Blunt Talk

Previously on Blunt Talk...

I think I'm being followed.

A colleague of mine, he was on to something

very corrupt here in LA with the water. He's dead.

I haven't done anything wrong lately, have I?

You've yet to respond to Vivian and Moby's wedding invitation.

This is all my fault.

Oh, don't beat yourself up, Walter.

Not everything is your fault.

How do they do that?

I mean, is there a hole under the desk and they're all climbing up a ladder?

Ready, Jim? We have to go to the hospital now.

- Okay. Did I just swallow mescaline? - Yeah.

Celia, will you marry me?

I love you so much. I really do.

- This is terrible. - Herschel, where's Cornelia?

You know, I heard her talking on the phone.

She's meeting somebody at the old depot.

It seemed serious.

This can't be good, Harry.

Harry!

Sit down and try to relax, Major.

I'm not a major, I'm a captain.

And why do I need to relax?

Sorry, I was referring to the major, Major.

- I mean captain, Captain. - What?

- Who's the major? - He's the major, Captain.

Uh, that's right, I'm the captain, Major.

Uh, I'm the major, Captain.

Christ, Harry, you got me all muddled.

I think you're both drunk. I smell alcohol.

I take offense to that statement, Captain.

I am perfectly sober.

Maybe it's witch hazel you can smell, Captain.

We use it for dry skin

and, uh, other more private ailments.

- Mr. Blunt. - Yes?

We've located your missing person. She's at Cedars-Sinai.

Somebody gave her a good working over, but she's conscious.

Dr. Shapiro to Cardiac...

I'll wait here, sir.

Thank you, Harry.

Oh, oh, oh!

- Walter. - Poor dear.

I can't believe this has happened.

Are you in pain?

Not too bad. Good drugs.

Almost makes it worth it.

But how did you find me?

I went to the police.

Oh, Walter, I'm so sorry I worried you.

If you had waited

till the end of the broadcast, I would have come with you.

I could have protected you.

But I was set up.

Somebody is making a lot of money off of this drought.

And they don't want people to know.

Here we go. Oh!

Tony. Walter, this is Tony.

Tony, Walter.

- Hello. - Walter Blunt.

- I used to read your column years ago. - Oh.

Why did you use so many exclamation marks?

Tony, could you give us a minute?

Okay. There's a clown in the hallway.

I'll pick his brain for a good restaurant.

Tech to Radiology.

Imaging tech to Radiology.

So, um, who's Tony?

We've been seeing each other for the last six months.

He flew here to surprise me.

I wanted to say something sooner.

It was just such a shock to see you.

Just tell me how I can help you.

There's nothing for you to do, Walter.

This is a fight I can't win.

Tomorrow, I'm going back to England.

I'm so sorry our timing has never been right.

Jesus Christ, Jim's proposal's been reposted half a million times.

Where are all the Shelly Tinkle GIFs?

I know. And I can't believe we didn't think of Jimelia.

I guess we've been distracted by work.

Jimelia. Jim-elia.

Jim-elia.

It... I mean, it's even better than Brangelina.

Or Kimye. Or, uh... or Billary.

Or Sacher-Masoch.

Who's Sacher-Masoch?

Oh, I just threw that in there.

He invented masochism in the 19th century

- and was a friend to the Jews. - Oh.

But do you think, uh, maybe Celia will change her mind and marry Jim?

Oh, I hope not. I'd still like to get in her pants just once.

What is it about her that makes you so mad with desire?

I think it's her long legs.

She's like a tree I want to topple.

But I don't have an axe.

I always want the ones who don't want me.

I have an axe.

Shut up.

Walter's not gonna like this, Bob.

Not at all. No fucking way.

You think I give a shit?

Listen, this Jimelia thing is huge.

We've never had a response like this. Who gets 10,000 emails?

Walter won't put them on-air to discuss a private matter.

He'll say Blunt Talk is not a telenovela.

Rosalie, lonely hearts all across this country are going nuts.

It is a romantic story. People want to know why Celia won't marry him.

- You want to know, right? - Oh, yes, Mr. Bob.

- But Walter won't have it! - All I want is a follow-up segment.

They let our viewers know that they are okay.

Or not, which would be even better, right?

I... I think it's huge. I love it. I love it. Mammy!

Did you know Al Jolson, aside from being one of the greatest singers of his time,

was also a huge civil rights activist?

No, I didn't know that, Bob. I like to sing.

I love to sing. I actually could have been a star.

I went to the same high school as Lenny Kravitz.

You know, we should do a bio piece on Al Jolson.

If Walter gives you a hard time about Jimelia being on the air,

you bring him to me after my facial.

Major, anything I can do?

Nothing, Harry.

Those bastards.

But she doesn't want my help.

She wants nothing from me.

I'm sorry, sir.

And I know that I am ridiculous,

but I am heartbroken again.

And it's all just projection, Harry.

Most love is, sir. What did Proust say?

"It is our imagination that is responsible

"for love, not the other person."

I don't give a shit about Proust, Harry.

What pains me is that she's with that ass with the flowing hair.

You have a beautiful head, sir. Like an artillery shell.

So there's no need to compare yourself unfavorably

to that dickhead in the hospital.

It's not about hair, Harry.

I was never, ever good enough for her.

Walter, what's up? It's early.

I... I want to come and see you, Vivian. It's really important.

What's wrong?

You're not coming to the wedding?

Oh, Moby will be so disappointed.

- He loves you. - It's not about Moby.

Hey, Walter. It's Moby. What's not about Moby?

Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Jim, please, it's just a break.

I need some time to think. I need to breathe.

You can think and you can breathe and still be with me.

I'm really sorry I asked you to marry me

while having a hallucinogenic experience, okay?

I really am. I'm sorry.

It's not just that, Jim.

I'm not good at relationships.

I feel like I get erased.

I only think about you.

Well, thinking about me is good.

- No, it's... it's not. - It's good.

But if I hadn't asked you to marry me, you wouldn't be doing this.

It may have pushed me over the edge, yes.

Over the edge?

I hate myself.

Jim, it's just a break.

Just some time for us to, you know, think.

This break might give us perspective.

- It's just a break... - Stop saying "break."

A break is just the first step in breakup.

Break-up.

Break-up. This is a breakup.

Jim, please. Let's be positive.

Let's be grateful that your... your polyp isn't cancerous.

I don't care about my stupid polyp.

This has happened to me before.

It starts with a break, then it's breakup.

It's a break-up.

A break-up.

- This is a break-up. - Jim!

When will this...

separation be over?

I don't know. You have to be patient.

I really need you to do this if you want to hold on to us.

- Is it over yet? - Jim.

- Now? - Don't be silly.

Now?

You know the break restarts every time you ask that.

I don't understand. We covered this in couples counseling

for three years and two months.

Yeah, but I... I never really grasped what went wrong...

why it didn't work out.

What in me was lacking?

Nothing. Nothing.

Uh, well, maybe it was the late nights,

the drinking, your bathroom issues, Harry.

But deep down inside I just knew I wasn't the one for you.

- Daddy! - Hey, Bertie.

Give us a hug. Ah!

Hey, why are you wearing a yarmulke?