The Vampire Diaries

Previously on "The Vampire Diaries"...

I don't know what we were

or what we're supposed to be,

but I've never felt more alive.

In our coven's tradition

after their 22nd birthday,

the twins merge their strength.

The weaker one dies.

I'll find a way.

I'm not gonna let you die.

I hate you for ruining our friendship,

and I think that I deserve better than that.

I haven't been there for her.

Caroline needed me, and I ran away.

You're dying, mom, and we're out of options,

which is why I gave my blood to a cancer patient,

and I healed him.

I am not ready to lose you now.

I want you to live for me.

Everything's gonna be ok.

Caroline Forbes.

Colin?

What the hell did you do to me?

What?

- Hey. - Hey.

My mom's still sleeping.

- Don't wake her up. - What happened?

I don't know.

H-he was fine when we left him at Duke, remember?

He was running around and pain-free

and scarfing down all that disgusting vending machine food.

Yeah? Well, clearly, he's not fine now.

Wait. I thought you compelled him to forget

everything after you fed him your blood.

How did he find you?

I don't know.

What if this blood isn't even his?

Is there any chance that your mom signed the house over to you?

I don't know. Maybe.

She's been running around like crazy,

saying she need to get her ducks in a row or...

He's a vampire,

which means after you fed him your blood...

He died.

Calculator. Calculator.

Where is the calculator?

Of course. Under the catatonic serial killer.

- Hey. - Hey.

Sandwich?

I can't. I'm late for my volunteer shift

at the hospital.

Ok.

Ooh. That's new.

Oh, yeah. Jo made me a new daylight ring.

- You like? - Depends. Does it work?

Well, I'm here, aren't I?

Yeah, inside in the shade.

I know everyone has their doubts about Jo's magic,

but she has an entire month to get stronger

and win the merge with Kai,

so a little bit of support wouldn't kill anybody.

Speaking of killing people.

Still counting sheep

or whatever the hell you psychopaths dream of?

Look. Alaric's gone out of town

to get some mystical thingamabob

to give jo an edge,

and your job is to baby-sit Kai,

not smother him with a pillow.

Fine.

And if he starts twitching or something,

just give him 50 milligrams of pentobarbital.

You're so cute when you're all doctorly.

Oh. Hey. You forgot this.

You're not free tonight by any chance, are you,

because I know this little Italian joint

that has eggplant so good you actually think

you're eating people.

Heh. And I happen to have a weird eggplant obsession.

- Perfect. - Great!

And I'm thinking maybe after that

go to the art house theater.

They're playing some pretentious French flick.

I don't speak French, Damon.

Not to see the movie, silly,

but to hide in the back and throw popcorn at hipsters.

Wait. We've gone on this date already, haven't we?

Damon, that's cheating, ok?

You already know everything about me.

Cheating? Cheating is erasing all of our epic memories.

That's cheating.

I'm serious.

Look. If we're gonna do this,

then we can't just pick up where we left off

because I don't remember where that is.

I understand.

Where would you like to start?

At the beginning.

I'm off at 6:00. You can pick me up then.

- Fine. - Fine.

- Great. - Great.

Good.

Bye.

Bye.

How about Atlantis

or, like, the sea of tranquility?

- On the moon? - Mm-hmm.

I hear it's nice there.

It's... it's very tranquil.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

I'm serious.

Pick a real place.

Why are we talking about spending spring break

anywhere other than this tiny bed,

which we should probably leave at some point today.

Ignore that.

Olivia, you home?

Olivia?

Oh, my God. He's early.

Who's early?

Sweetheart, it's your old man.

Here. Put this on.

Your dad? What's he doing here?

He wants to take Luke and me out to dinner.

Hide!

Dad, hi! I-I thought we were meeting later.

Well, we were, but I wanted a couple

of extra minutes with my girl.

Aw.

Happy Birthday.

Thanks.

I adjusted Mrs. Murphy's dose of fentanyl.

Keep an eye on her. Thanks.

Phesmatos tribum, plantus vivifae,

plantus... Hederus.

Should I call it?

Time of death... Anybody's guess.

Well, in the magical win column,

I just walked across campus

without bursting into flame,

so there's that.

I need help.

I had Duke send over Colin's medical records.

This head scan is from earlier this week.

This one...

Was taken right here 10 minutes ago.

See all that red?

Well, I'm no doctor, but that guy is screwed.

So the blood didn't heal him.

It sped up his cancer and killed him.

So now I have a stage 10 cancer patient,

which by the way doesn't exist,

who is beyond terminally ill and a vampire,

meaning all of his emotions are heightened,

and he can't die.

Hey. No offense, but can someone tell me

why I was called down here to listen

to the story of Colin the cancer vamp...

Because Caroline fed me her blood last night,

so the same thing is gonna happen to me.

Hi.

Any news?

No, not yet. It's a little outside

of Jo's expertise.

Did you know that Caroline

was gonna give her mom vampire blood?

Yeah. I was there when it healed Colin.

And then you left, and then he died,

so it didn't actually heal him.

It did the opposite.

Caroline had every reason to think it would work.

Yeah, but you didn't, Stefan.

You're, like, 165 years old.

You've worked as a paramedic at hospitals.

So that makes me an expert

in supernatural cancer treatment.

I just wish that you'd done a little bit more research

or waited, uh, like a day.

Because you were thinking so rationally

when Damon died, right?

Her mother is terminal.

You didn't see the hope in her eyes

when she thought that maybe her mother didn't have to die,

and I didn't want to be the one to take that away from her.

Um...

Jo has an idea.

Medically speaking, this is our best option.

If vampire blood is the issue,

then a full transfusion of human blood

might stabilize her condition.

Please sound less confident, doc.

Look. We are in uncharted territory here,

but this isn't just a medical problem, Damon.

It's a magical one.

Well, then you're uniquely qualified...

Witch doctor and all.

Now you believe in my magic. Gee, thanks.

Unfortunately, this goes

beyond any witch ability I've ever heard of,

but please if you have a better plan,