'Allo 'Allo!

I trust the food

was to your satisfaction, colonel?

Your wife is a wonderful cook, Rene.

She makes rabbit taste like chicken.

That was chicken, herr colonel.

Rabbit, as you will of course know,

does not have a wishbone.

A wishbone.

Good, we can make a wish!

- A little more wine? - No, we've spent enough already.

This is on the house.

Thank you.

Come on, hans. Make a wish.

I wish I could see my wife and children again, very soon.

You're not supposed to tell your wish!

Dummkopf! You'll spoil the whole thing.

I'm very sorry, colonel.

Rene, you... make a wish.

Oh, this is a rare honor, colonel.

Little piggies only.

Damn it, you've won.

Well... well,

you can have my wish, colonel.

What was it?

You mustn't tell, you'll spoil it.

- Doesn't spoil it if you tell it after. - Oh.

- What was it? - Oh, I just wished

that this terrible war could be over very soon.

Good, very good.

Which side did you wish to win?

Yours, of course, herr colonel.

Sensible fellow.

Dear colonel, I wonder if I might

beg a kindness from you?

My butter is running very low,

if you could let me have a pat or two,

just to keep me going?

Of course, hans, make a note.

Anything else?

- Dare I mention sugar? - Of course.

And five liters of paraffin would be most acceptable.

This may be most difficult. I have to account

for everything in the store.

Room six is at your disposal, colonel,

as usual. And one of my girls was enquiring after you

only five minutes ago.

- Which one? - Yvette.

- Five liters. - With respect, herr colonel, yvette is 10 liters.

Does that include the feather duster?

Of course.

- 10 liters, hans. - 10 liters.

Room six, for 10 liters. Six for me, four for you.

Oh, not the wet celery and the flying helmet?

No, the feather duster.

But throw in the egg whisk,

we might get some gasoline as well.

There is someone to see you in the back room.

- Who is it? - It is a woman, she has a gun.

What?! She does not have a pram, does she?

No, but she is with two men.

Oh, I will see her.

- Rene? - What?

Rene, do not think badly of me and the things I do.

I do it for my poor widowed mother.

She needs the paraffin.

She has cold feet.

But she must never, never know how I get it.

Promise?

Yvette, your secret is safe with me...

And the captain and the colonel.

And the pianist and my wife,

and the ironmonger in the rue de grenoble.

How does he know about it?

He supplies the feather duster and the egg whisk.

Don't move! My name is Michelle Dubois.

Time is very short.

Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.

I beg your pardon?

I shall say this only once.

No, I didn't quite catch your name.

My name is Michelle Dubois. You are Rene artois.

Yes, I know that. I...

Sit down!

Just listen.

We are members of lifeline.

Our mission is to assist

the escape of allied airmen,

and get them back to england so they can fight again.

Until yesterday, we had a safe house in nouvion.

Unfortunately, it has been blown.

It was terrible.

It was a little cafe, just like this,

with a patron, just like you.

They took him and his wife out into the town square

and shot them in cold blood.

I shall never forget the look on his face

as he stood there.

He was the greatest man I ever knew.

He sang "the marseillaise,"

three bars into the second chorus,

a volley of shots rang out

and he slumped against the ropes that held him to the post.

Why are you telling me this?

Your cafe is to be the next safe house.

Oh, well, uh...

If you don't mind my saying, it's not a very good choice.

No, this house is most terribly unsafe.

It is crawling with Germans.

But you are on very good terms with them.

Well, yes... and again, no!

Let us say we get on. We have to, do we not?

I mean, just because they are the enemy,

does not mean you can be rude to people, not in my business.

Good. You are about to perform

a great service for France.

The escaping airmen will hide here

until you give them the forged papers.

Where will I get forged papers?

A man will live here in your cellar.

He is an expert forger.

He will forge the papers and give them to you.

Oh... well, could I not just post the papers to...

...to wherever the airmen were before they came here?

Save them a journey. I mean, it's no trouble!

I would even pay for the stamp.

If the letter was intercepted

it would be traced back to you.

And you would find yourself in the town square... dead.

Your way is best.

Where is this man who is to do the forging?

It is better that you do not know his whereabouts.

But for the moment,

he is in a very safe place.

I want you in the back room.

Monsieur Rene, what about your wife?

This is a matter of utmost urgency.

But with you, it is always a matter of utmost urgency.

We shall be doing this for France!

No, you are the one who does it for France, I'm just a waitress.

Do as you're told!

Yvette, Edith, in the back room.

Michelle, this is my wife, Edith.

- I have told her everything. - Will she talk?

Incessantly.

But, uh... not about anything important.

This is yvette, and this is Maria.

Are they with us? Do they understand the need for secrecy?

They will give nothing away.

'Specially this one.

Right, listen very carefully.

I shall say this only once.

The forger, monsieur leclerc,

will arrive tomorrow.

You will pass him off as a cousin,

- who has come to help you in the restaurant. - He will need papers.

He is a forger. He will make his own papers.

Of course.

How quickly I have lost the thread

of this tapestry of intrigue.

Two British airmen are in a farmhouse 20 miles from here.

They will arrive in four days,

disguised as onion sellers.

But onions are not in season!

That is how you will know they are the airmen.

You will conceal them until monsieur leclerc

has prepared their papers.

Now, did my men come to fix the radio transmitter?

Yes! They have put it in the attic room.

It is the room of my mother.

It is the only place where nobody goes unless they have to.

But I wish to speak with you about that,

it is not very convenient.

- Show me. - Follow me.

One moment...

Is your wife's mother prepared to die for France?

She's been prepared to die for 30 years,

but she doesn't go!

I think god does not want the aggravation.

Visitors, mamma.

What is it?

Visitors to see you.

I do not want to see anybody.

Tell them to come back tomorrow.

They can't! It's the resistance.

I do not need any assistance.

No! It is the French resistance!

You fool!

Do you want the whole town to hear?

Where is the transmitter?

One, two, three.

- Mon dieu! - We won't be long, mother.

You see what I mean?

It is not very convenient.

- Where is the speaker? - That is the other problem.

What is happening? What is it?

You see?

I cannot make her understand

that she must not use this one.

She must use the one in the cupboard.

You must use this!