Sonic the Hedgehog

So... I know what you're thinking.

Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog

being chased by a mad man with a mustache from the civil war?

Gotta be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life.

Is this too much? Am I going too fast?

It's kinda what I do. You know what? Let's back up.

This is the island where I am from.

It had everything: sandy beaches, cascading waterfalls,

public access to loop-de-loops.

And I never had to catch a school bus

because I can run across the entire island in less than two seconds.

Also, there was no school.

I know, pretty sweet island, right?

I was born with extraordinary powers, and was told to keep them in secret.

And like any kid, I did the exact opposite.

That's Longclaw, she took care of me.

She was basically Obi-Wan Kenobi, if Obi-Wan Kenobi had a beak and ate mice.

Sonic, someone could've seen you!

No one saw me. I am too fast!

And, I wanted to bring you this.

Get down!

Turns out with great power comes great power-hungry bad guys.

And I let them right to us.

Listen carefully, Sonic.

You have a power unlike anything I've ever seen.

And that means someone will always want it.

The only way to stay safe is to stay hidden.

This word is on the farthest side of the universe. You should be safe there.

-I don't wanna go without you! -You must!

These rings will be your most important possession.

If you ever discovered, use one.

Never stop running. Now go!

Longclaw!

-Goodbye, Sonic. -No!

No!

C'mon, one car?

I'm bored.

Tom, do you read me? Are you there?

No, Wade, I'm actually on a yacht in Barbados

with Rihanna.

OMG. That's amazing, please send pics.

No, Wade, I'm at the speed trap.

Already? How did you get back so fast? Barbados is in the ocean.

Hang on, I think I got something.

Hey, buddy, where's the fire?

We've got kids living around here.

It was kinda funny, sorry.

What?

Tom, we need you down on Main Street. There's been a violent gang shoot-out.

Just kidding, a dog stole a bagel. But they do need it back.

Buddy, you almost got yourself killed out there.

What are you, some kind of an adrenaline junkie?

Must be rough being slow all the time.

I'll tell you what, today is your lucky day.

Have you ever felt so alive?

This is great, you're doing amazing.

Oh, jeez!

Good recovery!

Let's keep this our little secret, okay?

You never saw me. I was never here.

So, what were you expecting?

A dirty little hedgehog eating berries, and struggling to survive?

Think again, because I am living my best life on Earth.

I've got a library.

A home gym.

And a state of the art security system.

Oh, no!

And if I ever discovered, I'll follow Longclaw's instructions,

and use my rings to escape to a new planet.

A nice, safe little world filled only with mushrooms.

Gross, smelly mushrooms...

I hate mushrooms.

But let's not worry about all of that.

This is Green Hills.

The greatest place on Earth.

These are my people, and there, I say, I am their lovable space creature.

So what if they don't know I exist?

My favorite person is the Donut Lord.

Protector of this town,

and defender of all creatures, big and small.

Morning, Donald, Daisy, Daffy.

Donut Lord lives with Pretzel Lady.

She is super nice to animals, and strangely was born without bones.

There is one person in town who's actually onto me.

He calls me The Blue Devil.

-I almost caught him last night. - Say hello to Crazy Carl.

We have fun together.

I know you're out there!

And I know you're real!

No, I'm not.

Movie night is my favorite.

Please, please...

Yes! Keanu, you are a national treasure.

-When I find you-- -Pop quiz hot-shot.

There's a bomb on the bus.

Pop quiz hot-shot. The classic line.

Basically, we're like a family,

even though we haven't met yet.

You don't think your prolonged isolation is making you a bit crazy perhaps?

Crazy? Me? No way, Doc. You got me all wrong.

And despite all these so called friends of yours,

deep down you are still rather lonely?

Perhaps afraid you'll be alone forever?

Hey! No, no...

Get out of there! Come on! Oh, come on! Get out of there!

Get out of there, you trash pandas!

Maddie, as Green Hills most respected veterinary,

what is the fastest way to exterminate a racoon?

Hi, Ozzy. Hello. You're glad to see me?

You don't eat garbage, do you?

What's that?

-Is that what I think it is? -Open it.

-It's kinda small, is that bad? -Just... open it.

Dear Thomas, we have reviewed your application

to the San Francisco Police Department,

and pending inter departmental review and background check.

And we are happy to inform you that you have been selected to join our team.

Wow! Oh my God!

San Francisco sucks?

Wrong one.

-You never had a doubt, huh? -No!

-I can't believe this! -I know. You did it!

What are those?

Apartments for rent I found on Zillow.

I though Ozzy and I can fly there tomorrow,

and check out some neighborhoods.

I mean, this is all happening so fast.

Man, it's the craziest thing, you apply for the job, you get the job.

-Well, pending a background check. -Oh, man,

hope they don't find out about that time you used the neighbor's WiFi.

Correction, I'm still using the neighbor's WiFi.

But, Maddie...

Are you sure you're okay with this?

Thomas Michael Wachowski,

what did you do the entire time I was in a veterinary school?

I worked the second job to pay the rent, and--

A third job to pay tuition.

You sacrificed for me, I'm happy to sacrifice for you.

Babe, are you sure you're okay with this?

I mean, there's been a Wachowski protecting this town for more than 50 years.

This is a big change.

I'm positive.

It's time for this guy to get out there and prove himself.

I love Green Hills, but...

You know, I wanna help people in real trouble.

I want someone to turn to me in a life-or-death situation,

and I'll be there for them.

-I get it. I'm so proud of you. -Thank you.

And so it is with a heavy heart, that I tell you all

that I've accepted a position at the San Francisco Police Department

effective immediately.

It's gonna be tough to leave my home town, and all my friendships.

But this is something I feel like I need to do,

to grow, as both an officer, and a man.

What do you think, Sergeant Sprinkles?

That wasn't so bad, right?

Now all I gotta do is...

tell everyone who isn't a donut.

Whoa, the play-offs.

So cool.

We're at the ninth, tie score.

And exactly who you want at the plate with a game on the line, Sonic.

But staring him down from the pitcher's mound

is the most fearsome southpaw in Green Hills, also Sonic.

Okay, focus, Sonic.

If you win this game you'll be the most beloved kid in Green Hills.

Hit it to the guy in left, he's a real space case.

I can't with that guy.

Hey, batter Sonic, hey, batter Sonic, is so in batter Sonic.

I got it, I got it...

I don't got it.

Go home! Go home!

Come on!

Safe!

Yes! Yes! I did it!

Did you see that? I did it! I did it.

I really am alone.

All alone. Forever.

I'm sure no one noticed that giant blue explosion, right?

-Hey, Wade. -Hi, Tom. Wade here.

What is going on?

-Oh Gosh, I think the power is out. -Yap, dur.

The lights are out. The whole town is freaking out.

-What should I do? -Okay. Relax.

Take a deep breath, call Gil,

see if they can locate the down line, then...

call Zim, and see if he can get his generator over to the Super Cue

-so the food stays fresh. -Call Zim before Gil?

-Call Gil-- Hello? Wait. Wait! -I'll call you back.

Hello? Was that the end of the instructions?

Okay. All right. You can do this.

What was the first thing he said to do?

Right. Relax.

Twenty minutes ago an energy surge knocked our power

across the entire Pacific Northwest. What do we know?

Our first instinct was it was an EMP.

But electromagnetic pulses don't have that kind of power.

NASA has ruled out meteor strikes or solar flares.

The Department of Energy says it's not a power plant malfunction.

Sounds like we're really good at figuring out what it wasn't.