered what we agreed.

Then fat boy's gift.

A garbage truck! - That's right.

Isn't it nice? - Very nice.

Happy birthday, Jari!

You can drive the truck like this.

You can back it up.

I think I made it pretty damn clear.

Something soccer related.

And then the fatso goes and buys some retarded tractor.

How can it be so difficult?

How are things with Mona?

What do you mean?

She sent a card. With cute bunnies and all.

It's a hell of a lot better now.

I feel better.

I can focus on KuPa's games.

Besides, my mom cooks better than she ever did.

Doesn't she?

Mönkkö! - Yes, Kaikkonen?

When are you finally going to finish fixing your house?

While you're at it, why don't you take my trash out too.

Will this ever end?

Choke on shit. - You'll be hearing from me!

Great guy. - Oh yeah.

I need a favor.

I have a customer meeting at four tomorrow.

Jari has practice at the same time.

It's his first practice. - I'll take care of it.

My man.

Come here! You'll have more space!

Cross the ball!

You want to play? - No.

Why not? - Because.

Spread out!

You sure? - Yes.

Just to make Dad happy.

Okay.

That way!

Come to this side, too, so that you get to run.

Okay. Let's continue.

You want to play another day? - No.

In that case your dad's going to kick my ass. - Yes.

Not interested in playing, huh?

I think he was a bit nervous.

Dads sometimes get disappointed when that happens.

If you only knew...

Oh, you're not his? - Oh no. He's not my son.

I just brought him here. - Okay.

Which way are you headed? - We're headed...

Where are you headed?

I'm headed that way.

So are we. Pete.

Emmi.

Jari. - Hi, Jari.

What's going on with that hand? - I've no idea.

Let's go, Jari.

It's annoying that people think ice hockey is our national sport.

Two world championships and people think we own the world.

You can't even see the puck.

Couldn't we alljust kick a ball?

What?

What? - Why haven't we met before?

I haven't been here before. - Where? On earth?

I'm here because I couldn't find a summer job coaching in Helsinki.

And because I get to stay at a friend's house. He lives here.

I understand.

Have a nice summer... I'll call you.

How?

You don't have my number.

Err...

You really want me to call you? - Maybe.

Really really? - Maybe maybe.

Damn.

Here. - Someone named Igor will answer?

Then you'll ask for me.

Bye!

My son needs skates.

The skates are around the corner. If you can't find the right ones, -

please come back and I'll help you.

What did you just do? What's wrong with you?

Yesterday you would've told her only jerks play hockey.

You would've made him try on soccer shoes.

God dammit. You got laid! Where? How many times? For how much?

I haven't gotten laid. I got something better.

A blow job? - No.

I realized why my past relationships have failed.

Relationships? Why the plural? - I've wasted time on women -

who make me choose between them and soccer.

What's the name of this stinking swamp monster?

Emmi. - When are you going to get laid?

Oh, pussy.

We'll see what happens tonight. - We're painting the banner tonight.